FOR SALE: VAMPIRE HUNTER KIT, OLD-SCHOOL

This is absolutely brilliant. I don't know how authentic it is--that is, if all of these items were really assembled 100+ years ago--but the stains and wax drippings and faded velvet and arcane quality of the accessories are just brill. *waaaants*


ETA: A kit for the bargain-basement vampire hunter. The best part? I have that exact same silver-tone carrying case. It was part of a massive makeup kit I got as a Christmas present a few years back. Love the new uses they've found for the brush compartments and holders.

FOETRY: THE AMERICAN POETRY WATCHDOG

Snagged this off poetryslamming--an interesting, if rather bitter, watchdog site that tracks connections between judges and the winners they select (read: "friends and students"). Contests in need of reformation include:

University of Iowa's Iowa Poetry Prize
University of Georgia Press Contemporary Poetry Series
The Colorado State University's Colorado Prize
Sarabande Books Kathryn A. Morton Prize in Poetry
Zoo Press: The Paris Review Prize in Poetry

For those of you wondering, the University of Iowa is currently rated as THE top creative writing program in the country. I know, because I nearly applied to it--not that I would have necessarily gotten in--but I had a bad experience with a U of I professor visiting BSC and decided that was not the kind of program I would gain much from. (And by "bad experience" I don't mean "he molested me in the elevator," I mean "he offered to critique BSC students' work"--or was coerced into it as part of the award he was accepting, I don't know--"but then didn't read mine until I sat down at the table with him, and after briefly glancing over them, sorted them into 'good' and 'bad' piles, lecturing me nonstop the whole time.") Different strokes, I guess.

"LARRY TO BE MUY LINDA?"

Scroll down a bit for the story. You remember the Smoking Gun documents about Larry Wachowski wanting a sex change operation? Yeah. He may be this much closer to getting it.

IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE...

What's worse than finding out that we've been using mercenaries in Iraq? Finding out that those mercenaries used to be covert apartheid killers. USA! USA!

Oh, and here's pictures and video of the detainee abuse, if you missed that. (Warning: graphic images. Probably not safe for work.) As someone on LJ, I forget whom, noted: "Thanks a lot, guys [meaning the American abusers]. The Arab world will see these too, you know. You just got another 100 of our soldiers killed."

Add this to the "Virginia Is For Lovers... Just Not the Homosexual Ones" news story earlier this week, and the ongoing gay rights and abortion rights wars... this is not the country I know, people. In the last three years, this country has become a place that I fear. And as an American, I'm not used to that. After talking to a few people, I'm realizing I'm not alone--there are a lot of us becoming afraid that this country is taking a hairpin turn for the worse due to this administration in particular. And short of casting my one, tiny vote in the election five months from now, I don't know what to do.

WILBUR WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF

Random paragraph in the Roger Ebert review: "Another frequent visitor wants to sell, not buy. This is Alice, played by Shirley Henderson, that luminous actress from 'Trainspotting,' 'Bridget Jones's Diary,' 'Topsy-Turvy' and half a dozen others; do not be put off that she played Moaning Myrtle in 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.' She brings in books that were left behind by patients at the hospital where she works, but the books are really an excuse for seeing Harbour, who she feels a strange affinity for; perhaps they met in earlier lives, since Rawlins played Harry Potter's father."

THE INTERPRETER

Awww, all the widdle diplomats kri because they can't be in a movie.

BATMAN BEGINS

Well, here's a scan of the batsuit for real, from EW. For some reason... I don't know about this. Strikes me oddly, for some reason. But then, I'm hardly a fan, so I don't know.

VAN HELSING

You know, it kills me that the movie looks so bad, because everyone seems to have had a roaring time making it. Sci-Fi Wire:

"Jackman described one particularly difficult stunt. 'I'm grabbing Kate's feet, and we're on wires, about 40 or 50 feet up in the air,' he said. 'Then, as close to real speed as possible, we had to land down on this mat. [I'm supposed to] land down on my back, and Kate [is supposed to land] astride me, with her knees on either side [of my head]. So I did it once with her stunt double, and she missed and landed on my shoulder. And at that moment I thought, 'Wow, just a few inches more, and I'm going to get a knee in the face.' And then with Kate, we did three takes, and she stuck it every time, like an Olympic gymnast. Bang! Bang! Bang!'

Beckinsale said that working on Underworld, which she filmed before joining Jackman on Van Helsing, was excellent training. 'Well, that's the nice thing about English girls,' Beckinsale wryly added. 'Someone asks for a crotch in the face, they get a crotch in the face.'"

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

Awww, John Malkovich as Voldemort was only a rumor! But it was a good rumor!

BATMAN BEGINS

Ooo, a sketch in EW. Whoop. Hey, I got yer batsuit right here:

http://img12.photobucket.com/albums/v36/cleolinda/misc/CHUDbatsuit1.jpg
http://img12.photobucket.com/albums/v36/cleolinda/misc/CHUDbatsuit2.jpg

From a late March CHUD article that mysteriously went 404 within an hour. Not even a "they made us take it down" or "it turned out to be fake" message. V. strange. And now, after having had this for a few weeks, I feel--well, if EW can publish something, I probably won't be hounded to the ends of the earth for posting this.

"FIFTEEN YEAR OLD WRITES BESTSELLER"

Salon: "After a few years of starting stories that never got finished, Flavia Bujor decided it was time she completed something. So at the age of 12, she decided to write a novel. She was 14 when the book was published.

Writing 'was a passion for me since I was very young,' Bujor, now 15, said in a recent interview with The Associated Press at the Soho Grand hotel. 'I had written a lot of little things when I was growing up.' "

Oh, honey. I am trying so very hard not to hate you right now. Please don't make it so easy for me. ("When I was very young" MY ASS.)

STAY THY CODE!

Woohoo! Finished with my paper! Of course, there's still a finger-breaking essay exam tonight, but okay. Meanwhile, I see this snippet. My favorite part is the snippy description of Valenti's public-speaking skills:

IMDB: "Valenti Amazed at Simple Code To Break DVD Encryption"

"MPAA chief Jack Valenti expressed amazement last week when the senior editor of the MIT student publication The Tech showed him a six-line code that he had written that allows him to watch DVDs on a computer using the Linux operating system. Valenti, who often invokes ornate Victorian language in his public remarks, responded, 'Un-f***ing-believable' when shown how the descrambling code worked. Editor Keith J. Winstein then observed that there is no machine running Linux that can play a commercial DVD -- to which Valenti remarked: 'You're one of just a few. How many Linux users are there?' Winstein replied, 'About two million.' Valenti said that Winstein had brought up 'an interesting question,' adding: 'I want to try to find out ... why are there no Linux licensed players. There must be a reason.' "

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Some nice new shots here, including Madame Rosmerta, some nice Dumbledore, Lupin, and Sirius shots, and Professor Trelawney. My favorite is Emma Watson giving Emma Thompson this death look while she tries to read her palm.

UR TUF &YR COOL 4 EVA!

Okay, no one panic if I disappear for a bit--my paper and exam are tomorrow, and then I'm (relatively) freeeeee (with a portfolio due on Monday)! In the meantime, I bring you: the Lord's Prayer in SMS, link courtesy the Metaquotes community at Livejournal.

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Huge new pictures up at DanRadcliffe.com--thanks to luna_k at LJ for the indirect heads up.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

Because Keira Knightley isn't busy enough.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3

Now that Carrie-Anne Moss is confirmed as the leading lady, it looks like Kenneth Branagh will play "a role widely considered to be the film's villain." Now, if only we can get a script that makes sense...

TRAILER PARK

Over at the Park: the new Harry Potter international trailer (I think there's some new footage in there), The Village (new full trailer), nine Van Helsing clips (...OF DOOM), Van Helsing featurettes (...OF PAIN), Terminal (full trailer), I, Robot (trailer 2), and a few others you may have missed while I was not so much of the updates.

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW

New pictures at Latino Review. My mother wants to see this OMG SO BAD. Oh, and I hadn't noticed this before--Emmy Rossum seems to be in the cast; she's Christine in the new Phantom of the Opera, if you want to see what she looks like.

STORK ALERT

Cate Blanchett has had her baby. She's named it Roman Robert. My first thought was, "OMG Days of Our Lives." And then I apologized for the crazy talk. And then someone on my f-list popped and said, "No, for real, TV Guide said the same thing." This worries me.

VAN HELSING

Nine streaming clips are up at Yahoo and... God bless Kate Beckinsale, her accent is so bad. But it's consistently bad, you know? She commits to the bad. It's admirable, truly. I am totally going to master this accent by the end of the week and use it as frequently as possible.

VAN HELSING

A fresh report from the biggest trainwreck I've ever looked forward to. AICN: "The vampires are just terrible and they're most of the movie. There's no real explanation for why the werewolves is there, just that Dracula uses them as lackeys even though they're the only ones that can kill him. Oh yeah, and Dracula has midget henchmen. Frankenstein's monster is a lumbering joke who somehow knows the entire plot and gets to explain it to everyone else. Someone needs to explain to the director that a creature that's slow moving with a limp doesn't make a good action star either."

Another review: "Then the most over the top scene happens (slight spoiler removed) and the audience applauded. It felt like ironic applause. I think this is a film so awful it is actually quite entertaining. To a point."

Also: "The big problem is Sommers." And somewhere, in the misty depths of distant Croatia, I hear Vladimir shouting, "I TRIIIIIIED TO WAAAARN YOUUUUUU...!"

CATWOMAN

Ah, another craptastic poster.

LEMONY SNICKET

Eeee! It's Uncle Monty!

SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW

Ooo, the new poster is teh pretteh.

DONNIE DARKO: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT

At Empire Online, wunderkind director Richard Kelly talks about releasing the re-cut in theaters (you heard right). I am so amped for this, as I (like most DD fans) only discovered the movie on DVD. Also, Kelly seems to have his head on straight: "I'm not a fool, I haven't gone in there and botched the things that people love. Donnie does not shoot first - I'm not pulling a Greedo."

AMERICAN GOTHIC

Looks like the short-lived, long-mourned series may get its own movie, possibly directed by show producer Sam Raimi. Looks like everyone's willing to come back, except that Lucas Black is now too old to play the boy protagonist. Awww.

GODSEND

The director on the five (!) possible endings they shot: "Unless the whole movie is designed to go into one ending, endings are artificial most of the time, so it's a genuinely proper process to say, 'OK, how can we end it in some sort of a sophisticated way and with some sort of energy?'"

How do you people not write things towards "one ending"? I'm not saying you have to know your ending from page one, but... as a writer, how do you just get to the end and go, "Oh, well, we could have just about anything happen here"?

THE FOUNTAIN

Yay! It's been resuscitated, and Hugh Jackman will take the Brad Pitt role(s)! No word on whether Cate Blanchett is still involved. (Uh... too bad about auctioning off the props, guys...)

WHITE CHICKS

Poster's out. More importantly, This Movie Is Not of The Lord. I suggest we find a Bad Movie Exorcist ASAP.

ONE NIGHT IN PARIS

...will be the name of the Paris Hilton sex tape to be sold on video. No, I don't know how this guy hasn't been struck dead by a litigious bolt of lightning yet, either.

THE LOVELY BONES

Has anyone read this book? (Jo Blo: " It's a heartbreaking tale narrated by a 14-year old girl -- after she has been raped and murdered. From heaven, she observes her shattered family's attempt to heal, as a detective tries to solve the case and as her killer moves along his demented path.") Looks like Peter Jackson and company may be doing this one after King Kong (think Heavenly Creatures).

THE PASSION OF THE PYTHON

IMDB: "Idle Insists Brian Died Better Than Jesus"

"Eric Idle has compared his crucifixion in Monty Python's The Life of Brian (he's credited as a 'crucifee') with the latest one in The Passion of the Christ and has found his own infinitely superior. Writing in Sunday's Los Angeles Times, Idle commented that although he hasn't seen the Mel Gibson film, 'I gather that Mel doesn't handle the comedy too well, and he seems to totally ignore the singing opportunities of the crucifixion altogether. I suppose we should be grateful he makes a film where for once the Brits aren't to blame for everything.' "

OCCUPATION: V. BUSY GIRL

So. Where have I been, is what you want to know (and when, if ever, the Digest will be updated again). Well, I had my wisdom teeth out. And then I got the flu. And now it's exams and I have a paper due this week. So we'll see. But I'll be off all May, so maybe things can get updatey around here again.

ELEKTRA

Goran Visnjic, you say? Tell me more, I say.

VAN HELSING

More pictures. I think this one's my favorite.

NOOOOOOOO!!!

From Metafilter: Jesus, it's kinda like the picture of the riots at Kent State. Only... with birds.

GLORIFIED G

I have a Gmail! I have a Gmail!

...

You know... it's really not that exciting. It's not like I have anything to do with it. I don't want to transfer all my correspondence over to it because... well, that's a pain in the ass, and besides, it's in beta testing. So... what do I do with it?

(In case you're curious, here's a screen cap of what it looks like. Yeah. Not that impressive.)

NEWSWEEK SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW

You have to love an article that begins with the header, "The weather's heating up, and it's time to sit back, relax and try to look up Brad Pitt's skirt."

OH SNAP

Indulge me in a bit of writerly schadenfreude for a moment. From the NY Times email newsletter: a review of a new book by the woman better known as "That One Vogue Writer Who Chaffs My Ass on a Regular Basis (No, Not Marina Rust, The Other One)." Sez Choire Sicha:

"Bergdorf Blondes should inspire readers everywhere to rise up and rip one another limbless. (...) After encountering this novel's manifestation of cultural illness, the tribes of the outer boroughs may be impelled to march upon Manhattan to enslave the emotionally warped hoarders of jewels and neuroses who reside therein. (...) In all seriousness: we must build a tiny apocalypse-proof time capsule. If we can resist the temptation to burn Plum Sykes's book, we can smuggle it into the future. Perhaps the next breed of humanoids can learn from the holocaust of culture and commerce that destroyed our icky civilization. (...) If you have any sense of justice at all, the publication of this book demands that you rouse yourself from the couch this very second and set out to loot and burn Manhattan. Meet us at Da Silvano and bring weapons."

KILL BILL VOL. 2

Roger Ebert's review today gives the movie a blow-by-blow tongue bath. Mr. Cranky? "Given Tarantino's worship of Uma Thurman, the entire foray may be the most overblown attempt to get into a woman's pants since the invasion of Troy. "

THE HOBBIT

Remember that April Fool's Hobbit site that TORN put up? First it was masquerading as a real "official"site, then revealed its true purpose as an OMG PLZ MAKE THIS MOVIE!!1! fansite? Well, Bob Shaye has officially replied to them:


Dear Loyal LOTR Fans,

Thank you very, very much for the incredible outpouring of support for LOTR, and your eagerness to see THE HOBBIT.

We, at New Line, are most touched and appreciative of your compliments, and your passion for the remarkable work of the author, the filmmakers, talent, and craftspeople.

We are also, as you, most anxious to see THE HOBBIT realized.

Please be assured that there is, in no way, a crass argument with MGM or anyone over money or rights. In fact, no discussions about any settlement of our respective claims, has been commenced. When, and if, such discussions ensue, be assured that we intend to be equitable and appropriate to the spirit of Tolkien, and THE HOBBIT. We will, as much as possible, "do the right thing", respecting the incredible loyalty and appreciation of the worldwide fans. We hope that MGM will feel the same.

However, we also wish to have the film overseen by the best possible mentors - and, for us, if possible, that means Peter and Fran. They are totally occupied by KING KONG now and, we believe, will be the next twenty-four months, or so.

So our efforts will take time to realize.

Sincerely,

Robert Shaye
Co-CEO/Co-Chairman
New Line Cinema


Translation: YOU MUST CHILL!

OLD JOKES' HOME

From the new Popbitch newsletter:

"A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm. 'Do you have any fishcakes?' he asks.

'Yes, of course,' says the fish shop owner.

'Great,' replies the man, nodding at the fish under his arm, 'It's his birthday.'"


I know, I know. You have to understand, I am way too easily amused. My favorite joke is the one about what you call a fish without an eye (an "i"): "A fsssssshhhhh!"

LEMONY SNICKET

Excellent, excellent website, though no official trailer as of yet. It does have desktops, icons, a "personal introduction" from Lemony Snicket, a few stills, and several nice touches.

P.S. You can get links to all five desktops (I only saw three on the site itself) and to pictures from the site at my journal.

FOUL PLOY, THE UPDATE

Turns out that Audrey Seiler faked her own kidnapping for that best and most popular reason for a girl to do anything: to get some guy's attention.

"WHAT GOES ON IN THE BOY'S HEAD?"

Heeeeeee. From The Guardian, Terry Jones on Tony Blair:

"Dear Mr and Mrs Blair,

I have just had to mark Tony's essay, Why We Must Never Abandon This Historic Struggle in Iraq, and I am extremely worried.

Your son has been in the sixth form now for several years, studying world politics, and yet his recent essay shows so little grasp of the subject that I can only conclude he has spent most of that time staring out of the window.

(...)

I can only give Tony three out of 10 for this current effort and must warn him to pull up his socks if he wishes to carry on in this subject.

To be quite candid, Mr and Mrs Blair, it's lucky that your son is not in a position of power, otherwise his lack of insight and his crass ignorance would place us all in appalling peril."

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Ah, two more posters.

SAMANTHA THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

With Van Helsing nigh, this one seems appropriate: "Got a vampire infestation? I'm your answer." No, really.

TROY

I am so glad I am not the theater employee who has to put this together.

DOUBLE-O WHAT?

Dark Horizons: "James Bond rumours online are like people in Hollywood who've spoken with Bruckheimer, Del Toro, Tarantino, etc. for like 20 seconds at a party and think they've got a three-picture studio deal signed & sealed. In other words, they're all over the place, new ones emerge every other day and in practically every case it's total bullsh*t in sad tragic kind of way.

Still, just when you thought that the Orlando Bloom 007 rumours were horrible, they've just laid the groundwork for a whole bunch of speculation about a 'young new James Bond' to reinvigorate the franchise. (...) The rumour that's got the most cred right now though is that an Australian will step into the role after Michael Madsen's comments earlier this week to the Toronto Sun which seemed to indicate that the role has already been selected and he was told who but couldn't recall the name - 'I don't know the new Bond guy. I've never seen anything he's done. I don't even know what he looks like. I can't remember the guy's name. I would have to feel like he's going to be a good Bond for me to want to do it'."

So who is it? (Hang on, let me put in my earplugs first.) Who is it? Heath Ledger.

AREA PARENTS TAKE THE ONION SERIOUSLY

Canoe.ca on a parents' group who used a fake Onion photo for an anti-gay pamphlet:

The picture was copied from the Onion, a satirical newspaper from the United States. The headline of the 1998 story says, " '98 homosexual drive nearing goal."

The story, written out of San Francisco, goes on to say children are being successfully recruited into homosexuality because of the "gay lobby's infiltration of America's public schools."

Marilyn Ashworth of STOP said it's concerned the photo represents what will end up in this region's schools if the board goes ahead with its plan.

"We knew it was a gay paper and we hold that even as a joke, the gay community is proud of their advancements into the safe schools program in the U.S.," she said. "We don't think homosexuality in schools is a joke."

Asked whether she believed it was a real photo, Ashworth said the caption included the teacher's name, city, state and grade.

"We researched in depth and that was one of the things we found," she said, noting the group spent seven weeks accumulating research.

Sean Mills, president of the Onion, laughed when he heard the news.

"The motto the writers have is we're not going after the right or the left, we're just going after people who are dumb," Mills said.

RADIO KLEO

Holy crow, maybe putting all the songs I loved when I was eight years old was not the best idea. I mean, I knew I had bad taste in music, but I didn't know it was that bad.

LEMONY SNICKET

A set visit, yay! The sets themselves sound amazing.

THE 50 MOST LOATHSOME NEW YORKERS

#50. Sofia Coppola: "The genius' film, Lost in Translation, is the most pretentious, overrated movie of last year, about an alienated Yale brat who feels so lonely in her five-star hotel that she strips down to her panties and curls up on the windowsill every half-hour (accompanied by My Bloody Valentine and Jesus & Mary Chain, just in case you didn't get how much pain she's experiencing)."

Hey, I liked the movie, but... yeah. Also, I'm not sure why everyone in the sketches has leeches for eyebrows, but... all right.

"LITTLE PRINCE MYSTERY SOLVED"

Looks like they've found Antoine de Saint-Exupery's downed plane: "In France, the discovery is akin to solving the mystery of where Amelia Earhart's plane went down."

YOU WANT THIS

All right, I've blown the better part of an hour--maybe two--fooling with this. Basically, it's this free personal radio thing at Yahoo that operates much the way the Amazon recommendation system does: you go through and rate genres/artists/albums/songs, and it feeds you music based on your recommendations. You can listen to other people's stations or add them as "influencers" to affect your own playlist. And so far, with a few exceptions, it's been really, really spot-on. That, and I've heard a lot of songs I've never heard before--I love the music I know, but I probably don't know very much, honestly, and I'm not very adventurous, so it's a lot of fun to have someone to hold my hand, so to speak, and show me new (or "new") things.

Oh, and I haven't tried this yet, but I think you can set up your own music video channel, too...

OCCUPATION: GIRL

For those of you wondering, I am still recapping Days, by popular request. My wisdom teeth (or lack thereof) are better; I'm still dealing with tension headaches as the others shift backwards, but okay. In the middle of turning in a children's book draft, but I'm hoping to catch up on the Digest backlog soon.

FOXTROT

FLORA PLUM

Okay, I am really excited about this--the production has been wavering between Russell Crowe and Ewan McGregor from the start (remember, this is Jodie Foster's circus movie that got delayed after Crowe hurt his shoulder), but the movie has finally started production--with Ewan. Yay!

"BEST MOVIE MONSTERS"

So, basically, "cinema experts" named the top 10 movie monsters in this Empire magazine poll, and I think they're on monkey crack. So we're running our own poll. First, of course, we're going to need nominations. The whole list is at my journal (top link), as well as a few suggestions; leave a comment here or over there (anonymous is fine, but if you don't have a Livejournal and post "anonymously," you still might want to leave your name).

POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Well, if Neil Gaiman wants you to know about something Lemony Snicket wants him to know, I say it's worth knowing:

Hello all,

First of all let me apologize for the mass e-mail, but as some of you know there's been something going on that's a cause for concern. The Academy of Art University here in San Francisco - the biggest art school in the country - recently expelled a student for writing a violent short story, and then fired his instructor for teaching a story by David Foster Wallace the administration also found offensive.

As this story broke in the press the school has responded by announcing stringent policies regarding the content of students' artwork (writing, visual art, film, video game design, etc.), what can be taught in the classroom, and who is allowed to speak on campus. This was brought home to me when an instructor at the college invited me to speak to his class (along with the fired teacher and a representative of the First Amendment Project) and I was physically barred from entering the building.

Obviously this is creepy and idiotic, and the First Amendment Project is (as usual) doing a bang-up job bringing these issues to the public. I'd love to add your name - and the names of anyone you forward this to - to a growing list of people who want this kind of nonsense to stop. On Wednesday, an instructor is inviting a horde of artists to speak on free expression, and we'll be presenting a list to the Academy saying "We support free expression and oppose the misguided policies you have recently adopted regarding what can and cannot be expressed at your institution." If you live in the Bay Area, and would like to come down, that'd be great, but in any case, I'd love it if you just hit the reply button so we can put your name below that statement.

Thanks,
Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket)


Gaiman isn't giving out Handler's email, naturally, but I believe lemonysnicket.com is an official site from the publisher with an email address through which you can theoretically get in touch with Handler/Snicket.

LEMONY SNICKET

Eeeeeeee actual footage TV spot baby Sunny it all looks so gooood SQUEEE!

ETA: Now on Trailer Park, and now with screen caps.



P.S. As much as I love Liam Aiken as Klaus--you have to love a kid who can upstage Jim Carrey with subtlety--someone on Trailer Park has just pointed something out: WHERE ARE KLAUS'S GLASSES? They're plot points, people! That, and Violet's inventor's hair ribbon which I see no sign of anywhere (and those braids, nifty as they are, remove any need for the ribbon as well). I'm not going to argue about Sunny's lack of toothiness because--come on, it's a real baby. Not so easy to work with. But grrrr--so close, and yet so far.

HEH

Not only do you get some nice Dark Crystal stills at OutNow's new page on the film, but a snarky caption besides (picture, second paragraph).

"VAMPIRE BATS KILL 13 PEOPLE IN BRAZIL"

Vampire bats! Thirteen people! From... rabies. Awww, what a paranormal gyp.

PRINCESS OF MARS

I forgot to correct this yesterday: Apparently Harry Knowles really will be a producer, and the ill-timed announcement was not an April Fool's joke. Another fun headline, this time from IGN: "There's Life on Mars! But it's Harry Knowles..."

Turns out that Knowles has been hard at work behind the scene consulting on the source material and was instrumental in getting Robert Rodriguez on board so, you know, good on him. My affection from the John Carter character stems from his appearance in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol. 2--and prelim art makes it look like he'll be the major new character in Vol. 3 (/nerrrrrd).

CATWOMAN

I think I've linked to the poster before, but I'm doing it again because 1) this is better quality, if the word "better" can be used in conjunction with this movie, and 2) I like Cinescape's headline: "Two-dimensional CATWOMAN spotted: Teaser poster sighted, asks to be let out."

Also: I tried to send my copy of the trailer to someone, and could not find it on my computer. Seriously, it was in my "Video Downloads" folder. I saw it there, I played it from there. It's like it just up and vanished.

YOUNG ADAM

Oooo, pretty pictures of Ewan McGregor. (To refresh your memory, this is the movie that managed to land an NC-17 just for a clothed sex scene. No, none of these pictures are from that scene.)

"INSERT SNARKY TITLE HERE"

I hope this is what I think it is--a demonstration of a steretypical blog post ("Someone I don't like is saying something I don't agree with. Here's a quote. Isn't that dumb? Here's a link disproving what they say") with several dozen commenters, of their own free will, picking up the game and posting examples of stereotypical comments ("Poignant, insightful reply accompanied by an amusing personal anecdote!"; "Posts somewhat lame comment twice for some reason"; "Posts somewhat lame comment twice for some reason").

AFTERLIFE: STREATHAM CEMETERY

Ganked from Metafilter: gorgeous, but spooky. Hit the "Autumn" series to see what I'm talking about (and don't forget to wave your cursor around a bit).

FOUL PLOY

Nothing is certain yet, but... I knew something was fishy with that Wisconsin abduction thing.

CONFESSIONS OF A SEMI-SUCCESSFUL FANFIC WRITER

The only thing better than that atrociously self-absorbed article on Salon? A teevee.org spoof of it.

KILL BILL VOL. 2

IGN would like to remind you to remain in your seats until the very end of the movie. Yes, after the credits. Yes, after the credits sequence. All the way. To the end. You'll thank them later.

TRUE CONFESSIONS OF AN APRIL FOOL

Jo Blo owns up and points out which stories were jokes today. What's sad is that I was surprised that only four of them were jokes.

(So... wait, that means the Leon the Hitman toys for "The Professional" are real?)

CATWOMAN

Once again, Catwoman is on the cutting edge of lame. And no, Superhero Hype assures us that this is not an April Fool's joke. As posters go, this is not as heinous as the costume itself, but... the movie's still batting .1000 in How Not to Make Friends and Influence People.

MORE APRIL FOOLS

Here's a list of websites pulling stunts today--although Vladimir says he heard on CNN that the one-gigabyte Google Gmail thing is real. Yay!

(Also: How can anything on the Weekly World News be an AF joke, when they pretty much publish that shit every day of the week?)

"EPISODE IV: A NEW HOAX"

Ah, a DVD commentary hoax.

GRRRR

All right: for some reason, I am not receiving any new mail at my Hotmail address. This completely baffles me. I've mailed myself from another address, I've had Vladimir mail me, my mother's tried to email me--nothing. No spam, nothing. So, until further notice, you will need to email me at dailydigest at yahoo.com if you want to communicate with me at all. (*shakes impotent fist at uncaring sky*)

Is anyone else having a problem with Hotmail? I'm starting to wonder if there's something going on with their servers?

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Dammit! If the review and poster are fake, where'd Latino Review get the graphic from?

SNOPES TO THE RESCUE

Snopes has a list of April Fool's jokes--and things that only look like jokes--going on today. (And I am going to be really mad if this Google Gmail turns out to be a hoax, because I really need something like that.)

OCCUPATION: GIRL

We interrupt this April Fool's edition of SAST for another Days of Our Lives synopsis, because they seem to be sort of popular, and hell, I have to email one to my mother anyway. The beginning of today's show: "OH MY GOD MARLENA ACTUALLY FELL 500 STORIES BOUNCED OFF AN AWNING AND LANDED ON HER OWN DAUGHTER THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF EVER."

TOP 100 APRIL FOOL'S DAY HOAXES OF ALL TIME

My favorite is the Swiss spaghetti harvest, although the island of San Serriffe is up there.

THE HOBBIT

Aaaaaand here we have TORN's joke for the year: "A press release has been announced indicating that The Hobbit will begin production with director Paul Anderson, who is (and I quote) 'the young director whose portfolio includes smash successes such as Resident Evil, Event Horizon and Mortal Kombat'. This comes directly from a new teaser site www.thehobbitfilm.com."

Very nice teaser site, by the way. It's nice when people go all out. You have to love the "Big Announcement April 2nd, Stay Tuned" graphic as well.

"HOBBITS DIS FRODO"

"Variety.com," via Bag End Inn: "Frodo's a Prima Donna"

"Even worse, says Boyd, is that Wood's outward charm and boyish good looks made people, especially women, seemingly blind to his true nature: 'Oh, he'd pull twice what we did every night in the clubs. All he has to do is put on that cute puppy act and the girls go berzerk. He must have mowed through half the female population of Wellington, and I think he even slept with Peter's assistant. There was nothing left for the rest of us! There were times he'd show up late on-set because he'd been out all night carousing with barmaids and waitresses. And then he'd hit on the makeup girls the next morning!'

'Not to mention some of the stunt guys!' Astin interjects.

The filmmakers could not be reached for comment, but Orlando Bloom (Legolas), via a phone interview, had this to contribute: 'Elijah, man. What can I say about him that hasn't already been written on bathroom walls, you know?'"

It's a really, really slick replication of a Variety.com page (all the sidebar links even go to the right places). And I love the "author's" name. The only problem... is the tell-tale URL.

~~~ SeR1Al Add3r K1nG! ~~~

Oh, and here's the Livejournal staff's joke for the day, spawning 11,478 comments to date. Nicely done.

HOMESTAR RUNNER

Strange things are afoot at HR's domain (let the page finish loading).

EXCITING NEW JOB OPPORTUNITIES!

Google, Via Metafilter: "Google is interviewing candidates for engineering positions at our lunar hosting and research center, opening late in the spring of 2007. This unique opportunity is available only to highly-qualified individuals who are willing to relocate for an extended period of time, are in top physical condition and are capable of surviving with limited access to such modern conveniences as soy low-fat lattes, The Sopranos and a steady supply of oxygen.

The Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in Search Engineering (G.C.H.E.E.S.E.) is a fully integrated research, development and technology facility at which Google will be conducting experiments in entropized information filtering, high-density high-delivery hosting (HiDeHiDeHo) and de-oxygenated cubicle dwelling. This center will provide a unique platform from which Google will leapfrog current terrestrial-based technologies and bring information access to new heights of utility."

"EARTH TO BE RENAMED AS 'GANDALF'"

Are you people even trying?

PRINCESS OF MARS

Ah, yes, Harry Knowles as "a full-fledged producer." It helps when your April 1 jokes are believable, guys.

CATWOMAN

Jo Blo is also claiming that Warner Bros. is claiming the Catwoman Trailer of Awful Awfulness (which I still have, if you want to email me for it) was an early April Fool's joke. Jo Blo: "I still can't believe I fell for it... There's no way a studio would release an official trailer that would look that silly. Well I guess we can all breathe easier today knowing that CATWOMAN won't completely suck!"

MOUNTING KEANU

Jo Blo: "MASSACHUSETTS (Providence Journal) - First Rosie, now Keanu! Only days before the Massachusetts legislature was set to vote on the banning of gay marriages in their state, actors Keanu Reeves and Alan Cummings, raced over there to marry one another before a small party of invited friends. Reeves, star of such films as 'The Matrix', 'Something's Gotta Give' and 'Point Break' had always been rumored to be gay, but always maintained his heterosexuality. Cummings, star of such films as 'Spy Kids' and 'X-Men 2' had always been openly bi-sexual, but had never married before. The duo, who had apparently been 'secretly dating on-and-off' for over four years, wrote their own vows and recited them while Melissa Etheridge softly hummed 'Come Through my Window' in the background."

MOUNTING ROBIN

Ah, yes. Robin as a girl. IGN: "Our source at the studio says, 'She's just a normal girl who talks on the phone a lot and has sleepovers with her friends and stuff. But when one of her 9th grade classmates tries to steal the boy that she's been crushing on since middle school... that's when the claws come out! It's actually really cute if you don't care anything about continuity or an established backstory or junk like that. Oh, and Batman has nothing to do with it.'"