ONE OF THE BEST WEDDING STORIES I HAVE HEARD

I kind of want to go to a bar in a wedding dress now. Also: word on the importance of cake, man.

"FROSTY THE SNOWMAN... IS MELTED"

I'm no fan of Christmas music myself, so it's nice to see Sars skewer it over at Tomato Nation.

"THE PHANTOM OF THE FICTION WORKSHOP"

UNREALITY TV

Apparently it's even less real than we thought.

ALEXANDER!

Moviehole doesn't go so far as to say that Baz Luhrmann's epic is dead, but apparently both Nicole Kidman and Leonardo DiCaprio are moving on, at any rate.

SUPERMAN

I'm not even all that interested in Superman, but if Shawn Ashmore were to play Jimmy Olsen, it would make me very happy. (P.S. Please thump your brother Troy Vandertwin for me, Shawn.)

THE CHEESIEST MOMENTS IN FILM

My favorite part about this is not that Titanic snags the top slot. My favorite part is that the survey was run in honor of Warburtons launching... new cheese-flavored crumpets.

THE DIARIST AWARDS

Open voting has been extended until December 8th, if there's a blogger or diarist you'd like to see recognized (not me, jeez).

"ORLANDO BLOOM CONVERTS TO BUDDHISM"

The odd thing is that I'm... not really all that surprised, somehow.

MY EVIL PLAN


Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: World Domination

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Power

Stage One:

To begin your plan, you must first Kidnap a Famous Actor/Actress. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two:

Next, you will Seize control of New York. This will cause countless hordes of Supernatural Creatures to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Fear, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:

Finally, you will Unleash your Great Supernatural Forces, bringing about Pain, suffering, the usual. This will all be done from a Floating Fortress, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

Trust us, it'll all come together in the end.



Consider yourself warned.

BOOK OF THE YEAR

What's Publishers Weekly's Book of the Year? Jon Stewart's America (The Book), that's what.

AMERICAN CINEMATOGRAPHER

Got an email from American Cinematographer about its issue lineup, which includes Alexander in the current issue, Lemony Snicket and A Very Long Engagement in December, and Phantom of the Opera, The Aviator, and The Life Aquatic in January. And in February?

Here's an advance look at the February 2005 issue of American Cinematographer magazine, which will highlight teleproduction.

Lost (ABC)

One of the runaway hits of the new TV season, Lost concerns a group of plane-crash survivors who find themselves stranded on a remote island rife with mysterious threats. The show's pilot was shot by Larry Fong, who alternates episodes of the series with ASC member Michael Bonvillain. Both cinematographers will offer insights into their methods on the show, which is shot on location in Hawaii.

"SQUICK AND SQUEE"

There's an interesting discussion of "The Id Vortex," as coined by Ellen Fremedon, on Teresa Nielsen Hayden's blog, but the real gems are in the links at the end of the entry: a series of essays on writing sex by Sara Donati.

I DREAM OF LINDSAY

This is as wrong as anything I've ever seen. And you know she'll record a song for it, too.

WOMAN AUCTIONS FATHER'S GHOST ON EBAY

Okay, so my initial reaction to the title of the article was, "Oh, Lord, another one of those rip-off joke auctions. But listen:

"Mary Anderson said she placed her father's 'ghost' on the online auction site after her son, Collin, said he was afraid the ghost would return someday. Anderson said Collin has avoided going anywhere in the house alone since his grandfather died last year.

"Anderson also put her father's metal walking cane up for auction so she would have something to actually send the winning bidder. The proceeds from the auction will go to buy Collin a special present, she said.

"Anderson makes one special request of the winner bidder: 'I would like to ask you to write a letter after you've received the cane (and the ghost) to my son letting him know that he's there with you and you're getting along great.'"

Awww!

LEMONY SNICKET

The NY Times has an interesting roundtable interview up with director Brad Silberling and child psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld on the successful adaptation of the darkness of the "Unfortunate Events" series.

"GWYNETH LANDS MARTINI AD"

IMDB: "Gwyneth Paltrow has signed up to appear in a sexy new Martini ad in Italy and Australia, in which she wears only a man's shirt. The Hollywood beauty is seen hopping over a bar to pour vermouth for locals in the commercial. She agreed to star in the ads after Martini bosses reassured her the campaign would never be seen in Britain or America."




Apple... Martini. Apple... Martini...

BATMAN BEGINS

New poster's out. Also: There are far more pictures out there than I was aware of. This is what happens when you don't update your movie site for six months.

WAR OF THE WORLDS

New site's up. Also: Miranda Otto is in this?

ATTICA! ATTICA!

All right. After a really bad, prolonged bout with the flu and some scary coursework, I've got to get back to using this blog, because my journal is becoming swamped with randomosity. But first: You have heard about the proposed bill here in Alabama to ban books with any mention of homosexuality from federally funded schools and libraries, right?

So I'm organizing protests over at my journal.

>> In which we are indignant

>> In which we get advice from Neil Gaiman

>> In which a House representative and I exchange emails (scroll down)

>> Just out: a statement from the American Library Association.

The three journal entries have some useful information on what you can do and who you can contact. Let me know if you're interested in helping.

MAN SETS SOMETHING ON FIRE NEAR WHITE HOUSE

The interesting thing, as someone on LJ pointed out, is that the AP story says the man set himself on fire. The original Reuters version says that the man set "his belongings" on fire.

OCCUPATION: GIRL

Sorry I disappeared (again) for a couple of days there--the journal entry linked up there describes my adventures at the hospital yesterday ("The procedure, in case you're getting squicky, is totally non-invasive; it basically involved throwing hot goo on my stomach and moving a telephone receiver around on it. Only problem is, the nurse was moving it really hard. Like, the bladder, she is full! hard. Like, Cap'n, she cannae take the pressure! hard").

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Pictures of Wonka and the kids. Johnny's pageboy scares me, y'all.

GIRLS BIKE CLUB 5

Sars and Wing on the election results at Tomato Nation:

Sarah: Oh, we can't blame Jesus for that. I bet he's under the bed totally mortified that people are using his name to pull this shit down here. "I died for this? Gah!"

Wing Chun: And God is tapping at his bedroom door all, "Jesus? Honey? Are you okay in there? I heated up some Bagel Bites, do you want some?"

Sarah: "They're pepperoni, your favorite. … Jesus?"

Wing Chun: Aw. Our God is a snacky God.

"CUBAN BUSINESSES NO LONGER ACCEPT DOLLARS"

I don't really have anything funny to say about this; it just makes me nostalgic for the week I spent in Havana nearly four years ago.

SNICKET REPORT #3

"If you are interested in reading an exciting news story about an entertaining blockbuster coming to theaters December 17th, you would be better off reading something else. The Daily Punctilio is saddened and horrified to report that the villainous performer Count Olaf has announced his candidacy for President…of All Actors Everywhere."

Heh. Make sure you check out countolaf.com as well.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Poster!

A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE

That's it. I'm writing Star Wars off completely. No one could make Yoda fart in the third, darkest, most serious, and possibly final Star Wars movie and still expect anyone to give a shit.

DIDDY. P. DIDDY

"Music mogul P Diddy is making a bid to be the first black James Bond. The rapper, who also runs his own record label and clothing range, modestly believes he is perfect for the 007 role.

"The man formerly known as Puff Daddy said: 'The world is ready for a black James Bond.' "

What I love about all these "I want to be James Bond!" "No, I want to be James Bond!" rumors is that these actors completely forget that "James Bond" is supposed to be a single person. It's sort of an implausible fantasy, but that's the way it is. This is why all the James Bond actors look and sound vaguely alike--i.e., there will never be a blond Bond or a redhead Bond or, for that matter, a German Bond or a French Bond or a black Bond or a female Bond. So if you don't fit into that admittedly--but reasonably--narrow confine, make up your own superspy character. See? Easy.

THE INTERNET MOVIE DATINGBASE

" 'It is the premier dating vessel for Hollywood,' said Bree Turner, an attractive actress who stars in the Oxygen Network series Good Girls Don't... and has had roles in the films Sorority Boys and American Pie 2. 'You can find out if the schmo is lying when he said he just wrapped Soderbergh's next feature or was the indie darling at Sundance. And you can see if he was an ex-porn-star because IMDb will put everything you have ever done on celluloid up.'

" 'If I am going to go out with an actor, it has to be someone who has already done stuff, since I have been doing this for eight years,' said Jamie Anderson, another - it goes without saying - attractive actress with a role in Steven Spielberg's Catch Me if You Can and guest appearances on That 70s Show. 'I don't want to be teaching a little boy about the business.'"

"MY GRAMMA SAYS IT'S OKAY TO LIKE BOYS!"

A touching story that will brighten your day and prove that kids know what's really important. Particularly when it involves cookies.

ANVIL OF THE YEAR AWARDS

Brought to my attention by Gus:

"We have procured an endearingly small eco-friendly anvil* that will be sent to the producers of the most anvilicious scene of the 2004-2005 viewing season. All you have to do is nominate the scene.

"The nominations are semi-blind. That is, the series and episode names will be visible in the list below, but not the scene description. Descriptions will be revealed when we close the nominations. The scene with the sauciest scene description and more than one nomination picks up the Anvil.

"* Cheap. The anvil is really, really cheap."

VERONICA MARS

Whee! The show's been picked up for a full season!

HALLOWEEN CHEZ VERSACE

It's really not all that great or interesting a picture; I'm just putting the link here because one of the commenters came up with the caption, "THE ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE!," and wow, have I not laughed that hard all week.

MORE LOST

Hmmm. An interesting Hurley spoiler (character-wise, not plot-wise) from writer Paul Dini.

"MOMMY, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE J. LO ALL THE TIME?"

Kate Beckinsale has natural stretch marks on her boobs! Not boob-job stretch marks! No, really!

And I love Kate, but dig the snark in the article: "Despite the perma-tan and big hair she's sported since moving to Hollywood, gym bunny Kate insists appearance 'isn't a major priority.'"

LOST

Man, I am so out of the blogging habit--I totally forgot to mention that I did get the new Lost recap up last night:

So then Hurley comes in with Charlie's guitar case like, "Jack said to bring this to you," and Charlie lights up all like, "Yeah, 'cause I'm the bassist for Driveshaft, You All Everybodehhhhh!," and Hurley's like, "No, Jack just said your stuff was just in the way." And Charlie just snaps. He stomps off and finds Jack and starts haranguing him about how they're supposed to be looking out for each other! Charlie is important! Charlie is a bloody rock god! Charlie drives a Dodge Stratus! And Jack's all like, HELP ME, HE CRAZY. And then the cave they are standing in collapses under the weight of Charlie's freakout. Oh, good.

REACTIONS: SCOTT BATEMAN

It's a political cartoon, so I can't really do justice to it in words. Just go look.

REACTIONS: THE FERRETT

"The only power that ever comes in America comes from changing minds. And that, my friends, is a mighty slow grind. Maybe only one out of every hundred people can have their minds changed on issues like Gays are Bad or Bush Is Not A Good President, but one out of hundred would have changed the face of this election. To accomplish that, you must reach across an often-hostile and always-frustrating gap with kindness, empathy, and reason. That takes a strength and conviction that doesn't crumple into senseless name-calling in the face of insulting ignorance."

REACTIONS: TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN

"225 years is a pretty good run for a republic, historically speaking.

"I keep thinking about an interview I saw last week with a young woman who was working for Nader, and how self-importantly she said, 'We’re voting the movement, not the candidate.' The stupid chit had somehow failed to notice that what we elect are candidates.

"By the way, I don’t accept these results. I never will. And if you have any sense, you won’t either. I don’t care what your politics are. That’s not the issue. People who mess with the vote are not your friends. If they don’t believe in government by the consent of the governed, they sure as hell don’t believe in government by the consent of you."

REACTIONS: INVINCIBLEGIRL

"It has become more and more clear to me that this country is turning into two separate places, and it turns out the Bush supporters (I had about 9 adjectives that described them but I decided to excise it so the thought police wouldn’t come to my house) outweigh the rest of us.

"I am so sad. I am sad and I am angry. Because if you voted Republican, you either figured your civil rights weren’t worth paying a little extra for the next 4 years, or you truly believe that our government needs to legislate your morality and everybody better convert to whatever religion you belong to if they know what’s good for them, and even if they don’t, you’re still going to force them to bend to your church’s particular will.

"It is a profoundly sad day when ten states’ voters say they don’t give a flying fuck about equal rights for all people."

"THE NATIONAL FISSURE REMAINS DEEP AND WIDE"

Yeah, that's about the way of it.

VERONICA MARS

A recap for episode six, "Return of the Kane," is up.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DROP YOUR BORDERS!"

Heh.

ELECTORAL-VOTE.COM

If your Election Day stress isn't high enough already, you can visit this site eighty times an hour.

YOU MUST VOTE

There are several links on my journal to tales of voting trouble, particularly with RNC officials trying to challenge voter eligibility:

So, to sum up: take at least two forms of ID; esorlehcar seems to have been able to use a utility bill to satisfy one of those requirements. And as far as voter advocates go, I'd never even heard of such a thing and wouldn't have known how to find one. So if you think your eligibility might be challenged, go and ask about voter advocates before you get your ballot. Like, "Where is a voter advocate?," and get one pointed out to you. If they don't have one (!), ask for someone working with the Democratic party, one of the volunteers. Don't wait until you've got your challenged vote in your hand and they're all shifty like, "I dunno, I think the advocate went out for coffee." Find the volunteer or advocate before they know why you want her. And no matter what happens, DO NOT LEAVE. If you get challenged and you ARE eligible, you raise hell until they let you vote. And if you have trouble, come back and document it. Write down challengers' names, voting locations, the time it happened. Fight for your vote if you have to.