Short Attention Span Theater

Short Attention Span Theater
Movies, mayhem and more: A blog from Cleolinda Jones, writer, grad student, space cadet, editor of DailyDigest.net. (That's Miss Cleo if you're SAST-Y.)


Monday, November 15, 2004  

MAN SETS SOMETHING ON FIRE NEAR WHITE HOUSE

The interesting thing, as someone on LJ pointed out, is that the AP story says the man set himself on fire. The original Reuters version says that the man set "his belongings" on fire.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:35 PM


Saturday, November 13, 2004  

OCCUPATION: GIRL

Sorry I disappeared (again) for a couple of days there--the journal entry linked up there describes my adventures at the hospital yesterday ("The procedure, in case you're getting squicky, is totally non-invasive; it basically involved throwing hot goo on my stomach and moving a telephone receiver around on it. Only problem is, the nurse was moving it really hard. Like, the bladder, she is full! hard. Like, Cap'n, she cannae take the pressure! hard").

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:36 AM


Wednesday, November 10, 2004  

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Pictures of Wonka and the kids. Johnny's pageboy scares me, y'all.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:52 AM


Tuesday, November 09, 2004  

GIRLS BIKE CLUB 5

Sars and Wing on the election results at Tomato Nation:

Sarah: Oh, we can't blame Jesus for that. I bet he's under the bed totally mortified that people are using his name to pull this shit down here. "I died for this? Gah!"

Wing Chun: And God is tapping at his bedroom door all, "Jesus? Honey? Are you okay in there? I heated up some Bagel Bites, do you want some?"

Sarah: "They're pepperoni, your favorite. … Jesus?"

Wing Chun: Aw. Our God is a snacky God.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:22 AM


Monday, November 08, 2004  

"CUBAN BUSINESSES NO LONGER ACCEPT DOLLARS"

I don't really have anything funny to say about this; it just makes me nostalgic for the week I spent in Havana nearly four years ago.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:58 PM
 

SNICKET REPORT #3

"If you are interested in reading an exciting news story about an entertaining blockbuster coming to theaters December 17th, you would be better off reading something else. The Daily Punctilio is saddened and horrified to report that the villainous performer Count Olaf has announced his candidacy for President…of All Actors Everywhere."

Heh. Make sure you check out countolaf.com as well.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:27 PM
 

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Poster!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:46 AM


Sunday, November 07, 2004  

A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE

That's it. I'm writing Star Wars off completely. No one could make Yoda fart in the third, darkest, most serious, and possibly final Star Wars movie and still expect anyone to give a shit.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:49 PM


Saturday, November 06, 2004  

DIDDY. P. DIDDY

"Music mogul P Diddy is making a bid to be the first black James Bond. The rapper, who also runs his own record label and clothing range, modestly believes he is perfect for the 007 role.

"The man formerly known as Puff Daddy said: 'The world is ready for a black James Bond.' "

What I love about all these "I want to be James Bond!" "No, I want to be James Bond!" rumors is that these actors completely forget that "James Bond" is supposed to be a single person. It's sort of an implausible fantasy, but that's the way it is. This is why all the James Bond actors look and sound vaguely alike--i.e., there will never be a blond Bond or a redhead Bond or, for that matter, a German Bond or a French Bond or a black Bond or a female Bond. So if you don't fit into that admittedly--but reasonably--narrow confine, make up your own superspy character. See? Easy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:12 PM
 

THE INTERNET MOVIE DATINGBASE

" 'It is the premier dating vessel for Hollywood,' said Bree Turner, an attractive actress who stars in the Oxygen Network series Good Girls Don't... and has had roles in the films Sorority Boys and American Pie 2. 'You can find out if the schmo is lying when he said he just wrapped Soderbergh's next feature or was the indie darling at Sundance. And you can see if he was an ex-porn-star because IMDb will put everything you have ever done on celluloid up.'

" 'If I am going to go out with an actor, it has to be someone who has already done stuff, since I have been doing this for eight years,' said Jamie Anderson, another - it goes without saying - attractive actress with a role in Steven Spielberg's Catch Me if You Can and guest appearances on That 70s Show. 'I don't want to be teaching a little boy about the business.'"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:03 PM
 

"MY GRAMMA SAYS IT'S OKAY TO LIKE BOYS!"

A touching story that will brighten your day and prove that kids know what's really important. Particularly when it involves cookies.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:21 PM
 

ANVIL OF THE YEAR AWARDS

Brought to my attention by Gus:

"We have procured an endearingly small eco-friendly anvil* that will be sent to the producers of the most anvilicious scene of the 2004-2005 viewing season. All you have to do is nominate the scene.

"The nominations are semi-blind. That is, the series and episode names will be visible in the list below, but not the scene description. Descriptions will be revealed when we close the nominations. The scene with the sauciest scene description and more than one nomination picks up the Anvil.

"* Cheap. The anvil is really, really cheap."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:33 AM
 

FEED MARISSA

It's the giant pile of link sausages that makes it so fun, really.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:36 AM


Friday, November 05, 2004  

VERONICA MARS

Whee! The show's been picked up for a full season!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:08 PM
 

HALLOWEEN CHEZ VERSACE

It's really not all that great or interesting a picture; I'm just putting the link here because one of the commenters came up with the caption, "THE ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE!," and wow, have I not laughed that hard all week.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:36 PM


Thursday, November 04, 2004  

MORE LOST

Hmmm. An interesting Hurley spoiler (character-wise, not plot-wise) from writer Paul Dini.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:37 AM
 

"MOMMY, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE J. LO ALL THE TIME?"

Kate Beckinsale has natural stretch marks on her boobs! Not boob-job stretch marks! No, really!

And I love Kate, but dig the snark in the article: "Despite the perma-tan and big hair she's sported since moving to Hollywood, gym bunny Kate insists appearance 'isn't a major priority.'"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:08 AM
 

LOST

Man, I am so out of the blogging habit--I totally forgot to mention that I did get the new Lost recap up last night:

So then Hurley comes in with Charlie's guitar case like, "Jack said to bring this to you," and Charlie lights up all like, "Yeah, 'cause I'm the bassist for Driveshaft, You All Everybodehhhhh!," and Hurley's like, "No, Jack just said your stuff was just in the way." And Charlie just snaps. He stomps off and finds Jack and starts haranguing him about how they're supposed to be looking out for each other! Charlie is important! Charlie is a bloody rock god! Charlie drives a Dodge Stratus! And Jack's all like, HELP ME, HE CRAZY. And then the cave they are standing in collapses under the weight of Charlie's freakout. Oh, good.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:06 AM


Wednesday, November 03, 2004  

REACTIONS: SCOTT BATEMAN

It's a political cartoon, so I can't really do justice to it in words. Just go look.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:02 PM
 

REACTIONS: THE FERRETT

"The only power that ever comes in America comes from changing minds. And that, my friends, is a mighty slow grind. Maybe only one out of every hundred people can have their minds changed on issues like Gays are Bad or Bush Is Not A Good President, but one out of hundred would have changed the face of this election. To accomplish that, you must reach across an often-hostile and always-frustrating gap with kindness, empathy, and reason. That takes a strength and conviction that doesn't crumple into senseless name-calling in the face of insulting ignorance."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:05 AM
 

REACTIONS: TERESA NIELSEN HAYDEN

"225 years is a pretty good run for a republic, historically speaking.

"I keep thinking about an interview I saw last week with a young woman who was working for Nader, and how self-importantly she said, 'We’re voting the movement, not the candidate.' The stupid chit had somehow failed to notice that what we elect are candidates.

"By the way, I don’t accept these results. I never will. And if you have any sense, you won’t either. I don’t care what your politics are. That’s not the issue. People who mess with the vote are not your friends. If they don’t believe in government by the consent of the governed, they sure as hell don’t believe in government by the consent of you."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:35 AM
 

REACTIONS: INVINCIBLEGIRL

"It has become more and more clear to me that this country is turning into two separate places, and it turns out the Bush supporters (I had about 9 adjectives that described them but I decided to excise it so the thought police wouldn’t come to my house) outweigh the rest of us.

"I am so sad. I am sad and I am angry. Because if you voted Republican, you either figured your civil rights weren’t worth paying a little extra for the next 4 years, or you truly believe that our government needs to legislate your morality and everybody better convert to whatever religion you belong to if they know what’s good for them, and even if they don’t, you’re still going to force them to bend to your church’s particular will.

"It is a profoundly sad day when ten states’ voters say they don’t give a flying fuck about equal rights for all people."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:28 AM
 

"THE NATIONAL FISSURE REMAINS DEEP AND WIDE"

Yeah, that's about the way of it.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:25 AM


Tuesday, November 02, 2004  

VERONICA MARS

A recap for episode six, "Return of the Kane," is up.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:31 PM
 

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DROP YOUR BORDERS!"

Heh.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:29 PM
 

ELECTORAL-VOTE.COM

If your Election Day stress isn't high enough already, you can visit this site eighty times an hour.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:09 AM
 

YOU MUST VOTE

There are several links on my journal to tales of voting trouble, particularly with RNC officials trying to challenge voter eligibility:

So, to sum up: take at least two forms of ID; esorlehcar seems to have been able to use a utility bill to satisfy one of those requirements. And as far as voter advocates go, I'd never even heard of such a thing and wouldn't have known how to find one. So if you think your eligibility might be challenged, go and ask about voter advocates before you get your ballot. Like, "Where is a voter advocate?," and get one pointed out to you. If they don't have one (!), ask for someone working with the Democratic party, one of the volunteers. Don't wait until you've got your challenged vote in your hand and they're all shifty like, "I dunno, I think the advocate went out for coffee." Find the volunteer or advocate before they know why you want her. And no matter what happens, DO NOT LEAVE. If you get challenged and you ARE eligible, you raise hell until they let you vote. And if you have trouble, come back and document it. Write down challengers' names, voting locations, the time it happened. Fight for your vote if you have to.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:11 AM


Monday, November 01, 2004  

BRIDGET JONES: THE EDGE OF REASON

Looks like Bridget's coming out early this year--next Friday, to be exact.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:00 PM
 

THINGS I DO NOT ACTUALLY MAKE COMMISSION ON

Now that we're into November, it's time to start thinking about next year's Halloween costumes. Why? Everything is on sale, that's why. So you may want to start looking into purchasing your Harry Potter Quidditch gear, the pimp coat of your dreams, or your very own Queen Alien--they've knocked $20,000 off the price just for you.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:22 PM
 

"THE WORTH OF A THING IS WHAT IT WILL BRING"

I don't know whether this is going to have an objective the way the A.I. game did, or if it's just... some interesting viral marketing (the client seems to be Stella Artois in the UK). Sites you may want to visit, email, or sign up at for more info:

Sable & Shuck
Trident Air
Inferno Cargo
Marlowe Digital
The Hornchurch Star
He Walks Among Us

But just to be on the safe side--don't sign any contracts with a man in black, okay?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:15 PM
 

"ALWAYS DID LIKE THAT MISS SCARLET"

Election week web vandalism: This is not the Sailor Moon page you are looking for.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:53 PM
 

RANDOM BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, Jon Stewart

I hear that if we buy enough copies, Stewart'll garrote Tucker Carlson with his own bowtie.


House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski

Recommended by Shoiryu on my journal--the best way I can think to describe it, having not read it for myself yet, is that it sounds like a cross between that Dionaea House link I posted a few entries down and Nabokov's Pale Fire. On crack.


Haunted, Poe (CD)

I had no idea, but apparently she's Danielewski's sister and the CD ties into the House of Leaves book.


Bram Stoker's Dracula: The Film and the Legend, Francis Ford Coppola and James V. Hart

Since the BSD fans started coming out of the woodwork a few days before Halloween (I'll have you know that I've been obsessed with this movie since I was thirteen. Okay, maybe I should have kept that to myself), I have to recommend this. I bought my first copy for $19 (which I lost in a series of moves to and from college), so Amazon having it for $10 is a steal. It's a great, gorgeous book, complete with shooting script, that you've got to see if you love this movie.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:02 AM
 

KINGDOM OF LOATHING

Don't forget to do your trick-or-treating in Seaside Town before the game rollover tonight.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:14 AM
 

TWO TO WATCH

If you're not watching Lost and Veronica Mars yet, you need to start. And that goes double for Veronica, because everyone is watching Lost. I've been posting informal recaps about two hours after each show ends, and they're basically the closest thing to "Movies in Fifteen Minutes" I'll be able to do until after I've finished the book. Click the link above to catch up before Veronica airs tomorrow (8 pm CST, my time) and Lost airs on Wednesday night (7 pm CST).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:13 AM
 

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Up at J.K. Rowling's official site this weekend: three chapter titles from the new book. I've got instructions on how to find them up at my journal.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:51 AM
 

THE BLACK RIBBON

Here's how much I suck: I couldn't even make the deadline to have the fourth chapter up a year late. All I could manage was to get the first two scenes or so done, after a weekend marathon of writing and rewriting (those scenes were HARD, man!). In addition, I'm using the rosehannah journal to repost the first three chapters in text-only format (which people had requested). The next scene that will go up--and I know better than to promise anything anytime soon--will be what West finds at the hotel.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:50 AM
 

NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH

Man, this brings back some memories... of complete and total failure. (Eh.) I first started my LiveJournal exactly a year ago yesterday, and the first thing I heard about was NaNoWriMo. "Oh," I said, "that sounds fun!" Yeah. I lasted all of three days.

So I'm not even going to pretend that I have any shot at it this year. I have a Milton term paper, the Fifteen Minutes book, and Black Ribbon (STILL. AFTER A YEAR) to finish. (Yeah, that's where I was the month of October. "I'll be back next week" my ass.) But I wish all of you NaNoWriMites the best of luck--drop by and let me know if you're going to attempt a novel this year.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:45 AM
 

THE DOOR IS OPEN

We basically spent Halloween weekend over at Occupation: Girl freaking out over this. Make sure you follow all the links in the updates sections (you'll end up at three more journals/blogs) and read any comments.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:41 AM
 

IMDB ROUNDUP

So, it looks like there'll be no Baz Luhrmann Alexander!, as I liked to call it, which is a damn shame. Meanwhile, Peter O'Toole bashes Troy and "the Krauts" ("When it was all over, I watched 15 minutes of the finished movie and then walked out. At least I had one good scene") while Ben Affleck badmouths Kevin Smith.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:39 AM
 

HELLO AUCTION!

Man, I wish I had some money to burn. Everyone needs a pair of Steve Madden Hello Kitty Satin Stiletto Boots.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:34 AM
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