Short Attention Span Theater

Short Attention Span Theater
Movies, mayhem and more: A blog from Cleolinda Jones, writer, grad student, space cadet, editor of (That's Miss Cleo if you're SAST-Y.)

Thursday, July 29, 2004  


I've been kind of MIA this week, I know--the first couple of days I was recovering from New Orleans; then we ended up settling on the ten movies for the book (see link), and I've started work. If by "work" you mean "watching DVDs in my rec room." I've said it like five times already, but it bears repeating: I cannot believe I'm getting paid to do this.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:28 AM

Saturday, July 24, 2004  

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Friday, July 23, 2004  


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Thursday, July 22, 2004  


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posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:22 PM


Some things just ain't right, y'all.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:37 AM


Judging by nothing but the pictures... I think this may be one of the most terrifying movies ever made.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:37 AM


IMDB: "Stone Kicks Bad Habits After Brain Aneurysm"

It starts out as a nice "triumph after disaster" piece and then, well... it just veers off the tracks:

"Actress Sharon Stone has quit smoking and drinking after suffering a brain aneurysm in 2002. Stone, 46, who's making a come-back as villainess Laurel Hedare in the summer blockbuster Catwoman, had to fight for her life after being rushed to a San Francisco hospital. And she insists the experience changed her: 'When my brain exploded, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have such a better life now. I'm at the point in my life where if you don't want my peaches, don't shake my tree. I'm into Happy Town, and if you don't want to live in Happy Town, move, hit the friggin' bricks, baby.'"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:52 AM


Yahoo: "Academy Award-winning composer Jerry Goldsmith, who created the memorable music for scores of classic movies and television shows ranging from the 'Star Trek' and 'Planet of the Apes' series to 'The Man from U.N.C.L.E.' and 'Dr. Kildare,' has died. He was 75.

Goldsmith died in his sleep Wednesday night at his Beverly Hills home after a long battle with cancer, said Lois Carruth, his personal assistant."

The article tries, but I don't think it does Goldsmith justice. A slightly expanded list of his musical credits, several of which I could instantly hear in my head:

The Omen
"The Twilight Zone"
Planet of the Apes
The Secret of NIMH
First Blood
(Rambo I)
"Amazing Stories"
Total Recall
Basic Instinct
L.A. Confidential
Air Force One
Picasso at the Lapin Agile

And this list doesn't even include the 5,000 Star Trek movies or the Academy Awards shows he wrote music for.

* The European version, not the Tangerine Dream version. I have an awesome DVD that came out a couple of years ago that has both movies on it, and I think Goldsmith's score may even have an isolated track to itself.

** I don't know how far into production they are on this one; there may not be enough score finished to use.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:41 AM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004  

EPISODE III has a look at the box art for--what is that, a jigsaw puzzle? Fun. Note the happy lava pool artwork, also.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:10 AM


IMDB: "Bratt's Embarrassing Oprah Appearance"

"Hollywood actor Benjamin Bratt suffered the ultimate embarrassment when he agreed to surprise a fan on Oprah Winfrey's chat show - she had no idea who he was. Bratt was initially happy to go along with making his alleged admirer's day, but once the two met he quickly learned that a big mistake had been made somewhere along the line. He recalls, 'There was the story of an aunt who had written in to the show saying that her niece is a huge Benjamin Bratt fan and she was disappointed because she couldn't get tickets for the show. So the producers of the show wanted to surprise her. They called her down to a spa in downtown Chicago and they told her that she was going to be the recipient of a massage and a facial, etc. Well, the gag was for me to show up with a bouquet of flowers and walk out to the lobby where she was sitting and say, as I did, 'Hi, I'm Benjamin Bratt, I'm going to be your masseur for the day!' She just looked up at me and went, 'Okay...' She had no idea who I was! The aunt got the niece to show up at the spa and she had no idea who I was, so needless to say, it was footage that was completely unusable. It was incredibly humbling.' "

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:04 AM

Tuesday, July 20, 2004  


For those of you who are, like me, still traumatized by Sunday night's show, there's always Djb at Television Without Pity: "Keith 'Celeste Is More' Charles sits at the kitchen table with David 'It's Been A Bad Day/ Please Don't Take A Picture' Fisher, enjoying a big, steaming bowl of Clunky-Exposition-O's, the nutritional cornerstone of every identical Keith and David scene that always comes at this exact point in the episode, when most viewers probably find themselves asking, 'Yes, but what do the resident dysfunctional gays think of all this?' Wait no longer, fair viewer! David tells Keith how much he's going to miss him, which at least means that Keith is going far, far away. Yes, but for how long? 'Three months is a long time,' answers David. Only three months? With the length of time that seemed to elapse during my first viewing of this episode, by my calculation Keith will be back in L.A. fifteen minutes before this episode even ends. But we won't know it. And why not? BECAUSE WE'LL BE HIGH ON CRACK."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:41 PM

IS THAT HAIR IN MY POPSICLE? "A frozen treat with a name like this must be X-treme. And it is - X-treme sour cherry! Combined with yellow gumball eyes, you'll want to X-perience it for sure!!"

You know, like I needed persuasion to lick Wolverine. (Thanks to Valerie for the link.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:15 PM


No, seriously, y'all. THINK OF THEM. ALL FOUR OF THEM. AT HOME WITH MICHAEL JACKSON. And Prince Michael. And Paris Michael. AND BLANKET. What's he gonna name these four--Beachtowel, Bathrobe, Pillowcase and Ovenmitt? (Thanks to christigilly for the link.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:10 PM

Sunday, July 18, 2004  


So... apparently the Sci-Fi Channel did not have a falling-out with M. Night Shyamalan, and the documentary they're running tonight is actually sort of a mockumentary, Blair Witch-style, and Shyamalan's in on the whole thing. Okay.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:51 PM


Got a twofer on political food for you today, from Yahoo:

* W Ketchup: "You don't support Democrats. Why should your ketchup?" You know, I really think that Republicans might want to rethink this logic, because a lot of people don't support them, and they wouldn't really want a taste of their own medicine, now, would they?

* Star Spangled Ice Cream Goes Batshit Retail! Let me say up front that I'm not a real big fan of Ben and Jerry's, for whatever reason. And, y'know, okay, Ben and Jerry are kinda way liberal, so come up with a "conservative" ice cream, fine. But you'll notice that most of B&J's ice cream flavors aren't specifically political; it's more of a stoner/treehugger aesthetic than anything. I mean, yeah, they just came out with "Primary Berry Graham," but whatever. Star Spangled Ice Cream, on the other hand?

>> Gun Nut
>> Navy Battlechip
>> Rushmallow
>> Smaller Governmint
>> Orange Alert Sherbet
>> Clinton Im-Peach
>> Jimmy Carter Peanut Malaise
>> Nutty Environmentalist
>> Choc and Awe
>> I Hate the French Vanilla
>> Iraqi Road

Oh, dear.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:29 PM

Friday, July 16, 2004  


Now we know! Now we know! Goooooo Spartans!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:25 PM

OH, GOOD! "Iyad Allawi, the new Prime Minister of Iraq, pulled a pistol and executed as many as six suspected insurgents at a Baghdad police station, just days before Washington handed control of the country to his interim government, according to two people who allege they witnessed the killings."

Oh, yay! Iraq is so much more free now! I'm so glad Bush knows what he's doing!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:40 PM


If Martha Stewart getting five months in prison is to be the standard for stock hanky-panky, I want to see Kenneth Lay get fifty years in pound-you-in-the-ass prison. That is all.

ETA: "But the woman who saw her gracious homemaking empire crippled over a single transaction smiled boldly into the cameras outside to denounce her treatment, pitch her company and vow: 'I'll be back.'"
I wasn't a fan before. I am now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:36 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004  


I'm keeping the entry open for at least a couple of days; time will tell if I leave it open or make it members only (and anyone can join, so that's not even that big a deal). Icons are here. Sample:

GUINEVEIRA: Hey, baby! Hey baby, you so fine, baby!

ARTHUR: *keeps riding*

GUINEVEIRA: I've heard lots of stories about you, about how you're a big strong killative man.

ARTHUR: *keeps riding*

GUINEVEIRA: Hey, can I borrow a cup of sex?

ARTHUR: *rides away*


posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:45 PM


Remember the story of Victoria Bitters/Amy Player/Jordan Wood who died a few times, came back to life, and declared she was the reincarnation of 1) a hobbit and then 2) Elijah Wood, and then turned up last month as a Harry Potter impersonator? Yeah. Now it's hit the papers.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:29 PM


It severely disappoints me that Custard the cat is now described as "sarcastic."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:35 AM

Monday, July 12, 2004  



posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:53 PM


Quick, long-delayed announcement, while I'm over here working on "King Arthur in Fifteen Minutes": our old friend and affiliate has changed its url to the simpler "," and you may or may not get a porn site if you use the old link on our news page. In the meantime, while I'm cranking things back into gear at the Digest, visit KK Wavefront for all your Guineveira needs.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:05 PM


Coming Soon: " reports that the four young leads for Disney and Walden Media's The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe have been announced.

The New Zealand Herald says that the four children are Georgie Henley, 9, from London, who plays the lead character Lucy; Skandar Keynes, 12, also from London, who plays Edmund; Anna Popplewell, 15, from West Yorkshire, who plays Susan; and William Moseley, 17, from Gloucestershire, who plays the eldest brother Peter.

Meanwhile, The Dominion Post also revealed that Jim Broadbent (Moulin Rouge!) will play the role of the professor in the film. He previously starred in Walden's Around the World in 80 Days.

Andrew Adamson is directing the film for a December 23, 2005 release date."

It would have been a really nice touch to get Anthony Hopkins for the professor, but there you go.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:09 AM


Mr. Cranky: "Frankly, given this film's flimsy attitude toward history and producer Jerry Bruckheimer's name on the credits, I was waiting for the scene where a couple of horses run over a cliff and explode on the way down. Sadly, no such luck."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:30 AM

Sunday, July 11, 2004  


BBC: "[Elijah Wood] was answering questions about his new film, an adaptation of the book 'Everything is Illuminated', when a fan wandered up to him and handed him an envelope. It had written on the front that Elijah should sit down whilst opening the envelope, and inside was a photo."

Fortunately, he was GIVING A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE TIME, so it wasn't too hard to find a chair. Click the link to see what was in the photo.

Czech security is lax, y'all.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:11 AM



posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:01 AM

Friday, July 09, 2004  


Coming Soon: "USA Today caught up with I, Robot star Shia LaBeouf at the film's premiere and he revealed interesting casting bits about Warner Bros.' new Superman movie, which the newspaper says will begin filming in November.

'I met with McG (the director) today and talked about Jimmy Olsen and who's going to be playing who,' said LaBeouf. 'The production's so locked down they said I can't even take the script home. I have to go to Warner Bros. (studio) to read it and then leave it there.'

LaBeouf may not have left with a script, but he did leave with some intriguing casting info, the article says. Mainly, Jake Gyllenhaal is apparently no longer in the running for Superman.

'They're going to go with an unknown,' said LaBeouf, adding that McG is trying to lure Scarlett Johansson for Lois Lane and Johnny Depp for Lex Luthor."

Scarlett Johansson for Lois Lane? NO NO NO NO NO.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:30 AM

Thursday, July 08, 2004  


If you're like me, and I know I am, the time comes when you as a writer find yourself in need of a pen radio, or perhaps some mace to stun the pen radio into submission. So, it is with great pleasure that I announce that, should you ever find yourself in need of a small television, a stun gun, or, for that matter, a first aid kit, I know a man who can hook you up. (Scroll to end of entry.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:41 AM


I have no idea why these two people are still together, but I hope they never break up.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:30 AM


As djb notes on, you'll see this elsewhere. But it needs to be seen, because it's just that stupid.

(Adds djb: "The conspiracy-loving part of me says that they did this on purpose so they could tell us later that Kerry changed his mind at the last minute on account of being such a -- sing it with me if you've swallowed the Bush team's talking point -- flip-flopper.")

Which reminds me... I really need to go catch up on my reading at TWOP.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:20 AM


Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffudd, Chris Evans, and Jessica Alba? This is so not the cast list rumor has focused on for the last few months. Where is Julia Stiles? WHERE IS GEORGE CLOONEY??

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:27 AM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004  


I just found this blog off a link from the FT boards, and I love it.

"I always feel thinner when I'm tan. You know how black pants are slimming? Dark colors? It's like black pants for your whole body."
"Except black pants don't kill you."
--Two women talking in the produce section at Whole Foods

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:44 PM


This looks like so much fun, but I got stuck on the second damn level--I'd picked all the flowers, killed all the ladybugs with them, gotten the rocks and the pickaxe and the donut and... the teleporter thing wouldn't take me anywhere, no matter what I put on it.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:32 PM


Did you know that the man the movie was based on is still living at the airport? Apparently Dreamworks paid him $250,000, and he actually has papers now that allow him to leave, but since he's been living in the Charles de Gaulle Airport since 1988... he's "scared to leave this bubble world he has been living in."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:09 AM

Friday, July 02, 2004  


Olsen twins + cocaine= Does not compute. ERROR! ERROR!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:09 AM


As Fametracker notes--tongue in cheek, yes, but the facts remain the same: "'Hi, I'm Gary Oldman. Good news for Star Wars fans: I've signed on to star in the next film. Bad news for Star Wars fans: George Lucas is still involved. Heavily. He's asked me to play a very evil character named 'General Grievous.' I guess the names 'Admiral Anarchy,' 'Commander Chaos,' and 'Major Troublemaker' were already taken. In another development, he's going back and alter all the previous films, taking every reference to 'Darth Vader' and digitally changing them each to 'Darth Dastardly.''"

I think it's time for me to point out that IMDB article about Gary Oldman being up to his ears in back-owed taxes again. Bless.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:51 AM


Really, if you want to get people to read this, MSNBC, call it "Wing vs. Sars." It so took me a moment to figure out who was debating the worth of Ben Stiller and why I should care.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:45 AM


Marlon Brando, age 80, of causes as yet undisclosed, in an LA hospital. MSN:

Brando, whose unpredictable behavior made him equally fascinating off the screen, was acclaimed the greatest actor of his generation, a two-time winner of the Academy Award who influenced some of the best actors of the generation that followed, among them Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Jack Nicholson.

He was the unforgettable embodiment of the brutish Stanley Kowalski of “A Streetcar Named Desire,” the mixed up Terry Malloy of “On the Waterfront” (which won him his first Oscar) and the wily Corleone of “The Godfather.”

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:43 AM