I'M SAYIN'

San Francisco Chronicle, echoing something I railed about for a good five minutes in my own recap: "With one minute left to go, [Billy Crystal] watched a TV screen showing 'Access Hollywood' commentator Billy Bush grabbing celebrities out of their seats for interviews in ABC's preshow telecast.

'This is the most annoying man in show business,' Crystal said to no one in particular. "

OSCAR POOL

A few more pool ballots are coming in, but these are the final stats as far as I'm concerned. Click the link to see what the pool's predicted.

OSCAR PARTY

I'm hanging out at the party page, working on pool stats while the earlybird E! coverage drones on. (Fun fact: Charlize Theron tried to get the lead in Showgirls.) The tagboard is up, although the features FOR WHICH WE PAID have not kicked in yet. GRRRRR.

BINGO!

Oscar bingo! Generate one-of-a-kind cards! With slots including but not limited to:

"I'll keep this short"
"Joke about length of show, early in show"
"Camera cuts from Nicole Kidman to Tom Cruise"
"Colin Farrell looks drunk"
"Someone picks up where Michael Moore left off"
"Another weird Sharon Stone getup"
"Kids, go to bed now"
"Governator joke"
"Billy Crystal imitates Gollum"
"Paris Hilton joke"
"Cartoon character presents an award"
"Billy Crystal bares breast"
"Presenter insults teleprompter"
"Brad Pitt needs roots done"
"Johnny Depp wears hat"
"Earthquake strikes, everyone dies"

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?"

Ooo, burrrrn.

THE RAZZIES

USATODAY: Gigli is "the first movie to take all six top trophies in the annual dishonorable-mention awards." Other winners: Sylvester Stallone, Demi Moore, and The Cat in the Hat(e), with a special "Governor's Award" for From Justin to Kelly.

"TITANIC VOTED WORST OSCAR WINNER"

Ananova: "Titanic has been voted the least deserving Oscar winning film of all time in a new poll. And Titanic director James Cameron was voted least deserving recipient of the Oscar for best director. Russell Crowe, for Gladiator, and Gwyneth Paltrow, Shakespeare in Love, were voted the least deserving best actor and actress winners.

Readers of the magazine were also asked for their favourite Oscar winners of all time and singled out The Godfather as top film. Steven Spielberg was overwhelmingly voted most deserved winner of the Oscar for best director for Schindler's List. Robert De Niro was voted favourite best actor Oscar winner of all time for his performance in Raging Bull, while Jodie Foster was voted best actress Oscar winner for The Silence Of The Lambs."

1. As someone who did not like Titanic and was upset at the time that it swept... man, even I think that's harsh.

2. As someone who is still a little bitter over Cate Blanchett not winning for Elizabeth.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

Enjoy it, because I can promise you that you won't get one Monday (I'll be on an Oscar hangover with a class that night! Hush).

KING ARTHUR

I see these pictures and all I can hear in my head is some motherly voice going, "Keira, honey? Put on a jacket, it's cold out there!"

YAY!

Seriously, I haven't even seen A Mighty Wind yet, but just the sight of Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara rehearsing for the show Sunday night makes me giddy. It's just too, too funny.

KILL BILL VOL. 2

Nice.

(Thanks to Eric for the link.)

WHY THE SAG AWARDS ARE IMPORTANT

Check out that actor voting bloc down in the left-hand corner.

AEON FLUX

Charlize Theron?

Well, hey, scantily-clad action hero worked for newly-minted Oscar winner Angelina Jolie...oh, wait.

OSCAR POOL STATS

Forty-six players, including me; top six categories:

Best Picture: Return of the King (97.8%)

Best Director: Peter Jackson (91.1%)

Best Actor: Bill Murray (63.04%)

Best Actress: Charlize Theron (89.1%)

Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins (76.08%)

Best Supporting Actress: Ren?e Zellweger (67.39%)

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

And it's the first picture of Wormtail. Kinda looks like mid-rat transformation.

"ROSIE O'DONNELL WEDS GIRLFRIEND IN SAN FRANCISCO"

IMDB: "Making good on a promise broadcast just this morning on Good Morning America, former talk show host and Broadway producer Rosie O'Donnell married her longtime parter, Kelli Carpenter, in San Francisco today, asserting what she called a proud stand for gay civil rights. Inarguably the most famous of the now 3,300 couples to wed in San Francisco since the city started issuing licenses for gay marriage, O'Donnell and Carpenter marched hand in hand down the stairs of San Francisco's city hall to thunderous applause after a brief ceremony in Mayor Gavin Newsom's office. O'Donnell told crowds after her wedding, 'I want to thank the city of San Francisco for this amazing stance the mayor has taken for all the people here, not just us but all the thousands and thousands of loving, law-abiding couples.' On Good Morning America, she cited both President Bush's backing of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages and her recent magazine trial, during which she and Carpenter were denied spousal privilege, as inspiration for the marriage -- along with, we presume, their six year relationship and four children, three of whom are adopted. Carpenter gave birth to their fourth child last year, via artificial insemination."

"ELIJAH WON'T SEE A THING SITTING BEHIND LIV"

Courtesy Yahoo and Brassy: pictures of some of the Oscar seating arrangements. (You know, those hilarious placards they sit in the seats? Hee.) Also: Somehow, Ken Watanabe bagged better seats than the entire cast and crew of LOTR. Oh, and Sean Penn is supposed to actually show up (gleeful rubbing of evil hands).

"GALAXY OF FAME: WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY WIN THEIR ACADEMY AWARDS?"

"Hello, I'm Seabiscuit, your Best Picture winner for 2004. [...] I guess those Lord of the Rings fans were really counting on a Return of the King Best Picture win as an acknowledgement of the entire trilogy, and when that didn't happen, they got pretty pissed off and took to the streets in their elf ears and hobbit feet and Gandalf hair extensions in cities all over the world, and started overturning cars and setting newspaper boxes on fire and surfing on bus roofs like they did on elephants in that one really fake-looking scene in...sorry! Didn't want to add insult to injury! If by 'injury,' you mean 'a reported $3.7 million in damages that my Oscar win indirectly caused.' So, thanks! And, sorry."

THE BOX OFFICE OF THE CHRIST

The Passion of the Christ exceeded already-generous estimates of $15-20 million to rake in $26.6 million yesterday alone.

Adds Coming Soon, "Passion now marks the third-biggest Wednesday opening ever and the largest for a non-sequel. Only The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ($34.5 million) and Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace ($28.5 million) had bigger Wednesday openings. The Matrix Reloaded is the only R-rated film to make more ($42.5 million) on its first day, which was a Thursday including previews. Spider-Man holds the single-day record of $43.6 million."

OSCAR POOL STATS

If you're interested, here's how the pool is going so far, with 32 players (actually, I don't think this number includes me yet):

Best Picture: Return of the King (100%)

Best Director: Peter Jackson (93.7%)

Best Actor: Bill Murray (59.3%)

Best Actress: Charlize Theron (87.5%)

Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins (68.7%)

Best Supporting Actress: Renée Zellweger (65.6%)

Best Adapted Screenplay: Return of the King (40.6%)

Best Original Screenplay: Lost in Translation (81.2%)

Best Animated Feature: Finding Nemo (90.6%)

Best Animated Short: Boundin' (56.2%)

Best Live Action Short: Two Soldiers (37.5%)

Best Foreign Film: The Barbarian Invasions (87.6%)

Best Documentary: Capturing the Friedmans (46.8%)

Best Documentary Short: Chernobyl Heart (53.1%)

Best Cinematography: Master and Commander (50%)

Best Editing: Return of the King (68.7%)

Best Score: Return of the King (96.87%)

Best Song: Return of the King (78.1%)

Best Costume: Return of the King (75%)

Best Art Direction: Return of the King (87.5%)

Best Makeup: Return of the King (75%)

Best Visual Effects: Return of the King (90.6%)

I think you can see why bookies have stopped taking bets on Return of the King for Best Picture.

OCCUPATION: GIRL

So... here's what's going on with me lately.

I am so behind on things.

SHENANIGANS!

The "kinder, gentler Oscar race" was too good to last; now Dreamworks has gone and taken out an FYC ad for Shohreh Aghdashloo specifically slanting Renée Zellweger as her chief competition--implying "Don't vote for Zellweger."

From the LA Times, quoted in the Oscar Watch forums:

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said Monday that it is considering a number of penalties against DreamWorks, which released "House of Sand and Fog" and purchased the advertisement in last Friday's trade newspaper Daily Variety. The academy's penalties could include steps as minor as canceling some of DreamWorks' Oscar-night tickets to as major as disqualifying one of the studio's films from awards eligibility.

The one-page DreamWorks advertisement was taken out to promote Iranian-born Shohreh Aghdashloo, nominated for best supporting actress for her performance opposite Ben Kingsley as his character's wife, Nadi, in "House of Sand and Fog." But unlike other Oscar ads, the ad specifically and repeatedly features mentions of Aghdashloo's main rival for the award, "Cold Mountain" costar Zellweger.

The DreamWorks advertisement includes excerpts from four newspaper, magazine and television reports that say that Zellweger "will win" but that Aghdashloo "should win." Every excerpt but one includes Zellweger's name.

"It's certainly a new and unwelcome step downward in campaigning," said Bruce Davis, the academy's executive director, who called it "an attack ad." He said he had spoken with several Oscar voters over the weekend who reacted to the ad "with varying degrees of surprise and amazement."

DreamWorks apologized for the advertisement, saying it was never intended as a criticism of either Zellweger or her film. "The ad was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened," said studio co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg. "In a year in which everyone has pledged to take a higher road, we made a very bad and ill-advised mistake."

The ad and its condemnation will probably have an insignificant effect on Oscar voting and on Aghdashloo's prospects, as most academy members already have submitted their ballots. Polling closes today at 5 p.m. The Oscars will be broadcast on ABC this Sunday at 5:30 p.m.

As soon as the ad ran, Brandt Joel, one of Zellweger's representatives at the Creative Artists Agency, called both DreamWorks and the academy to complain. "Clearly, they were upset, and said, 'Is this fair?' " Davis said of Joel's call.

The advertisement falls into a gray area that is not expressly forbidden but could be construed as violating the spirit of the academy's new regulations encouraging "a high degree of fairness and dignity" during the awards season. The "House of Sand and Fog" plug also appears to cross a line by referring to a rival nominee by name. "That certainly hasn't happened in the most recent quarter-century," Davis said. [...] Davis says that some awards promoters can and have interpreted the regulations as loosely as is expedient. "Discussing concepts like fair play and decorum with certain marketing people is like discussing salad with your cat," Davis said.

THE SPAMBOT OF THE CHRIST

(Yes, I am going to keep titling entries "The [Blank] of the Christ" until I stop finding it funny.)

So. The newest plague to hit Livejournal is a bot that leaves anonymous form comments about The Passion of the Christ; it's from "Kyle" and usually starts with "I like [the music you named in the 'Current Music' slot at the top of your entry] too, do they have a new CD coming out?" (This is particularly amusing when you get something like, "I like None, I'm Working too, do they have a new CD out?")

My first thought was that it was some bizarro grassroots organization abusing their internet privileges. Turns out it's not--it's the latest form of Googlebombing. That link right there will take you to a new article at Wired--if you have any kind of blog or journal whatsoever, I suggest you read it and start deleting any spam comments you get. I for one am not going to help these smackweasels promote their sites for free.

THE MERCHANDISE OF THE CHRIST



Caption, USAToday: " A nail pendant is among the official movie merchandise for The Passion of the Christ; a large one on a leather string sells for $16.99."

CASE CLOSED

Neil Gaiman blogs about finally winning his court case against Todd McFarlane over copyrights:

"From having listened to Judge Posner eviscerate the hapless Mike Kahn (Todd's Lawyer)(here's the MP3 of the oral arguments) I can't say it was any kind of a surprise, but it was a huge relief, and the end, or pretty nearly, of a long chapter of dealing with an incredibly shifty and dishonest publisher, of the kind I was warned about when I got into comics, but somehow never really expected to encounter in real life.

It's also, I think, an important judgement for protecting creators from rapacious or crooked publishers, in that it clarifies what a copyright notice is there for, and what a copyright form is there for. A publisher can't (as Todd did) file a form with the copyright office three years after something has been published, claiming to have written something that was written by someone else (er, me in this case) and thus start the statute of limitations running for copyright purposes -- if the real author doesn't find out about this within three years, he or she has lost his copyright. As the judgment points out, 'Authors don't consult the records of the Copyright Office to see whether someone has asserted copyright in their works.' Nor can a publisher sneakily set the statute of limitations running by printing a different copyright notice on a later edition of a work, again, as Todd did."

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE CRAZY OF THE LORD

USAToday: "On Sunday's broadcast, Rooney commented on Robertson's January statement that he believes God has told him that President Bush would be re-elected in a 'blowout' in November.

Rooney said God had spoken to him, saying, 'I wish you'd tell your viewers that both Pat Robertson and Mel Gibson strike me as wackos.'

'They're crazy as bedbugs, another earthly expression,' Rooney said, quoting God. 'I created bedbugs. I tell you, they're no crazier than people.'

Rooney showed clips of Gibson talking to ABC's Diane Sawyer about Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ.

Robertson didn't seem too upset about the commentary on Monday.

'Mel Gibson has, without a doubt, created the finest motion picture on the life of Christ of all time,' he said. 'I am very happy to be linked by Andy Rooney to a talented genius of the order of Mel Gibson.'"

LOVE IS A MANY-LIMBED THING

In the words of the poster, "Look closely at the woman's right side."

OSCAR MANIA

All right, here's what we currently have up at the Digest: my predictions (title link); the Oscar pool form (which I hope to God works--it did the three times I tried it); and the placeholder page for the play-by-play on Sunday.

OSCAR POOL

I would just like to note that I have successfully coded the first six categories. It'll take a while to write the code for all 5000 stinking categories, but it looks like we won't have a problem running a pool this year (thanks for nothing, Yahoo).

HIDALGO

Ooo, nice poster.

A SOUND OF THUNDER

Found this link today--off Fark, I think. It's the original Ray Bradbury story that's going to be made into a movie--think "The Butterfly Effect," only literally: a safari leader takes hunters back in time to kill dinosaurs and lives to regret it.

SAG UPDATE

I would just like to add (I caught the end of the show again on the rerun) that Astin's speech is even funnier if you watch the reaction shots from the audience: absolutely stone-faced. People playing with their silverware, intensely examining water glasses, staring at him with stony indifference--it's like crickets out there.

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

... are currently running again, start to finish, on TNT. TNT, of course, is The Channel of Running All Programming Into the Ground (Men in Black, THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW!).

(Dancing the dance of yay)

SAG: BEST ENSEMBLE

(Dancing the dance we dance when Sean Penn is beaten)

Ah, it's Catherine Zeta-Jones. Here we go. Really big cheer for Station Agent. Kinda scares me. And... ROTK takes it.

Bernard Hill speaks for the cast. Liv and Billy Boyd and Andy Serkis and John Noble and Sean Astin and John Rhys Davies and a few assorted women I do not recognize... heeee, Sean Astin sidles up to Hill and Hill laughs and says, "Ah, here's the next president of the United States." Sean mentions Elijah and Viggo and Orlando and... the unions and runaway productions? Goddammit, Astin, Robbins managed to mention it in two sentences. What next? "Also, I'm no longer fat. Thank you and good night!"

(Update, just to add: I seriously cannot impress too strongly upon you how long Astin rambles. It's like he's at a goddamn political rally. Unfortunately, his topic is in the interests of everyone in the room--a few cheers here and there--so no one's going to stop him.)

Heeeeeeeee--JRD has just elbowed Sean Astin out of the way to "introduce the worst actor"--their producer Bob Shaye. Billy Boyd says something and he is Scottish and very cute. Also, I heart JRD. Did I mention that?

SAG: HOLY SHIT

Ah, Jeff Bridges with Michael Bolton hair to present the Seabiscuit Clip of Why Has This Movie Been Nominated All Over the Place?

Here's Renee--wow, that dress gets wide at the knees. God, I hate the stupid shit they have to read off the teleprompters... ooo, Johnny! ("I may have deserved that." Big cheers.) Also known as "The Sean Penn Award." Big cheers for Penn. Penn has deigned to grace us with his pres--

JOHNNY DEPP WON! HOLY SHIT!

IN YOUR FACE, PENN!

SAG: FINALLY SOME DAMN MOVIE AWARDS

Commercial for Secret Window. Johnny! Satan's Amish!

More Passion. More Word Unlimited International Church, Hoover, AL. Seriously, I like to keep my worship and my movies separate, kthanx.

Poor Vladimir--he's staying up to watch with me. Not even watch--he's seven hours ahead, in Croatia, doesn't get the channel, and is just watching me blog. God bless him. Also, he says that Ngila Dickson just tied herself at the Costume Guild Awards. Heh.

Best Actress, thank God. Here's Clint Eastwood. Goddamn, Charlize Theron is scary lookin' in that movie. Huge cheer for her, by the way. But also for Naomi Watts. Charlize wins. Mark it down for your Oscar pool ballots, kids.

Charlize is misty: "Thank you.... [Sniffling, looks back] Clint Eastwood! It doesn't get any better than this!" She shares it with Christina Ricci and thanks someone, I forget who--a manager, I think, and then a lawyer and then the writer/director. Her date? "My mom, who put me on a plane with a one-way ticket to Hollywood when I was nineteen years old." From South Africa, yo. That's a scary-ass plane ride.

SAG: FINALLY SOME MOVIE AWARDS

Andie Macdowell and Mark Ruffalo. Oh, wait... this is for TV movies. Well, let's just give it to Al Pacino. (Justin Kirk! Justin Kirk! Justin Kirk--oh, wait. Jeffrey Wright! Jeffrey Wright! Jeffrey Wright!) And it goes to Pacino. Bets on how drunk Pacino will be?

Ah, fairly sober. SAG must be stingy with the booze this year. Black shirt, black jacket, black bow tie... gold chain. Good job.

Djimon Hounsou presents the In America clip. The announcer struggles manfully with Hounsou's name.

Here's Meryl again. She cannot be presenting best TV movie, because that's just conflict of interest... oh, no. She's here to present the Annual Death March of Deathly Death. Katharaine Hepburn comes first. Several oldtime actors I know by sight but not by name. Earl Hindman, Wendy Hiller, Mr. Rogers (huge applause), Robert Keeshan (continued applause), Art Carney, Jonathan Brandis (yes, he really is dead), Suzy Parker (wow, I was just reading about her in Vanity Fair), Uta Hagen, Donald O'Connor (applause), Robert Stack (applause), Michael Jeter (awwww, with Mr. Jingles), Buddy Ebsen, Buddy Hackett, Hope Lange (also in the VF article--on The Best of Everything, good read), Johnny Cash (cheers and hollers), Lynne Thigpen (huge applause, wow), Hume Cronyn (ditto), John Ritter (huge applause), Gregory Hines (huge applause), Bob Hope (huge applause), Gregory Peck (ditto). And the last word goes to Peck: "I bid you... farewell."

SAG: COMMERCIALS

Okay, the Starsky and Hutch commercial has officially won me over.

Ben Stiller: "This is what bad men do!" He opens the garage to find... a pony.

Little girl: "A pony!"

Vince Vaughn: "Happy birthday, baby."

Pony falls over.

Little girl: "EEEEEEEEEEEH!"

SAG: LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT

Ah, it's the Screen Actors Guild Lifetime Achievement and Bathroom Break Award, for Karl Malden.

If they ever make a movie about Karl Malden, they must hire John C. Reilly. Exact same nose.

Awwww, he's so very, very ancient. Last line in his montage of roles: "I plan to live a long time... ... ... AND I HAVE THE PATIENCE OF JOB!" Standing ovation, naturally. Malden gives a long, well-written oration.


Vladimir: anyway, is this like the Globes? are they drinking?

Cleolinda: they're not drinking enough, lemme put it that way

SAG: MORE CRAP

Laura Linney and Marcia Gay Harden present the Mystic River clip. Nice and all, but I still haven't quite forgiven Susan Sarandon for that Golden Globes crack about "the real special effects here are THE ACTING," you know, like Lord of the Rings hasn't been trying to pull fantasy movies out of the cheese-o-rama ghetto for three years now. Thanks for helping, there.

Jennifer and the Kief: Comedy ensemble. Winner: Sex and the City. Jesus, Kim Cattrall is ALSO wearing purple. It wouldn't be so weird if all four of the Purple Ladies weren't wearing THE EXACT SAME SHADE. I'm talking same bolt of cloth here, people.

Commercial: Renee gets her very own special Cold Mountain commercial extolling her award wins. SAG was not on there, unless I missed it--surprising, because usually they'll have two versions to run right during/after an awards show--with and without the new win. I've seen it done before.

I like Renee, long after a lot of people abandoned her squintiness, but I have to say--"And then they say IT'S RAAAAAYUNIN'!" cracks. my. shit. up. every time.

SAG: MORE TV CRAP

"Ladies and gentlemen: Somebody and Somebody!" Comedy lead, actor. Basically, everyone on Raymond, Sean Hayes, and Tony Shalhoub. (I'm really glad that Shalhoub has a career after Wings.) And Shalhoub takes it. Huge applause and cheers from semi-drunken crowd. "I'm so... deeply... unprepared..."

SAG: MORE TV CRAP

I mean, nothing personal, but I'm here to dance with someone else.

Dennis Haysbert and... Mariska Hargitay, they said? Can't remember. Comedy lead, actress. (I like Debra Messing's dress.) (Whoa, John Cleese was on W&G?) Megan Mullally wins. I'm never home to see the show--night classes--but I've been catching a few minutes here and there in reruns and I always enjoy Karen.

Mullally has dragged Messing, who appears to be 15 months pregnant, up with her: "Well, I brought Mother Nature with me!"

SAG: MORE GOWNS

Purple is huge tonight: Holly Hunter, Patricia Clarkson, Hope Davis. And that's not even counting lavender (the Bolger sisters and Charlize Theron, as noted previously).

Just saw a commercial for Hidalgo. Mommy of Digest are so going to see that and fight over Viggo Mortensen the whole time. We'll try to go to an empty matinee and not bother you.

SAG: MORE FILLER

Here's Peter Dinklage with a Station Agent clip. I like his voice. Next up: Jennifer Garner and The Kief (They Fight Crime!).

SAG: TV AWARDS

TV movie, female lead: also known as, "Which Angels in America actress will it be?" I think it's three AIA noms to two from something else--both from The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone. I'd like to see someone other than Meryl Streep win, just for kicks--maybe Emma Thompson. Although Mary-Louise Parker was also awesome.

It's Meryl.

Meryl's in a black pantsuit--very nice. She usually gives half-drunken loopy speeches, so... here she goes--has she written a goddamn poem? She's reading something from a card--goddammit, she's written a poem. Goddammit, Meryl, leave public poems to the professionals.

SAG: FILLER

Just saw a commercial for The Passion of the Christ--"See The Passion and Worship With Us!" says a church in Hoover sponsoring the commercial. Sigh. Also saw spots for Taking Lives and Twisted. (Meh.)

Here's Melissa Gilbert, having not been ousted from her presidency yet, despite that coup that nearly happened a few months back. (Or was that Argentina? I get them confused.) Blah, blah blah, their contributions to this evening's awards. blah. Different cultures blah, common ground blee, foster tolerance blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

SAG: MORE GOWNS

Catherine Zeta-Jones, in a dress held together by tape and hope

Evan Rachel Wood, in a feathery dress I would like to wear to my sweet sixteen

Charlize Theron subdued in lavender

Holly Hunter vamping in violet (I know, I know--the society-column schmooze just writes itself, sorry)

Diane Keaton just looking like a vampire

The Bolger sisters from In America, clearly having a ball

SAG: MORE TV AWARDS

The whole cast of Frasier, for some reason. I stopped watching that show shortly before Niles and Daphne got together, and I never looked back. With the usual counterintuitive logic, the comedy cast is here to present best drama (this show! is moving! so! fast!). Six Feet Under wins.

SAG: MONTAGE

"Here's a montage put together by a couple of pale editors who smell like coffee and Canoe." I love Sean Hayes.

People win things. There is music. I take a break to put in picture links in previous entries. I would like to state that Liv Tyler's dress looks much better from behind. Gretchen Mol should be shot for taking the Bettie Page movie away from her.

SAG: SOME TV AWARD

No, really, lead in a TV drama. I like Amber Tamblyn's dress--light blue and structured. (Kiefer! Is intense! In his klip!) And Kiefer wins (jinx!).

Jane Kaczmarek (sp?) and William Petersen. Drama female lead. Vladimir is pulling for Jennifer Garner (looking good in red). Frances Conroy wins for Six Feet Under. Wait, why is Frances Conroy ao upset? Something something grateful something.

SAG: BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Jesus, Liv, what are you wearing? Grey and black with a red belt and Poindexter glasses, what? She presents the ROTK clip.

Best Supporting Actress: Ooo, Jake Gyllenhaal. Yikes, Renee wins. Oscar Watch was predicting a Patricia Clarkson upset--maybe Renee will take the Oscar after all. She's got on another of her great black dresses, by the way. Nice diamond necklace too. Blah blah blah, thank you thank you thank you--okay, I'm impressed that she thanks Charles Frazier first.

Trying to talk to Correspondent Vladimir--am in Up to the Minute Field Reporter mode and can't type properly--whew, commercial break. Also, I think a TV award is coming up.

SAG: BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Naomi Watts looks good--what color is that dress? Sort of an indigo satin? Nice. Tim Robbins wins for Mystic River. Ewww, he's going to get his SAG award "in a dark closet together" with his wife's "and see what happens." We have all been expecting this--I think Robbins is pretty much a lock for the Oscar at this point. There's at least one every year that's a total, total lock, and I think this is the one.

(Famous last words.)

"Actors... need... uh... ha... need words... and..." He thanks Brian Helgeland and Dennis Lehane for the writing. I'm just sayin'.

"They're flashing the lights! What does it mean!" That the mothership is coming! Run!

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

I don't know that I'll recap these after all... tired from being sick and writing children's book for class and etc., etc. ... but TNT is running them twice in a row tonight. If anything bizarro/spectacular happens, I may do a recap. Until then, I think I'll just blog them. Besides, too many TV awards. So keep checking back here.

God, it freaks me out when they have people speak from the tables. "I'm Alec Baldwin, and I'm an actor." "I'm Keisha Castle-Hughes, and I'm an actor." "They've asked for my SAG card back on six separate occasions. I'm Brad Garrett, and I don't belong here." Heeeeee.

WRITERS GUILD AWARDS

...have gone to American Splendor for adapted and Lost in Translation for original.

Also: the Screen Actors Guild Awards are on tonight, which I just found out yesterday, because I am horribly behind on the new awards season and I suck. I may do a SAG recap (and it would be in real time because hell, who can remember what happened afterwards?), but it'll probably be very informal. I probably will have the tag board up, though, if anyone wants to drop by. We ought to test it out, anyway, for next weekend.

THE WEDDINATOR

You know, somehow "Stop allowing gay marriages!" has a lot more heft as an announcement when it comes from not just a conservative, but a conservative who used to terminate cyborgs from the future.

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

From a Livejournal entry: HUUUUUUUUUUGE spoiler. If you've read the book, it's more a matter of "What will this character/monster look like in the film?" If you haven't, it's... HUUUUUUUUUUGE. Also: as toys go, it's kind of disturbing.

TRULY OUTRAGEOUS

Whittled down to the pertinent info from TV Shows on DVD: "The street date for Jem: The Complete 1st & 2nd Seasons is March 30, 2004."

Oh yes, it shall be mine. Oh, yes.


(Oh, and much Jem icon/graphic funness can be found in my journal.)

CATWOMAN

I had a Barbie that looked like this once... after my golden retriever chewed on it.

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

New pictures: nice. Good job minimizing the Hitler Porn mustache on David Thewlis, too.

CATWOMAN

I swear, just when I think the Catwoman movie has reached the nadir of stupid, they find a way to go stupider. (Spoiler. You know, like you care at this point.)

BAFTAS

Dammit! I totally forgot these were on today. So far, looks like Return of the King has won Bafta Orange Film of the Year, Renee Zellweger's won supporting actress, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson (who is dressed up again like Marilyn Monroe. Which is fine) have taken the leading acting slots, and...Andrew Lesnie has won for cinematography. Click the link for more breaking Bafta news.

UPDATE: Oscar Watch has just sent out a full list of winners. I'm putting it in a comment if you'd like to see them.

EPISODE III

Coming Soon: "Nick Gillard feels the Force will be strong in Star Wars: Episode III. 'It's going to be the best prequel. I can't see how it won't be,' says Gillard, the veteran stunt co-ordinator whose outstanding fight sequences have been one of the undisputed highlights of the new Star Wars trilogy.

'Episode III has got everything the other films had and more! The movie is 60 to 70 per cent fighting. Ewan [McGregor, Obi-Wan Kenobi] had 1,000 moves to learn, as opposed to the three pages he had to learn in The Phantom Menace. There's tons of fighting in this one.' "

Yes, but, see--it's the other 30-40% that worries me. You hope that it will not be rough like sand, after all.

AND WHILE I'M AT IT

I got this idea from one of my LJ friends, but it needs to be said here, too, because I've come to know a lot of awesome folks through the blog and the site: I just wanted to say thank you, and say that Valentine's Day is about all the people you care about, not just one person you may or may not have in your life. Chocolate for everyone! You have been

PSA

I'm cross-posting this from Occupation: Girl, because I think it's important, even though I know (in light of recent comments here) that some of you may disagree. And that's your right. And it's my right to post this on my own weblog:

BUSH AND BLAIR NOMINATED FOR NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

You have GOT to be kidding me.

"Bush and Blair have been nominated several years in a row, including this year, by Norwegian lawmaker Jan Simonsen of the right-wing Party of Progress."

Oh. So, basically, you are kidding me. All right, then, carry on.

"BARBIE AND KEN SPLITTING AFTER 43-YEAR ROMANCE"

Look at the picture in the article and tell me you wouldn't dump Ken's tacky ass, too. Oh, and Barbie? That tan is so J.Lo. Got to go, sister.

"DA-AD!"

Awww. Neil Gaiman's daughter is the only person in the world who doesn't think he's cool.

"MEL GIBSON SAYS HIS WIFE COULD BE GOING TO HELL"

MSNBC: “Mel Gibson has come under fire for being hard on Jews in his film ‘The Passion of the Christ’ — but apparently, he feels that Protestants are also doomed to damnation. In fact, it looks like Gibson, a conservative Catholic, believes that his Episcopalian wife could be going to hell.

Gibson was interviewed by the Herald Sun in Australia, and the reporter asked the star if Protestants are denied eternal salvation. ‘There is no salvation for those outside the Church,’ Gibson replied. ‘I believe it.’

He elaborated: ‘Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She’s a much better person than I am. Honestly. She’s, like, Episcopalian, Church of England. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in that stuff. And it’s just not fair if she doesn’t make it, she’s better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair. I go with it.’”

Poll on the same page: "Is Mel Gibson one bead short of a full rosary?"

As of this writing, 63% voted yes.

HEROINE ADDICTION

All right, we've got enough now that I think I ought to show y'all over here at the blog. I've got about 60 now, and readers of my journal have been commenting with theirs, and it's really nifty. Here's the deal: Take anything you want. (The most obvious use is for your Livejournal icon, but I'm going to be putting one here on the blog and on the Digest. They can also be used on MSN Messenger.) Spread the word, make your own, and pass them on. And you can leave a comment here or on one of my journal entries if you'd like to show me your own handiwork.

THE POLITICAL COMPASS

Well, it's official: I'm a lefty. Take the test and get your own handy chart to show where on the political graph you fall. (Thanks go to Mr. Typo.)

HEADGAME OF THE DAY

IMDB: "Nicole Kidman Too Old For Movie"

"Oscar-winner Nicole Kidman was turned down for the lead role in John Le Carre adaptation The Constant Gardener, because she's too told. The 36-year-old Cold Mountain beauty was in the running for the role of Tessa Quayle in City Of God director Fernando Meirelles's upcoming movie. But after meeting with Nicole, Meirelles decided she was too old for the role and set about pursuing her best friend Naomi Watts, 35, instead. However, because of her commitments on Peter Jackson's King Kong remake, Naomi turned the role down and now Titanic beauty Kate Winslet, 28, is the front-runner. "

STAR WARS ON DVD

Good news: September 21, four-disc boxed set.

Bad news: Special edition only.

Coming Soon: "'The original versions technically don't exist,' says Lucasfilm's Jim Ward, who is the project's executive producer. '(Lucas) wanted to represent the films as they exist in his mind, and that's the special-editions versions.'"

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Ooo, new pictures are up. The gallery's on the lower lefthand side, under the thumbnail of the poster.

DECIPHER

Prince Imrahil whaaat? Castamir whooo?

MORE INADVISABLE WEB SEARCHES

Don't ever just plug "Leia" into Google. Trust me on this one.

UPDATES ON UPDATES

This is just to say that I know that the Digest updates have been a little sparse lately, but I was sick much of last week and today I'm having to finish a children's book proposal for workshop. Updates ought to resume tomorrow.

THEY JUST DON'T MAKE EPIC PORN LIKE THEY USED TO

IMDB: "McDowell Still Appalled by 'Caligula'"

"A Clockwork Orange star Malcolm McDowell is still appalled by the completed version of his controversial 1979 movie Caligula - because he didn't expect it to become an epic porn film. The British movie star appeared onscreen alongside Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole and Sir John Gielgud in what he hoped would be a film based on an excellent script by Gore Vidal. But Vidal insisted his name was removed from the credits when Penthouse boss and producer Bob Guccione put the film out two years after it was shot. McDowell recalls, 'He shot all this hardcore footage two years after the film had been completed and then spliced it in. I mean, it was absurd, because the footage didn't even match much of the time. There would be a shot of me smiling, looking at what was supposed to be my horse or something, and then suddenly they'd cut to two lesbians making out. It was just awful. On the positive side, I got to work with Peter O'Toole, John Gielgud and Helen Mirren, but, needless to say, we were all pretty appalled by the final product.' "

HELLBOY

I'm not even all that interested and I think the poster is awesome. Actually, the more I read about this one, the closer I come to looking forward to it.

NUKE IT FROM ORBIT, IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE

Man, and I thought "Gabriel" Van Helsing made me sad. From Eric's blog:

"Mina, Van Helsing and the rest of their crew boldly board the abandoned [space]ship, hoping to recover any valuable freight left onboard. But as they explore its cold, empty passageways, they become aware of a terrible secret. First, Mina uncovers Demeter’s mysterious cargo –- 50 long, black coffins..."

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Th-eGEN-ERIC-pha-rma...

Subject: you will save on medzzzzzzzz



An email so boring, the spammer fell asleep mid-word.

BEST DISCLAIMER EVER

More from Pottersues, the home of bad-Harry-Potter-fanfic mockery, while I'm in the neighborhood:

Disclaimer: I’ve read little of Harry Potter, and I’ve only seen the two movies. So if anything is out of order, remind yourselves. This is fan fiction, if you expect it to be cannon you should step out of the gene pool. Get your panties out of that knot.

I’d also like to add that I’m not really fond of Harry Potter because I find it too annoying and quirky. (Refer to plot bunny as to why I wrote this). But there are some high points that I really enjoy and this most likely will end up as a ‘here’s a piece of my mind thing’. Yes.

THE SPAM OF THE CHRIST

I'm pretty sure Pottersues will take this down, but I've screencapped it if it goes missing, because it's just that damn annoying:



CUT_HERE_HOMES_BEGIN

The Passion of the Christ

in theaters February 25

[picture of bloody Jim Caviezel on crucifix here]

The Passion of the Christ - trailer
another site
more trailers

This is a chain comment - post to FIVE of your blog friends in order to keep this going - pray for salvation and peace!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simply VIEW the page SOURCE with your browser, find where it says CUT_HERE_HOMES for the beginning and end of where to cut! Paste that as your comment. Thank you for passing this on to FIVE blog friends!

CUT_HERE_HOMES_END



I really don't like this idea of a "chain comment" here. If someone posted this crap on my site/blog/journal, I would take no prisoners, let me tell you what.

DIRECTORS GUILD AWARD

Email alert from Sasha at Oscar Watch: "Peter Jackson has won the DGA, according to Variety. He has been nominated twice in a row and the third time is apparently a charm. There's no stopping Rings and Jackson come Oscar time."

STAR WARS: EPISODE III

Did you guys know that current Oscar nominee Keisha Castle-Hughes is the new (careful, spoiler picture) Queen of Naboo? I did not know this, and I feel like I should have. Hell, maybe I did and I forgot. You never know with me these days.

TROY

Looks like the official site has updated. Also, I think it's official: No one is ever going to make a non-flash studio movie site again.

Oh, and here's a Valentine's Day sentiment for you: "Until the day they burn my body, I will love you." Maybe the charm is in the delivery...?

OUR GOD IS AN ANGRY GOD

Coming Soon: "Beyoncé Knowles Confirms Superman Talks"

"You heard it first at Superhero Hype!, and now singer/actress Beyoncé Knowles herself has confirmed that she is up for the role of Lois Lane in Warner Bros.' new Superman adaptation, to which McG is attached to direct. She tells Extra, 'I hope so. Everyone pray that happens for me.'"

VANITY FAIR'S HOLLYWOOD ISSUE

Man, I hope this is not the month my subscription has chosen to run out. Page one: Gwyneth Paltrow has a mild, pregnancy-induced increase in boobage, and Empire Online is shocked, shocked! Oh, and good to see Julianne Moore up there where she belongs. Page two: Kirsten Dunst doesn't look so happy to be there, and her hair looks downright disgruntled. Third page: the look on Maggie Gyllenhaal's face says, "Yeah, I don't know how they got all these bitches together in one room either. In fact, I've been here for sixteen hours waiting on them to finish their pretty, pretty posing. Call me when they get their act together." Also: Someone call an exorcist! Courtney Love has taken over Scarlett Johansson's body!

AWWWW

IMDB: "Murray's Globe Speech Jokes 'Are True'

"Hollywood actor Bill Murray's apparent jokes about firing his agent and his personal trainer committing suicide at the Golden Globe Awards have turned out to be true. The screen star accepted a Best Actor award at the Hollywood ceremony late last month for his efforts in acclaimed movie Lost In Translation - and proceeded to draw laughter when he told the audience he'd dismissed his agents 'months ago' and his 'personal trainer killed himself'. While many put the comments down to Murray's dry humor, it turns out his agent Rick Kurtzman did 'part company with Murray two months ago', according to an assistant to the Creative Artists Agency representative. And his personal trainer Raphael Picaud took his own life in July, confirm friends of the French fitness guru, who ran the exercise studio Body Maxx Exclusive Training Center in Los Angeles. "

THE BROTHERS GRIMM

Ooooo. Costume aficionados ahoy: Monica Bellucci as the Wicked Queen.

BEWARE COUNTERFEIT BIRTH CONTROL PATCHES

So what you're telling me is, India basically sent these women large Band-Aids (see picture). Good job.

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

News. There's a lot of it.

THE LAST THING I PLAN TO SAY ABOUT BOOBGATE

IMDB: "Jackson Admits Super Bowl Stunt Was Intentional"

"Pop singer Janet Jackson has confessed to planning her breast exposure during a live TV transmission of this year's American football Super Bowl. The star, 37, shocked 89 million viewers during a raunchy half- time dance with superstar Justin Timberlake, during which he ripped open her bustier to reveal a naked, pierced right breast. Timberlake, 22, has already taken the blame for the incident, but now Jackson has come forward to admit the whole thing was choreographed moments before the performance, which was organized by MTV bosses. In a statement on MTV's website, Jackson says, 'The decision to have a costume reveal at the end of my half-time show performance was made after final rehearsals. MTV was completely unaware of it. It was not my intention that it go as far as it did. I apologize to anyone offended - including the audience, MTV, CBS and the NFL.' But America's decency watchdogs the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) are less than pleased with the unexpected nudity. Chairman Michael Powell says, 'I am outraged at what I saw. Like millions of Americans, my family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. I have instructed the commission to open an immediate investigation into the broadcast. It will be thorough and swift.' "

You know, if we could get the nation this upset about George Bush and his WMD shenanigans, we could really get somewhere.

SONY ERICSSON EMPIRE MAGAZINE AWARDS

It's not every day that Andy Serkis will beat out Orlando Bloom in a reader-voted contest, you know.

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

John Hurt says that he'll return to play Mr. Ollivander: ""I'm in [movie] four, not three. I was going to turn it down, but I was told by my girlfriend and my agent that if I didn't do it, my children would never speak to me."

YOUNG GODS

Herewith: Correspondent Vladimir's review of the FIPRESCI Prize-winning film.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

IGN has the new poster.

LEMONY SNICKET

Cedric the Entertainer's playing a detective? Is there even a detective in the first two books?

CAN YOU FEEL THE GNOME TONIGHT?

Coming Soon: "Sci Fi Wire spoke to Don Hahn, producer of Disney's computer animated Gnomeo and Juliet, who revealed that Elton John and Tim Rice have written songs for the film. Hahn added that Ewan McGregor remains attached to voice Gnomeo, the lead character in the tale about star-crossed love between ceramic gnomes. The film has been in development for two years and is currently being written. Kate Winslet was reportedly attached to voice Juliet and Dame Judi Dench was involved as well."

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

UPDATE OF CHUCKY

Coming Soon: "Writer/director Don Mancini has debunked the rumor to Creature-Corner... 'Ridiculous rumor #109. Brad is signed, sealed, and thrilled to death. I had lunch with him on Saturday.'"

I'm not sure which scenario is sadder, really. Here's hoping the guy gets another Wormtongue-caliber job soon.

NEOQUEST II

Oh my God, can somebody please tell me where the Eye of Meridell is? I'm past the White River city, and I've been through the swamp and the desert and I got to Phorofor and I can't get in unless I have the key from the Eye of Meridell and I can't find that. Arrr.

Update: Heeeeeeeeee. I just realized something. The lost city of Phorofor? The lost city of 404. Heh.

LEIFLAND

From Fandom Wank: Y'all... this is insane. This is as crazy, if not crazier, as anything I've ever heard of happening in the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings fandoms (and remember, that includes accusations of plagiarism and embezzling from charities). And the best part? It's all about Leif Garrett fans.

SEED OF CHUCKY

Coming Soon: "Now this is not totally confirmed but from my inside sources, Brad Dourif is having mixed feelings in the script for the new Child's Play movie - he is not sure on where the series is going and would rather not do another Child's Play movie with his career finally on the rebound with The Lord Of The Rings films. Please don't take this as confirmed news because they're still in talks; but one thing I learned is they're talking to other actors with voice similarities - most notably Christian Slater - but they're going to continue to talk to Brad Dourif. I assure you this movie is going forward with or with out Brad Dourif."

I wondered if this was going to happen. However, the idea that Christian Slater would end up taking Brad Dourif's leavings... that says a lot about the current state of Slater's career, doesn't it?

THE REAL TOP EARNERS OF 2003

I love how Geoffrey Rush doesn't even get a photograph--just a shot of that pelican he voiced in Finding Nemo. And TORN points out that if the Mouth of Sauron hadn't been cut from ROTK, Bruce Spence would have shot past everyone else. I think someone's agent needs to start renegotiating.

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER FIND YOURSELF SAYING

Kate Beckinsale on shooting Van Helsing: "The tree thing wasn't that fun, because I was upside down in it, and I have to kind of hook my legs around the wire. And just as we were about to shoot, my crucifix broke and fell 30 feet, and I thought, 'Oh God, it's high.'"

SHENANIGANS!

That's right, you heard me: I call shenanigans. The four most-viewed articles on Yahoo:

1. Feds to Investigate Halftime Show Mishap
2. Janet Jackson's Bare Breast Sparks FCC Probe
3. MTV: Janet Jackson's Super Exposure Was Accidental
4. Justin & Janet: Out of Control

Look at the pictures accompanying the articles on that front page and answer me this:

1. If Justin Timberlake reached over and pulled off part of Janet Jackson's costume (which he did), why did he later call it "a wardrobe malfunction"?

2. If Justin and Janet both look so shocked and distressed (which they do), and Janet is in fact trying to cover herself up (which she is), why did he do it in the first place? And why was she prepared with a metal pastie?

3. If MTV was trying to be so Britney-and-Madonna edgy (which they must have been), why did was most of the program ripped straight out of the mid-'90s?

Seriously, people. You have to try to be both stale and raunchy at the same time. How did MTV manage it? And why? And can someone please explain to me why the hell Justin and Janet look so traumatized if they apparently did it on purpose?

EMERGENCY GRAMMAR MOCKERY

A caption in a USAToday article: "Firpo Carr, a friend of Michael Jackson' s family, has layed into Vanity Fair over Maureen Orth's profile of the singer."

"LAYED"?

LET THEM EAT CAKE

I know several FTers who will be pleased to hear this. NY Post:

"Some of Bonnie Fuller's miffed minions have gone to disgusting extremes to exact revenge on the hard-driving editorial director of American Media.

An anonymous former staffer tells the March issue of Vanity Fair that a few of Fuller's fed-up editorial assistants befouled a free meal that Bonnie had ordered them to pack up and send home in a company car so she and her husband could enjoy it later.

'She was just being so, so horrible to so many people and . . . look, I swear to God, we're really nice people,' the ex-staffer tells the magazine. 'You just don't know what we went through.' One assistant 'had a bad cold, so she, um, pulled some stuff out of her nose. That went in the mini-souffle chocolate cakes. And the loaf of bread . . . that went inside my pants.' "

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

Hmm. What with all the Superbowl trailers, updating on Sunday actually sort of worked out well. I mean--yes, I totally planned it this way, why do you ask?

HEARD ABOUT THIS YET?

USAToday: "Then there was the halftime show after the halftime show. Art Spander, columnist for the Oakland Tribune, said he was watching through binoculars as a streaker appeared. 'The guy walked out and kneeled down by the ball, and he had a referee's stripes on,' Spander said. 'He pulls this thing (apparently an easily removed costume) off, and he's stripped nude, nothing but a G-string.'

The man danced and pranced in front of the ball as members of the Carolina Panthers waited to kick off. Then, as security guards rushed onto the field, he ran in the direction of the New England Patriots on the field. Patriots linebacker Matt Chatham belted him, and he was swarmed by the security guards and quickly carried off the field. The incident was not televised."

Heeee, "danced and pranced." I haven't had a good prance since last year's Oscars ("This music makes me feel like prancing!"). Must rectify that.

THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS

I love this: "'We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced halftime show,' said Joe Browne, NFL executive vice-president. 'They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. 'It's unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime.' "

The statement is in regard to Justin Timberlake apparently "accidentally" exposing Janet Jackson's breast at the end of their song, not that I could really tell with the getup she was wearing. Granted, Janet's metal starfish pastie is sort of terrifying in its own way. But you know, if I were CBS and/or the NFL, I would be much more concerned about the paleolithic quality of the entire program. People! It's a halftime show, not a time capsule.

SUPERBOWL HALFTIME

Dude. That was the funniest halftime show ever. All they let Jessica Simpson do was come out in a top hat and shout, "CHOOSE TO PARTY!!!" This after a neverending "Choose to Vote" commercial with the likes of Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Elijah Wood, and--wait, what are we voting on again? The presidential election? In November? Just checking. And then Janet Jackson came out and sang a couple of old songs--how long ago was "It's All for You"?--and then P. Diddy and Nelly came out and I have no idea what they sang or rapped or whatever, except that P. Diddy appropriated that old Toni Basil "Mickey" song because apparently he'd gone five minutes without sampling something and was getting itchy. And then Kid Rock came out and did a medley of "Bawitdaba" or whatever that song was and "Cowboy," and then Janet came back and I swear to God, she and a bunch of girls in combat boots and wifebeaters and garter belts performed "Rhythm Nation." I shit you not. And Janet is prancing up and down the stage rasping, "Prejudice! NO! Bigotry! NO!," and suddenly I remember buying this on cassette tape fourteen years ago.

AngelDust: "This is like... the Superbowl of seven years ago."

Cleolinda: "Dude... this is like, the Superbowl That Time Forgot."

And then Justin Timberlake came out and freakdanced on Janet, sang a song that actually came out this century, and all was right with the world.

QUESTION

Okay. So. I just saw a Bud Light commercial. Snow, sled, blonde on date, candle, unfortunate horse flatulence.

Why would this make me want to buy Bud Light? At all? Ever?

SUPERBOWL MOVIE SPOTS

I'm reporting on the Superbowl movie commercials over at Trailer Park, if I don't pass out from cold medicine first. Updated as they come on, so keep an eye out over there; we've already had Troy and Van Helsing, and I hear an Alamo spot is on the way.

VAN HELSING

The site has relaunched with photos, desktops, goodies, etc. Very spiff. Of course, every time I see the words "Gabriel Van Helsing," I'm seized anew by the urge to throw things. Funny how things even out that way.