VENICE FILM FESTIVAL 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Correspondent Vladimir gets to see The Human Stain and then, at the press conference, asks Gary Sinise the question I'm pretty sure we all want answered. Click the link for more.

SPAM OF THE DAY

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OH MY GOD, MAKE IT STOP!

YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY

So I'm watching Quest of the Delta Knights, which is possibly my most favoritest MST3K ever (all right, all right, after Leech Woman), and as the credits are running, I see a name in the art department--"Len 'Genius' Wiseman." (Half the crewmembers have dumb "nicknames.") So... you mean the Len Wiseman who is currently engaged to Kate Beckinsale and the director of Underworld? While Quest is not on his official filmography, he does seem to have worked in art departments. So, basically... wow. Talk about movin' on up.

ATTACK OF THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL

More reviews from Correspondent Vladimir: Twist (starring Nick Stahl and directed by A GUY YOUNGER THAN ME); The Five Obstructions (Lars von Trier); and coming up soon, Lost in Translation, The Human Stain, and Le Divorce.

FBI TO ARREST TEEN CREATOR OF BLASTER VIRUS

Punkass McSlouchypants? Your ass is MINE.

LIVE FROM VENICE

Correspondent Vladimir brings us two reviews--Persona non grata (Oliver Stone) and Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

BITCHES

Have gotten word from Correspondent Vladimir in Venice. I'll save the rest of his email for his blog, because I imagine that's where the material will turn up, but as I had specifically requested an autograph or two if he could get them:

Anyway, this place seems more disorganised than ever, the press conferences are mobbed by civilians who bought their accreditations, so the Depp/Hayek/Rodriguez one this morning was mobbed by teenage girls who basically jostled me out of the way before I could get you a Deppogram.

HEY! WE TWENTYSOMETHINGS CALLED DIBS, MAN!

SPAM OF THE DAY

Subject: Fwd: Fw: I scored 100

Text: ~Jesus Test~
This is an easy test, you score 100 or zero. It's your choice. If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions.

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father."

Not ashamed Pass this on . . . only if you mean it.

Yes, I do Love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I would be nothing. Without Him I am nothing but with Him: "I can do all things through Christ My Lord who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

This is the simplest test . .. . ! If you Love God, and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things he has done for you.
Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!

This is all well and good. I am, however, ashamed of chain letters, so I won't be perpetuating this one.

FABULOUS

Well, for some wonderful reason, I cannot connect to the internet at all on my own computer. I can't find anything wrong with mine (knock on wood), so I'm going to have to assume that BellSouth is having problems again (I heard something about a third virus out there...?).

In the meantime, I highly suggest you visit Correspondent Vladimir's blog, where he is currently corresponding from the Venice Film Festival. Yes, Venice. Yes, Venice in Italy. Yes, someone we know is actually at the Venice Film Festival. If you don't get over your disbelief soon, I'm going to take it as a personal insult to the Digest. ; )

An excerpt: I'm in the Press Room as I write this, and am surrounded by scores of UK tabloid photographers, digitally touching up their freshly-taken photos. None of them seem to know who the Asiatic woman in green sequined dress, and in Allen's company, is. ... Once upon a Time in Mexico is showing at midnight tonight, but It'll be another holdover for tomorrow, because I'm intrigued by this new Oliver Stone documentary, Persona non grata, which has its only showing at 11PM tonight and which I know nothing about - haven't had time to get my catalogue yet, and nothing about it has shown up in my mailbox. ...The docu is only an hour long, and will be the first Stone I get to see in years. And then I'll hopefully be able to walk 15 minutes to my place, before collapsing. Johnny Depp, Salma Hayek and Sir Anthony Hopkins (woo-hoo!) are here, and will be featured on this blog shortly. Ciao a tutti.

Hit it.

THE PRECIOUS IS MINE!

I hate that the updating of the Digest has gotten so haphazard, but I'm starting a new round of classes, and last week we had The Thing Of Which We Will Shortly Be Able To Speak, and... yeah. Things will settle down. I promise. (I hope.)

Oh, and I risked death and dismemberment at Best Buy to get a copy of The Two Towers. More on that later.

THE ONE BARBIE

Reports of an Arwen 'n' Aragorn Barbie set have not been exaggerated. On one hand, we now have proof that Arwen's dress will inexplicably be a "spring green" color. On the other hand--MY EYES!

NO

Macaulay Culkin as Hannibal Lecter. You. Have got. To be. Kidding me.

DAMN

Seriously, I just don't have any other way to put it. Montgomery, AL: Judge Roy Moore has sneaked a 5,280-pound "monolith" into the state judicial building, a monument to the Ten Commandments, and he won't let it be removed.

USATODAY: On the other side was Larry Darby, Alabama state director of American Atheists Inc., who organized the small counterprotest. "We have rights and liberties that protect minority viewpoints," he said. "What Judge Moore has done is, essentially ... establish Christianity as our state religion."

As an Alabamian and a (lapsed) Baptist, I must say: Damn! Just take it down already! God!

RIP

All right, this is going to sound silly, but I used to have a subscription to this magazine Victoria, and I just loved it to death for two or three years until they changed the layout in a big way, and that was right when my finances took a hit and I ran out of money, so I let the subscription lapse but every now and then I still picked up an issue and I sort of got back into it and I'm doing this whole Black Ribbon quasi-Victorian thing now, so, you know, and I was looking for it at the grocery store yesterday so I could re-up my subscription, and I couldn't find it at all, so I went to the website, and the website says that THE MAGAZINE HAS CEASED PUBLICATION AS OF JULY. And I never got to say goodbye! Didn't even get to see the last issue! (Sniffle.)

EXORCIST IV

Oh my God, they've gone and fired Paul Schrader because "he didn't put in enough blood, guts, and vomit." Keep in mind, now, this is after he finished shooting the movie. They're going to hire a new director to go shoot some new scenes with the requisite goo.

ONCE UPON A SPOILER IN MEXICO

After some discussion of this, I've decided to put out a warning (save yourselves, before it's not too late!): I've had a HUGE Once Upon a Time in Mexico plot point spoiled for me. I mean, unless it happens in the first five minutes, it's just absolutely indefensible that Entertainment Weekly gave it away in the OUATIM "Killer Moment" in the Fall Preview issue, which is where the people I've heard from got spoiled. I was spoiled a while back by some pics I linked to on the Digest--in fact, I assumed that the character was introduced as shown in that picture, or I would have marked it as a spoiler. So imagine my surprise when I see the trailer and the character in question... well, is in much better shape than s/he is in the picture. In fact, if you look closely enough, it's on the damn poster, too. Indefensible, y'all. So: be careful if you want to see this movie unspoiled.

Oh, and for those of you who don't really care and are just annoyed by my vagueness, head over to our affiliate Johnny Depp Zone. To cut the temptation factor, I won't give you a direct link to the pictures, but there is a OUATIM gallery that ought to clue you in.

SONY FALL PREVIEW

...over at Jo Blo. (I saw this earlier over at Coming Soon, but it was a pain to wade through all the intermediate pages to get to this or that picture. Jo Blo has a much cleaner layout for the story.) Movies featured: Underworld, Something's Gotta Give, Radio, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Mona Lisa Smile, The Missing, and In the Cut. Oh, and Big Fish? So pretty! Very pleased that Burton isn't coasting on his usual Goth & Gorey look.

HOME ON THE RANGE

I don't know why, but just from looking at the artwork... I do not have a lot of hope for this film. That, and it has the Cuba Gooding Jr. Kiss of Death.

COLD MOUNTAIN

Newsweek has an article online that specifically addresses Cold Mountain as Oscar bait. Man, I was so stoked for this one until they decided to release it this year instead of next...

X2

So... many... deleted scene... clips...

DAWN OF THE SOBIG

Yahoo: "The culprit behind the fast-spreading Sobig.F virus is expected to try again in coming weeks to create a vast network of zombie computers to carry out Internet attacks, security experts warned on Saturday. 'He wants to build up a (robot) net by creating zombie machines he can control,' said Vincent Weafer, senior director of Symantec Corp.'s Security Response center. "

WTF?

"HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT HE'S OLD"

Just to be clear, that is not something Joel Schumacher actually said. That is something I imagine he was thinking, because damn, what do you say to a bunch of Michael Crawford (age: 62) fans who are pissed that Schumacher and Andrew Lloyd Webber decided they wanted Gerard Butler (age: 33) to play the Phantom of the Opera?

(To give you even more perspective: Christine will be played by Emmy Rossum, best known for her performance in Songcatcher. Age? Sixteen.)

JACKSON TO OPEN NEVERLAND TO PUBLIC

...for $5000 a ticket. Look, if I pay you $5000, will you stay in Neverland and not come back out?

STAR WARS DROVE MCGREGOR TO DRINK

Well, "Sand is rough but you're smooth" pretty much had the same effect on me, too, and I don't even really dig the movies that much. I don't even want to think about the chemical addictions actual fans were driven to after seeing the prequels.

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Well, it just seems to be a LOTR week, doesn't it? There are a few ROTK stories at Coming Soon today (including news of a marathon rerelease of the first two movies before the third one opens), but these lines caught my eye in particular:

The Wellington archer has made "a couple of thousand" for Peter Jackson's trilogy, including all the arrows fired by stars Liv Tyler and Orlando Bloom, who plays elf archer Legolas.

Whaaaaaaaaaat?

ETA: "Wellington Archer" so sounds like an Edith Wharton character. "But Wellington, you must convince the Countess Olenska!"

Oh, and there's a "preview of the preview" over at The Movie Box (via War of the Ring). It's a large download, so as soon as it finishes I'll report back as to what, exactly, it is.

ETA: Based on the exhaustive screen caps I've seen, it is the preview--but with the behind-the-scenes footage snipped out. The bootleg trailer that came out almost a month ago? That's the tail end of this. So if you missed that, get thee to War of the Ring.

THE BLACK RIBBON

If you've been following the Bennet-Jones correspondence, you might have noticed that the next item on the table of contents was set for... this past Monday. It was a relatively large update, coming very quickly on the heels of the large Friday installment, so I didn't announce it... so today, you have both Monday's and today's installments if you haven't been keeping up. Thus, over at the site, you will find a desperate letter from Mr. Bennet; two postcards, two letters, and a telegram; an equally desperate telegram from Miss Jones; and... a word search?

MILK BATHS ARE OVERRATED

All right. As my friends will tell you, I am semi-famous for being "The Spill Queen," in that I am capable of causing spills of any and every liquid and semi-liquid substance, usually in a spectacular fashion. I had a glass of milk sitting on top of my computer this morning (I think you see where I'm going with this). I'm still not quite sure how I did this, but apparently I turned around and got caught on some kind of cord, most likely my headphones, and VOOOOSH! went the milk all over the room. Literally, all over the room. I'm talking the wall behind me, the desk, the TV, the floor, the ergonomic chair, the keyboard--NOOOOO! NOT THE KEYBOARD! I had just switched out a nasty old crumb-filled keyboard for a much nicer and newer one, and here I go, spilling milk of all things on it. And yet, half an hour, half a box of Kleenex, and one patient pair of tweezers later... here I am.

PETER PAN

I'm checking up with the EW.com fall movie preview (as opposed to the preview in the magazine), and this picture looks to be new.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS

...and bad news. The good news is that you can buy all those awesome new Return of the King posters that came out yesterday--AND support the Digest! Yay!

The bad news is... it's gonna put you back a few dollars. And by "a few," I mean "many." Click the pic to assess the wallet damage.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

Some new pictures over at the EW site in their top ten movies they want to see this fall, basically--I've noted below whether I had already scanned it in or not:

10. The Last Samurai (new)
9. The Cat in the Hat
8. The Alamo (new)
7. Mystic River (didn't scan)
6. Mona Lisa Smile (didn't scan)
5. The Matrix Revolutions (new)
4. Kill Bill
3. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (didn't scan)
2. Cold Mountain (new)
1. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (old)

A NOTE TO THE FOLKS AT HOME

I just checked my dailydigest@yahoo.com account--you know, the one I don't check because that original computer crash a year ago was likely caused by an email I opened there--and half the email subject headings in my overflowing inbox are known virus keywords. (The one that pisses me off the worst, given my line of "work"? "That movie." Seriously, I have gotten real email from readers being that vague.)

Ergo: Do not write to me at dailydigest@yahoo.com or cleolinda@dailydigest.net (it's the same address) and expect an answer, because I don't open email there (I rarely check it, as a matter of fact; it just comes with the website). In fact, if you know my Hotmail address, don't email me there--I mean, you can; I just won't open it unless I know you. If you want to get in touch with me, use the email form on our Contact page (or leave me a comment here on the blog). The email forms get sent straight to my Hotmail; it's just a lot safer because viruses won't prey on me through a middleman like Geocities, unless the virus is sentient enough to go to the web page, fill out the form, upload a virus, and hit "send," in which case it's the end of the world as we know it, and we're all screwed anyway.

HEYYYY! I'M OVER HERE!!!

Cruising some of my blogging colleagues, I see a blog called "Look at Me." Well, at least s/he's honest.

LOOK, I'M NOT PROUD OF THIS

...but someone had to do it. We've been sitting on the LOTR thread at FT, obsessively refreshing the LOTR official site until we get the actor greeting we want (and since we're a varied group with diverse interests, that's a lot of refreshing). So let's cut to the chase, shall we? (You know me--I give the people what they want.) Copy and paste at your leisure:

http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_1.swf (Billy Boyd)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_2.swf (Christopher Lee)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_3.swf (Dominic Monaghan)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_4.swf (Elijah Wood)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_5.swf (Ian Holm)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_6.swf (Liv Tyler)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_7.swf (Orlando Bloom)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_8.swf (Peter Jackson)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_9.swf (Sean Astin)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_10.swf (Viggo Mortensen)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_11.swf (Andy Serkis)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_12.swf (Miranda Otto)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_13.swf (Bernard Hill)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_14.swf (Brad Dourif)
http://www.lordoftherings.net/swf/welcome_15.swf (Karl Urban)

And yes, they only go up to 15; if an actor is missing, it's because he doesn't have a recording up yet.

BRING OUT THE GIMP

New pictures from Matrix Revolutions. A bit dodgy, that one I linked to...

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Wow, no John Cleese in #3? (He says he will return for #4.) First no Sean Biggerstaff, then no Cho Chang appearance--looks like we're getting down to the nitty-gritty of distilling the book now.

CONSTANTINE (HELLBLAZER)

I know it sounds cute to tout the casting of Rachel Weisz and Keanu Reeves as a "Chain Reaction reunion," but really... I'm not sure you're doing either actor a favor.

JURASSIC PARK 4

Coming Soon: "LDJW Films reports that Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl star Keira Knightley has signed to star in Jurassic Park IV, set for a summer 2005 release."

Don't do it, Keira! You have so much to live for!

SOBIG VIRUS HELP

Holy shit--I got through the Blaster/Lovesan virus epidemic unscathed, and here I nearly fell victim to the Sobig like a damn idiot. I'd even read the page about it at Snopes (the link above; it has info on where to download a system cleaner), but suffice it to say that I had written two crucial emails last night regarding The Thing Of Which We Cannot Yet Speak, and so when I got an email titled "Message Could Not Be Delivered," I was all like, "Well, hell, which email didn't get through?"

Only the email in question had no text... and was to an address I'd never heard of... and had an attachment called "application.pif." Since I'd also sent off an affiliate application to MovieGoods yesterday, I was like, Uh.... Should I.... (No, you idiot, no! Don't open it! Are you stupid?) Well... but... I...

And then I sat up with a start and said aloud, "THAT FILE ENDS IN .PIF! HOLY SHIT!" I remembered that much from Snopes, at least. So here's hoping that merely opening the email doesn't hose me, and that you, too, will remember this the next time you get a shady email.

CATWOMAN

Sharon Stone may play the villain, "Laurel, the head of a cosmetics company by day, evil criminal mastermind by night." Laurel isn't my real name, but it's very close, so, you know, it's good to see the "Laur-" family of names getting some more play in movies.

DE-LOVELY

Well, here's your first look at Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd in the Cole Porter biopic, courtesy USAToday.

SHATTERED GLASS

Well, it certainly looks like Lions Gate is going with "star power" over "new interest from current events" with this poster...

UH...

Coming Soon has some inside info on how to access the "secret area" of the official site for The Order/The Sin Eater (apparently it will go by the latter name internationally, which sounds like a better damn name anyway!), and... well... Look, I'm pretty much a lapsed Baptist, but even I found the idea of absolving your sins via website to be a little offensive in its flippancy, if that makes any sense. Don't use someone's religion as your marketing tool, please.

Oh, and the special effects in the clip at that "secret" link are hokey as all hell.

@#$%#@#*&*&@#@%*&@#$@*%%@#(@#

I have just been kicked out of my poetry workshop for what looks like a trumped-up reason. I am so angry I can hardly see straight. There is still the possibility that this is all a grave misunderstanding. I'm afraid to say more at the moment--given the public nature of the internet, after all--but rest assured that there will be more as this develops.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Tina McNally

Subject: Wanna get a drink?

Tina, that sounds awesome. Be right back.

NEWS UPDATE

Sorry--I totally forgot to mention last night that I'd updated the news.

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Eeeeee! New posters! At the official site, no less!




ETA: Can we assume that another batch of posters will come out featuring all the blond folks (Legolas, Eowyn, Faramir, Theoden)? Because, assuming that these posters (like the Aragorn poster before them) will eventually be available for purchase, I can't imagine that New Line would pass up the opportunity to put a great big ol' Legolas poster out for sale.

JOHNNY DEPP AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Yay!

DO NOT GO GENTLY INTO THAT SENSITIVE AREA

All right. The news story at EW seems to be, in a nutshell, that wacky, "not of this Earth" Phish bassist Mike Gordon was taking "fully clothed," "art[istic] pictures of a 9-year-old girl who wandered away from her parents at a Dead concert. The parents discovered them and came to the wrong (apparently) conclusion. The police are still investigating, but the parents have now issued a joint statement with Gordon to the effect that ''[i]t is now clear to all involved that this was an unfortunate misunderstanding, and we look forward to putting this matter behind us.''

However, Gordon had the extremely bad luck to choose the daughter of a Hell's Angel for his little art project--not just a Hell's Angel, but the leader of the local chapter. Yeah. Before the police got there, the Angel "reportedly had some fellow bikers administer some rough justice, New York's WNBC-TV reports. The bikers were not 'gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star's body.'"

Yeah. I'm pretty sure Gordon, however much a space cadet he may be, will never try that again.

MORE ROTK

The Orlando Multimedia pictures have turned up (still scrunched) at Bag End Inn, which also has several I hadn't seen before (awwww, Boromir in the boat!). I put up the OBM caps (unscrunched) here, though, before I found out about Bag End. So knock yourselves out.

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Well, Orlando Multimedia had an awesome set of TTT/ROTK screen caps up from the DVD, but the page seems to be gone now. If it doesn't come back tonight, I'll make my copies available, as I saved all of them in time (and unscrunched them a bit, too).

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: gayle

Subject: health update

God, is this from that woman at the office who won’t ever shut up about her corns?

RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE

Now, how Sienna Guillory went from basic-cable Helen of Troy to Lara Croft--I mean, uh, "Jill Valentine"--is beyond me.

JOHN HOWE BUYS BUBBLE GUM

Too, too funny:

"The other day, having gone to an oriental bazaar with the firm intention of tracking down a riveted mail shirt and some other old bits of rusty metal and junk, we paused in a shop to buy drinks.... And look what I found!

"Tutti Frutti Lord of the Rings Bubble Gum with Super Toys! Complete with the film logo and an inspired selection of artwork, from Alan Lee's depiction of Numenor through a lot of my work to film imagery, including the Gandalf in his cart I did for Peter Jackson.

"Needless to say, I bought a whole bag (sudden, inexplicable craving for bubble gum, no doubt) and even tried to buy the display box, but alas it wasn't for sale. It only had film photos on it, nothing of mine, or it would've been the most lucrative sale of the day for the shopkeeper. Inside each package, there is a collectible sticker (from the film), a cardboard box (collect all 24 and win a prize!) and a toy. In Gandalf's box there was a little pink and yellow plastic car (I mean, think of all those leagues he has to cover in Middle-Earth) and in Legolas' box there was (what else?) a plastic hair clasp. Oh yes, there was some bubble gum too."

MAXIMUM HONEY

Got some interesting questions from a reader going by Gastsby this evening. I can't imagine what prompted them, but they seem to be The Three Great Questions A Movie Buff Must Ask At Some Point In His Life:

1) Are classic movies better than their remakes?

2) Are prequels and sequels better than the first movie (not as in a planned trilogy like Lord of the Rings)?

3) Are black and white movies better than colour?

Well, y'all know me--this is obviously not something I could answer in three sentences. Click the link to read my reply.

SUPERMAN

Looks like we have a possible casting job here--Henry Cavill, which is fine with me, mostly because I have no idea who he is. And that's probably for the best in this case.

MORE ROTK

Holy crow, these are awesome pictures--some TTT DVD and some ROTK, so be careful of spoilers.

KILL BILL

Well, whaddya know, more Kill Bill. This time, Latino Review has the poster, and it ain't half bad.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO

So Correspondent Vladimir and I are chatting and all, and we start talking about this one, and he wants to know what Eva Mendes has done before this, blah blah blah, so I pull up her IMDB page. And that's when I notice the name of her character--Agent Ajedrez.

In English? "Agent Chess."

SPAM OF THE DAY

Cleolinda: I need to do a Spam of the Day!

Vladimir: Spam of the Day: ChristianDebt Christian perspective on Consolidating your Debt

Cleolinda: heh

Vladimir: I bet you get loads of those

Cleolinda: actually, I've never gotten Christian anything before

Vladimir: what!

Vladimir: what is the Bible Belt thinking?

Cleolinda: well, I don't get email from the Bible Belt

Cleolinda: I get it from the Goat Porn Belt

Vladimir: oh yeah

SHARKSLAYER VS. THE INCREDIBLES

Mere weeks after Dreamworks decided to go up against Pixar, Sharkslayer has blinked. Ha!

OH, GOOD

All right, I knew about the chemical weapons in Anniston, and I knew about the Army burning them--my stepfather, who's in the reserves, only moved down here to Birmingham a couple of years ago--but I had no idea it was this bad.

"Anniston is the first American city where citizens have been issued gas masks by the government. For months, people have been urged to learn how to use them. And they've been told that if a chemical leak occurs, don't flee; instead, 'shelter in place' in their homes, schools or businesses.

"Safe rooms are being created in schools, jails and hospitals in the pink zone. The government is spending $55 million to retrofit buildings where the public gathers with refrigerator-size air-filtration systems, according to the Federal Emergency Management Agency. A total of $140 million is being spent on Anniston's preparedness.

"But that brings little comfort in the pink zone. Randy Hayes, 51, senior pastor of Church on the Rock, says the preparations are 'just to appease people, so there's not widespread panic.'

"Many take it as a given that there will be an accident at the incinerator, where the Army will destroy 4.5 million pounds of rockets containing sarin, VX and nerve agents. (These are among chemicals the U.S. government said were being produced by Saddam Hussein and could be used by terrorists.)

"People here say they know what it's like to feel betrayed.

"Uncles and aunts die early from cancer. Babies are born with major organs outside their bodies. Children struggle with mysterious mood swings and the inability to learn.

"It didn't help that two days after starting to burn the weapons, the Army said last Monday it was shutting down for a day because of mechanical problems. The incinerator shut down again Tuesday but was operating Wednesday."

KILL BILL

Three new shots, including one of Vivica A. Fox, who I don't think we've seen before (in KB, I mean).

VAN HELSING

Hey, look, it's Frankenstein.

MORE ROTK

TORN's put up more screen caps from the DVD, with an emphasis on the Boromir/Faramir/Denethor scenes. Very interesting stuff. Oh, and if you look around a bit, you'll see what happened with that sound session at the cricket game--the pictures are hilarious, what with "Death" up on the jumbotron and all.

ETA: Got a request to re-scan the Aragorn picture at a higher res. Given that the original picture was half the size of an index card, you have to give it up for modern technology. Click the pic below for the larger version.

EW FALL MOVIE PREVIEW

All right, I'll give you the same caveat that I put on the gallery page itself: I only scanned in a select sampling of the pictures, some of which weren't even new, and others of which I just didn't give a flip about (sorry, Master and Commander). Given that we're desperately running out of room on our server, I made an executive decision (muahahaha!) and deemed the following selections worthy (or most likely to be requested on a search engine, whatever):

The Alamo (pictured: Dennis Quaid)
Big Fish (Ewan McGregor, Danny DeVito)
The Cat in the Hat (Mike Myers/contents page)
Cold Mountain (Nicole Kidman, Jude Law)
Intolerable Cruelty (George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones)
Hugh Jackman rehearsing for "The Boy from Oz"
Kill Bill #1 (Lucy Liu/contents page)
Kill Bill #2 (Uma Thurman, magnified)
The Matrix Revolutions (Keanu Reeves)
The Missing (Cate Blanchett, Jenna Boyd)
Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter, Jason Isaacs)
The Girl with the Pearl Earring (Tom Wilkinson,
Scarlett Johanssen)
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Viggo Mortensen)
LOTR: TTT DVD ad (full page, Orlando Bloom)
The Last Samurai (Tom Cruise)
School of Rock (Jack Black)

THE BLACK RIBBON

Glory hallelujah, I have finally gotten the thing up again. Part of the delay was BellSouth DSL going down; the other part was the sheer amount of stuff I stupidly decided to put up this week. Which is sad, considering that all I really have to do is put up a letter each week, and all those are already written through the end of October. So I'm basically a glutton for punishment, is what I am.

This week: Miss Jones refuses; the cover and contents page of the issue of the PWR that made up her mind; the final published version of Mr. Youngblood's story from last week; and printable bookmarks (yes, those again). You'll have to look carefully--I'm of the opinion that all the links are pretty clearly tagged, if not labeled outright, but I could be wrong.

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Read the headlines for a couple of days down, because there are several (spoilery) picture-related entries. My favorites are the latest, more caps from the new TT/ROTK scenes on the DVD, and a pic from the FOTR DVD--that may show one of the Dead. You know, see also: The Paths of the. My favorite, though, for sheer cheese value has to be this one, a shot from an apparent Gondorian beer commercial: "Today, life is good." (No, I'm serious, that's the actual line.)

HERO OF THE WEEK

One Amanda Moore, a "sexy lesbian Vogue covergirl" who punched--not slapped, mind you; punched--an interloper on her girlfriend's affections. To wit:

According to one of their pals, Moore - star of ads for DKNY, Costume National, Plein Sud and others - recently discovered that [Kate] Young wasn't being faithful. What's worse, mutual friends told Moore that Young was being led astray not by another woman, but by a man - a popular player on the indie rock scene who's also an A&R man for a hipster record label.

Moore found out that her romantic rival is a regular at Union Square hangout Bar 13's Sunday night "Shout" party. So last weekend she went there looking for him. According to an eyewitness, Moore walked right up to the guy and punched him in the face, sending him to the floor.

When she demanded he apologize for messing with her lady love, he refused and complained about being socked in the kisser. "You deserved it," Moore hissed. "Now we're even."

Our snitch tattles, "She totally embarrassed him in front of all his friends."

Moore's sucker-punch apparently had the desired effect. The interloper has backed off and friends are eyeing Moore with newfound respect.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Hotmail Member Services

Subject: Action required: your account is too large

Yeah, I know. Thanks for adding to the problem, asshat.

OOOOOH

Get 'em while they're still online, six ROTK screen caps in all their awesomeness. Take a good look at that second one, too--notice how far back into the horizon the armies go.

AHHHHHH...

God, getting the internet back is like a crack high. And given that I've almost completely stopped watching TV, I don't listen to the radio, and none of my friends live in town anymore, you might start to see why I was getting withdrawal pangs.

As for catching up on everything else, well, it looks like it's going to be a long weekend.

GODDAMMIT

All right, I have borrowed a computer long enough to get the word out that BellSouth DSL has fallen prey to the LoveSan/Blaster virus. Fortunately, I have not. Unfortunately, this also means that I have no internet service. They said it'd be fixed by yesterday evening, so, you know, I cooled my heels for a while, read some Conan Doyle, no sweat. Twenty-four hours and counting, I am officially starting to go into withdrawal. I didn't even know about the power outages up north, that's how dependent I am on the internet for my news. I'm dying over here. I can't update the Black Ribbon, which pisses me off because this is the one week there's supposed to be a mini-update on the following Monday, and the effect is kinda dulled now.

Oh, and the Alamo teaser trailer is out. And I can't watch it. Huzzah.

COULD IT BE...SATAN?

All right, I'm officially freaked out. Our current, all-time hit count? 666,111 hits. Seriously, if y'all would like to run up, say, about 1000 extra hits for me, I'd really appreciate it, as I'm not so much, you know, down with the Number of the Beast and all.

NEWS UPDATE

So I decided to lie low yesterday because of the LoveSan/Blaster virus (hit Maximum Honey for a little insight into that, namely, the ordeal of losing 9 gigs of files to a virus about a year ago), but it didn't hurt that there were hardly two news items to rub together. Even tonight's update is a touch shorter than it's been lately. Nonetheless, Peter Jackson rakes in the cash; Mel Gibson strikes out with the ADL; I've repaired a link to the good Underworld desktop on a reader tip; and Ben Affleck, forced to go out and promote Project Greenlight at the worst time possible, holds up like a champ ("By the time everybody heard about [the stripper thing], I had been in a threesome with Michael Jackson, Elvis and the wolfman").

MAXIMUM HONEY

"More inadvisable web searches" (on top of yesterday's I Survived a Computer Virus and Lived to Tell (But Just Barely) confessional "It's the end of the world as we know it"). Today's inadvisable search: "Victorian handkerchief fetish." Oh yeah. That one went over real well.

TIM MCCANLIES SPEAKS

The article's in reference to Around the World in 80 Days (immediately charming me by reporting McCanlies as saying, "You kind of throw the book out"), but if you saw Pirates of the Caribbean, and I know you did, you saw the Secondhand Lions trailer. And the trailer's all like (Deep Announcer Voice), "Academy Award winner Michael Caine! Academy Award winner Robert Duvall! Academy Award nominee Haley Joel Osment! A film by Tim McCanlies." And I swear to God, people I don't even know turned to me blankly and said, "Who the hell is Tim McCanlies?" And I looked back at people I didn't even know and said, "Seriously, dude, who is this guy?" Something is afoot, y'all.

PROJECT BIGFOOT

Cinema Confidential: "The Hollywood Reporter says that Miramax is set to go forward with a family action-comedy film titled 'Project Bigfoot,' a film set in the world of monster trucks. Eric Bross ('On the Line') is set to direct. The monster truck in this film, although it won't speak, is said to have its own 'distinct personality.' The project is currently out to writers right now."

See, y'all, this is a complete waste. This title is begging for a Project Greenlight parody, complete with first-time writer/director/sasquatch who has problems communicating with his producers ("But we don't have a permit to shoot here, Big!" "WOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR!").

SPAM OF THE DAY

Subject: Be the man with 10 "s

Well, I’m not a man, and I’ve got plenty of quotation marks, but thanks.

"MARLON BRANDO IS COURTNEY LOVE'S GRANDFATHER?"

I don't know about you, but I suddenly understand a lot about this woman.

DADDY DAY CAMP

O God, why hast Thou forsaken us?

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

From Stuff.co.nz: "Rings sound technicians will ask the crowd to stay behind after the Wellington Lions' national provincial championship opening game against Southland to record sounds for battle scenes in The Return of the King. It would take 'five or ten minutes' to record the noises, sound technicians said. Fans can hear the results when the film makes its world premiere in Wellington on December 1. It is the second time the stadium has been used for Rings sound effects. Last year, fans kicked up a din during the tea break of a one-day cricket international between New Zealand and England. The results were clearly audible during battle scenes in the trilogy's second film, The Two Towers. "

Yeah... remember the beginning of the Helm's Deep battle in Two Towers, when the orcs were all massed in front of the fortress and they started grunting and stomping and then the old guy slipped and accidentally shot one of them? Yeah. That's the cricket fans shouting. So, you know, if you can get to this Wellington Lions game and get in on this and send us a report, you know, that would be awesome.

THE ONION

"Confused Americans Seek Steady No. 1 at Box Office": 'Not one of these movies has had any major impact on the national consciousness,' Kohler said. 'Yes, many people saw Bad Boys II. But who saw it twice? Who is quoting lines from it? Who is planning a Halloween costume based on one of its characters?'

Well, I thought Pirates of the Caribbean had us covered on all those bases, but maybe not...

STAR WARS: EPISODE III

All right, normally I give about half a shit about the Star Wars movies, excepting scenes involving Padme costumes and/or Ewan McGregor, but there's a gigantic spoiler up at TheForce.net that has me a little pissed. I mean, damn--thanks for taking away the third reason I bothered to see Attack of the Clones in the theater, guys.

BLASTER HELP

The good folks over at Snopes have links to Microsoft patches and a Symantec Blaster removal tool, if you're one of the Infected ("Hello! Hello...!"). I'm struggling to update my firewall at the moment, but if you don't see me for a while, Maximum Honey ought to provide you with a clue.

KILL BILL

A pertinent line from an AICN scooper's review:

"Don't get me wrong, I am sure that hardcore Tarantino and Kung Fu fans will love Kill Bill, but imagine if the original Matrix film contained 10 more fight scenes and less plot and dialogue. "

Ye gods.

GOSSIP

Damn, yo--Brittany Murphy's just shot off the best breakup quip since Nicole's "I can wear heels now." Re: Ashton and Demi:

The giggly Uptown Girls actress replied, 'I suppose the crux of their relationship basically means to him that age doesn't matter and to her that size doesn't matter. Good going for him, I suppose.'

THE SMOKING GUN

All right, the sentence in question isn't actually at the link--the documents are, but this gem of a phrase arrived in my inbox via the TSG newsletter:

Ever wonder how Snoop Dogg got all those lovely ladies to drop blou in the "Girls Gone Wild" video he directed?

"Drop blou." That is so awesome.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Di Hall

Subject: Do you need some?

Some…? Potato chips? Tax forms? Inflatable furniture? What?

TOMATO NATION

...at a different URL (again). Hit the link to check it out.

HAIL TO THE KING

Remember that awesome new ROTK poster? Yeah, the one with Aragorn and the sword? After talking to some folks who desperately wanted it, I realized that people don't seem to know that it's available. Well, it is--full size for $8.99, baby.

THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

Coming Soon: Hollywood could be coming to Hobsonville. Filmmakers are looking at the airbase as a possible location for a multi-million dollar feature film of C S Lewis' The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The Western Leader understands location scouts, who have searched the country over the past six months, are keen on the site. Enterprise Waitakere's industry and skills development business manager, John Wadsworth, says negotiations with the Government over use of the base are under way. Filmmakers have not yet confirmed whether they will shoot in New Zealand but they are interested in Hobsonville, Mr Wadsworth says. 'They are just working with the owners, which is the Ministry of Defence, as to the availability of it.' The air force is gradually vacating the airbase, which was made surplus to air force requirements by the ministry in 2002. Former west Aucklander Andrew Adamson, who was behind the academy award winning hit Shrek, will direct the film, which is based on the second book in the Narnia series.

IT IS NOT THE SECOND BOOK!!!

KING KONG

Jeezum crow, y'all:

Universal Pictures will pay 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy director Peter Jackson $20 million against 20% of the gross from the new King Kong movie, marking one of the largest deals ever made with a director.

Jackson will share that fee with Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens, the duo with whom he wrote 'The Lord of the Rings' films. The trio shares writing duties on King Kong. And part of the compensation goes to Walsh for producing the film with him.

The $20 million advance puts Jackson in the same territory as stars like Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson. There will be no other gross players on the film, which has been greenlit and is slotted for Christmas 2005.

NEWS UPDATE

And we have another news update. Of particular note: the new Van Helsing (set) and Peter Pan pics mentioned below; movement on Superman; a Thanksgiving showdown for Big Fish and The Haunted Mansion; some truly horrifying sequel ideas; the final game in The Hunt for Lemony Snicket; and a very exuberant news item from EW.

STEPHEN COLBERT IS A NERD

...which I find adorable, actually. I mean, here's a guy who's famous for his acid-tongued work on "The Daily Show," and he sits down with IGN and passionately, unironically discusses his love for D&D and Lord of the Rings:

IGNFF: Have the films continued to impress you?

COLBERT: I was a little distressed in the second film by what they did with Faramir.

IGNFF: Oh, the evilization?

COLBERT: The fact that he succumbs to the power of the ring. Or not so much the power of the ring as he succumbs to ...

IGNFF: He's a bit of a bastard in the film.

COLBERT: Well, in the film, he says, "You're going to Gondor." I thought, "No, no, no!" One of the greatest moments in the book is when he looks at the ring, he knows what it is, and he says, "Alas for my brother, Boromir. He loved Gondor too much. He was willing to take this thing and use it, but I told you if I found this thing by the side of the road I would not pick it up. And I'm a man of my word." You know, it changes his tone completely. Then, they go to Osgiliath, where they have this encounter with the Nazgul that doesn't happen in the book, and then Faramir just changes his mind? Like, the one person in the history of Middle-earth, who when confronted with possession of the ring just changes his mind at some point? That was really heartbreaking.

PETER PAN

Squee! New pictures at Coming Soon!

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

Mike Newell's been confirmed as the director for GOF; I feel a little better about the Alfonso Cuaron (who is undoubtedly the cutest director on the series so far) situation now that they're saying that the production schedules will overlap, and there's no way Cuaron could do POA and GOF and not, you know, collapse in nervous prostration.

So. Mike Newell. I hear his major credits are Four Weddings and a Funeral and Mona Lisa Smile, and I am not pleased. I mean, you're kidding me, right? But then I hear Donnie Brasco thrown into the mix, and suddenly this becomes a very different ballgame. Try these titles on for size:

An Awfully Big Adventure
Enchanted April
Amazing Grace and Chuck
Pushing Tin

"Eclectic" is hardly the word.

VAN HELSING

Interior set pics! Yay! This is what my second cousin Cindy, a set decorator, worked on. It looks like at least one scene will be set at Madame Tussaud's.

APB

All right, the lovely Brassy has put up my all-points-bulletin on a Cate Blanchett fansite that actually currently updates, because I can't find one, and our affiliate went under last month. I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm getting seriously fed up with the situation, because not only is Blanchett a wonderful actress (and my favorite actress), but she's very prolific, and we need a damn affiliate for her. I am serious, y'all--I will open a damn new Cate Blanchett News blog if y'all don't find me an updating site because I can't not matter how hard I look, and yes, that is a threat, and no, you do not want that to happen, because another blog/site is the last thing I need, and yes, I am just crazy enough to do it anyway. Leave me a comment if you have a lead. Please.

GOLLUM FOR GOVERNOR

Council of Elrond: So what does our new candidate have to say about his bid in the upcoming election? He proposes to rid California of “nasssty industrial factories” and return the area to its natural state, or a slightly altered version: swampland. He also proposes a new solution to the energy crisis that has plagued the state for some time: “When the yellow face goes down…nasssty lights stay off.” When the problem of the decreasing school budgets arose Gollum merely replied, “Teach them about fisssshesss…” In fact, Gollum would like to see California return to the bartering system, using fish as currency instead of dollars. Representatives of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) could not be reached for comment.


Look, the accompanying picture alone is hysterical.

DEATHS

Gregory Hines, 57, of cancer. While he was a versatile dancer/actor, the thing that gets me is that I just saw him Friday evening on a syndicated rerun of "Will & Grace," in which Jack was desperately trying to think of something he could do better than the Hines character, and finally cried: "I know! Tap dance!," to the roars of the audience. And Hines looked great, you know? (And he wiped the floor with Sean Hayes' ass, but only after Jack had left the room--see? A great dancer and classy.) And the episode must have been from three years ago, I don't know, but still--it's unnerving to see someone in the prime of life one day and read about his death two days later.

THE BLACK RIBBON

The third installment is up, accompanied by more "internal correspondence" from Primrose Publishers; as a bonus, you get a page from a story that Mr. Bennet finds quite objectionable for his readers, particularly since it involves alcoholism, cadavers, and bad housekeeping.

DO NOT GO GENTLE

I would like to defend myself on this one--they're complaining over at AICN that everyone got the title of this project wrong this week, printing it as "Do Not Go Gently," when the actual quote from the Dylan Thomas poem is "gentle," not "gently." Quoth AICN in deep sarcasm, "but since when do film writers need to have poetry on the mind."

All right, number one: That should end in a question mark, rhetorical question or not. Number two: I have forgotten more about literature in three languages than anyone at AICN will ever want to know. Number three: Of course it's "gentle." It's also a Michael Bay film. Can you see how I--and probably a lot of writers who covered this story--knew the poem but assumed Bay had simply misnamed the film?

Sorry for the overly sensitive rant, but I'll be damned if I'll have the boys at AICN lecture me on literature. (/lit snob ravings)

BIG FISH

USAToday reports that the Burton/McGregor film (which filmed in my home state, and resulted in a surreal Tim Burton sighting in Birmingham by a Friend of Digest just a couple of weeks ago) is getting a major thumbs up from producer Richard Zanuck, who says he hasn't felt this good about a film since Driving Miss Daisy. I'm excited about it, but... we'll see. Oh, and here's a teaser logo:

GARFIELD

This teaser pic does not make me feel better. In fact, it creeps me out a little.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO

I am a little concerned for my boyfriend Johnny Depp in this picture.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Cori

Subject: Don't Front Homie

Oh, sorry about that, dawg.

STRONG PROFANITY AHEAD

Can I just say that my head hurts like a motherfuck? Thanks. I feel a little better now. Well, actually, I don't, but it's nice just to be able to tell someone. Also, if I can't get my right eye to stop watering (ah, my old friend Eyestrain; in two hours I ought to see the return of our compatriot The Twitch), I am going to break down and put on a pirate patch. Actually, that sounds like fun. Arrrrrr!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Empire Online's Pirates of the Caribbean round table interview:

Bloom: But Johnny was coming up with things like butt slaps--that wasn't included because at that moment in the film it was not where we could go with the characters!

PETER PAN

Oooooo! USAToday has new pictures, plus a nice little interview with Jason Isaacs, who plays both Hook and Mr. Darling:

But it's his Hook who grabs most of the attention. After all, the Brit's strong suit is baddies, hassling everyone from Daniel Radcliffe's Harry Potter (as the viperous Lucius Malfoy in last year's The Chamber of Secrets) to Mel Gibson's militiaman (as a cruel Redcoat in 2000's The Patriot). Rarely, however, have his villains shown such keen fashion flair — the better to catch the eye of a girl who seeks a daddy substitute.

"Wendy is very attracted to Captain Hook. He's very cool and sexy," says Isaacs, especially compared with the bland Mr. Darling. "I said, 'Let's have open shirts, sort of Julio Iglesias-style.' "

Atta boy.

NEWS UPDATE

Yay! An actual update! And a rather long one, too! And now I'm off to finish my last revision of the summer semester workshop--and figure out what the hell I'm going to post for the Black Ribbon on Friday.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: wMakayla

Subject: "teeens that love cocckss oblxkrskkxoh"

Oh my God, I’ve just gotten Gollum's porn spam.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

All right, what we have here is the answer to y'all's requests, serendipitously found at Jo Blo--a complete, word-for-word transcript of the movie that also has a link to screen caps of the entire thing. Enjoy.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Sender: Lola X.

Subject: Payment Due22881

Lola X.: The coolest mutha(shut yo'mouth!) in the unwanted email business. When Lola X. comes for your money, you hand it over.

JERSEY GIRL

All right--I'm not saying that I disagree with Kevin Smith, or that I don't wish him and/or Jersey Girl well. I'm simply saying--this has the ring of "famous last words," and I want them on the record:

"Kevin Smith Confident for Ben and Jen Success"

Jersey Girl director Kevin Smith is convinced the appalling reviews for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's new film Gigli won't affect box office sales for his upcoming venture. Real life couple and Jersey Girl stars Ben and Jen have watched as reviewer after reviewer have slammed Gigli for bad performances and poor plot - but Smith does not think the same can be said of his production. Speaking on his View Askew website, Smith says, 'As far as all this worrying about what this weekend's Gigli reception means for Jersey Girl - don't waste your energy. We're gonna be fine. Apples and oranges. S***, apples and blowjobs, really. No further prognostication necessary. I know it's a hot topic this weekend for obvious reasons, but lest we have to endure all this nail-biting speculation for the next eight months, let's curb it now. Whatever's gonna happen's gonna happen. If it's any consolation, I'm not sweating it.' Smith says the reaction of test audiences to Jersey Girl has more than cemented his faith in the film. He explains, 'I've seen Jersey Girl with audiences. I know all the stuff regarding the release plans for the flick that we don't talk about here. And while I'm sorry that Gigli didn't do better this weekend, its critical reaction and box office take won't have the slightest effect on Jersey Girl. Take my word for it.' (IMDB)


ETA: Here's what Smith was responding to in the first place.

GIGLI

Dark Horizons has a link to the best fake ad evah.

THE HUMAN STAIN

Yeah, I'm thinkin' these folks know how to sell their movie.

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

If the New York Post is to be believed, "J.Lo Lives Down Gigli Alone," Ben's "too sick" to do interviews because he was out partying with strippers, and Jen's wailing about "the drama, drama, drama" over $9000 worth of booze with her friends... who include Q-Tip. Q, if you were getting any ideas about sneaking in and usurping Ben's place... trust me, man, it ain't worth it.

NEWS UPDATE

So, you know, nearly a month later, I've finally updated the Newstracker (I know! I can't believe it either!) with as much news from the last three weeks as I could stuff onto one page. I'm sure I missed several stories, and everything new is still covered, but--I'm just saying. It's a process, you know?

Oh, and check out the review Solaana did for us of Dirty Pretty Things while you're at it.

SUPERGIRL

Hee--X-Entertainment has an awesome, screen cap-filled review of the "underrated" 1984 Helen Slater flick Supergirl. I've seen only a few minutes of it while stuck at a relative's house for an extended family Christmas party, so trust me, it looked pretty good compared to whatever else was going on around me. I'm half-tempted to dig up this DVD and watch the whole thing now.

THE SERVER OF REGRETTABLE CRASHES

Awww--James Lileks' mega-site/blog is down. I was worried the other day when I checked and it said that no such site existed--at least now there's a placeholder page acknowledging a server crash. The Institute of Good Cheer and the Gallery of Regrettable Food are among my most favoritest websites ever, so here's wishing Mr. Lileks luck getting the site back up.

LIVE ACTION SAILOR MOON

You lie! (With pictures of cast. In costume. Courtesy dorknewz.)

THE BLACK RIBBON

Just wanted to mention that I added some new artwork to the front page. This is the first week that I haven't had the letter artwork done in advance, so it'll be interesting to see if I can get it all ready by Friday.

SPAM OF THE DAY

Subject: "I never thought it could feel so zkrja"

Indeed. The first time I felt so zkrja was, in fact, quite the memorable experience.

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Previews magazine (via TORN) previews the Topps cards for ROTK (please do not break out the Nerd Spray when I tell you that I have the two previous sets; if it makes you feel any better, I didn't collect them one by one, but rather bought each set in its entirety on eBay).

GIGLI

Jesus! Chuck the Movieguy (if that is his real name) has ruined Gigli's perfect 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes. You'll have to listen to his review on RealPlayer--and get through the American Wedding segment first--but it's mind-boggling:

I know it sounds hokey, but I really like this movie...I really love this movie, I think it's going to appeal to everybody, a great date movie. "A-" appears on the screen behind him.

Best part: "Look at the chemistry in this scene where they first meet!" [Severely blurred picture and garbled sound on my RealPlayer.]

THE BLACK RIBBON

Letter #2, Miss Jones' reply, is online, accompanied by some internal correspondence from the offices of Primrose Publishers and the original Pure and Radiant Poem itself.

In the meantime, I'm considering how "The Black Ribbon" itself--the stories that come after the letters, in October--could be illustrated, since this whole "searching images on Google and dodging copyrighted pictures" is getting a bit tired. I've seen several good amateur artists online, and so I'd like to put out a call for illustrations. If you're interested or know of an artist I should look at, contact me (see top right of page) or leave a comment. I'll give out details then.