Short Attention Span Theater

Short Attention Span Theater
Movies, mayhem and more: A blog from Cleolinda Jones, writer, grad student, space cadet, editor of (That's Miss Cleo if you're SAST-Y.)

Thursday, July 31, 2003  


Well, shit, y'all, we made tonight's IGN Filmforce update and I was too busy working on tomorrow's Black Ribbon installment to notice.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:49 PM


At last--a real pirate's keyboard. (Thanks, Slaye.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:44 PM


"Choose Obi-Wan's Droid! You decide what's in the film!" Uh, can I choose for the movie not to suck?

(In case you're wondering: Yes, I will be heckling SW: E3 mercilessly until the day it comes out. Come on in, the water's fine!)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:51 PM


Subject: "$1 coke whores"

All right. I don’t know much about coke-whoring, but it occurs to me that you can’t possibly get that much cocaine for a mere buck. However, you can get a nice 20 oz. Coca-Cola for a dollar at many vending machines. Ergo, these freak-nasties are pimping themselves out to feed their… soda-pop addictions.

Sometimes, the world is a tragic place.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:21 PM


Is there such a fanfic category as elven twincest yet?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:10 AM


At TFn: First pictures of Ewan McGregor in a movie I know you're all looking forward to with bated breath (/sarcasm). As Correspondent Vladimir points out, CHUD nailed it, as usual, with the observation yesterday that hasn't been "punched in the face" the way poor has been by the new SW movies. TFn, we salute you.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:26 AM

Wednesday, July 30, 2003  


All right, I've had a request to put the caps up in a gallery rather than a zip. Your wish is my command. I am off now for a stiff drink and a bubblebath. Enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:29 PM


All right, I've got 80 screen caps up in a zip file; go to the Daily Digest home page to download it while the downloadin's good.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:08 PM


HOLY SHIT: " brings you this exclusive first look at THE RETURN OF THE KING! This file was sent to us by person or persons unknown, it shows 1:35 minutes in GLORIOUS Quicktime a TON of shots from ROTK. Sam and Frodo in Mordor, Pippin and Merry, Gandalf at Minas Tirith, fell beats, Pelennor Fields, Orcs and Men fighting, Aragorn and MORE! !!!MAJOR SPOILERS!!!"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:14 AM


Subject: "FRESH, FREE Sluts!! adv:adlt"

Obviously the Penis Garden and I should go into business with the Slut Farm.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:46 AM


At Rotten Tomatoes: "Gigli is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter." Don't forget the schadenfreude, cholo.

ETA: "Gigli Focus Groups Demand Ending in Which Both Affleck and Lopez Die" at The Onion.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:28 AM


Quite a kinetic new poster up at Superhero Hype.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:35 AM


Yay! And there's three more where this came from!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:28 AM

Tuesday, July 29, 2003  


The fact of the matter is, I need a vacation. However, I ain't gonna get one, and I've taken enough time off the site as it is. I've got to get through my workshop tonight ("The Apple of His Eye"--wish me luck), but then I'll have a couple of weeks out of class soon, and here's hoping I can get the site jumpstarted again.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:31 PM


This is one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard of--I mean, I understand that the Defense Department is trying to "harness market forces," but what the Defense Department seems to have forgotten is that the market is often driven and/or manipulated by the "investors" themselves. (Play Hollywood Stock Exchange for a few weeks and you'll see what I mean.) Ergo, to ask people to "gamble on terrorism," essentially, is not only extremely morbid, but might actually cause acts of terrorism to occur. Fortunately, Tom Daschle saw this point himself and denounced the plan on the Senate floor (go you, Dash).

Here's my question: What is WRONG with you people?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:28 PM


Actually? I'm pretty sure 1) the crappy first movie and 2) the crappy second movie are to blame. (Entertainment Weekly)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:30 AM


Sender: "Shocking News"
Subject: "Cleolinda Grow your penis safely and naturally"

Here’s my question: I, as a female, clearly do not have a biological penis to call my own. However—and this is, naturally, “shocking news”—I can now grow a penis, and “safely and naturally” at that. Now, this would suggest to me that I simply need to till up some soil in my back yard, send away for my Safe and Natural Penis Seeds, and get cracking. Which begs the question: Why stop at one penis? Why not cultivate an entire garden of penises (penii? penes?). In fact, I think I have just figured out how to pay the webhosting bills for the rest of the year.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:23 AM

Monday, July 28, 2003  


Jeezum crow, but Gary Oldman makes a good Sirius. Also? Michael Gambon looks perfectly fine as Dumbledore to me. (Wow, when'd I become the POA Apologist?) (Thanks, Leaky Cauldron.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:01 PM


Sender: "Myrtie Valenstein"
Subject: "Lenny my pics (some nude)"

Oh, dear. Sounds like I wasn't the only person who got that "Old Lady Orgy" email yesterday.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:37 PM


Um... I do not think the Digest has the scarlet fever page you are looking for.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:13 PM


AngelDust: "Where did you GO? YOU WEFT ME!"

Cleo: "Oh, Lord, [AD], I don't have time for this right now--"


Cleo: "Could you just--"


Cleo: "Could you just stop--"




[Dog of Digest whimpers in a telltale fashion.]

Cleo: "If you make that dog howl again, I swear--"



posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:45 AM


Bob Hope, at the august age of 100, of pneumonia.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:53 AM


The Z Review has really good set pics of Reese Witherspoon, Rhys Ifans and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. (Love Reese's dress, by the way--it's not what you usually see in these Regency-era storylines, the red and the sash and all.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:14 AM

Sunday, July 27, 2003  


Subject: "Old Lady Orgy"

This is totally the name of my next band.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:49 AM



1. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over ($32.5 M)
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl ($22.4 M)
3. Bad Boys II ($22 M)
4. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life ($21.7 M)
5. Seabiscuit ($21.5 M)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:44 AM


All right, having worked in retail, I think I know what these folks are talking about. Lemme 'splain:

It seems that businesses make most of their profits off a very small group of loyal, profitable customers (93% off 17%, I think was one example). So they identify those customers and all but do their laundry and make them ice cream sundaes. Now, honestly, if you're making 93% of your profit from them, I see your point. Those are angel customers.

However, the bottom feeders are "demon customers"--an example was "the two sisters who, in the [opinion of Filene's Basement], made excessive returns and chronic complaints." Filene's actually told them not to come back. In a more real-world setting, what this means is that if you're not a very frequent or involved customer, you might wait on hold for a good long time while an Angel Customer is rerouted to a special customer representative.

And in case you hadn't noticed, this happens at stores that don't even understand the concept. Case in point: At the Video Hell Store where I worked, if my favorite customers came in, I didn't dump other customers for them, but I definitely sneaked Hot New Releases to them, quietly erased their late fees, and hunted down recommendations for them. Yes, this sometimes involved lying to another, often surlier customer about the current availability of a video ("Oh, no, haven't seen that copy of Ponette, I think it's not coming in until Thursday..."). What made a favorite customer? Remember now, these are people I didn't know from Adam's housecat when I started working there, i.e., not friends or relatives of mine--favorite customers were people who came in several times a week, were nice to me, and often asked for me by name when they walked in the door.

(And might I add: These were not the people who tried to sneak back behind the counter or bugged me incessantly as to the whereabouts of checked-out tapes like little children ["Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet?"]. They didn't suck up to us, either. They were simply nice people who made appropriate amounts of conversation and frequented our place of business...well, frequently. That is to say: When you go to a place like a video store and you want to become a regular, be nice and be a regular. Don't give the clerk a cheesy smile and immediately expect a customer-service blowjob. It takes a little time, but honestly, it pays off in spades.)

Read the article if you want to know more, but I found myself having three major thoughts after reading it:

1. Damn straight. (See video store ramblings above.)

2. Oh shit. I'm pretty broke. I'm probably not anybody's Angel Customer. Sucks to be me, doesn't it?

3. You know what the next big business tactic's gonna be, after this theory hits the public? "Come on down to Big Al's House of Whatever, where everyone's an Angel Customer and everyone gets A-1 service!"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:14 AM


Newsweek: Ooooooo.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:50 AM


Over at the Park: Paycheck, Master and Commander: This Title Is Longer Than Some Books I've Read, Timeline, and The Rundown (sigh).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:46 AM


Over at IGN Filmforce:

IGNFF: All these people out there having to console themselves with Barry Ween merchandise [in lieu of "Family Guy" swag]. Was that a controversy that ever got back to you, because I know Judd Winick mentions it all the time...

MACFARLANE: What was it specifically?

IGNFF: That it's amazing how similar Stewie looks to Winick's Barry Ween character – he's a genius and a child as well, with a football-shaped head.

MACFARLANE: I don't even know what ...

IGNFF: Basically a chunky version of Stewie is what it looks like – the same football shaped head, a couple of hairs on top...

MACFARLANE: Really? I haven't even heard of those things.

IGNFF: Yeah, you can check it out on the Net. So yeah, he's been going around conventions saying, 'Yes, it's rather ironic that this character appears after my Barry Ween character.'


IGNFF: Yes, W-E-E-N.

MACFARLANE: Oh, so he thinks we ripped off Stewie.

IGNFF: He's been very subtle about saying it, but it's the impression I get...

MACFARLANE: There was another guy, who did like an underground comic strip, that he claimed ...

IGNFF: I think it's the same guy. It's Judd Winick, who was on The Real World.

MACFARLANE: It's that guy?!


MACFARLANE: Really? Wow. Does Puck have any problems with Brian?

IGNFF: You know, at this point, he probably does.

ETA: You can see Judd Winick's work at I see the general "football head" resemblance, in which case I suppose "Hey Arnold!" could in turn sue Winick. I'm not too worried for MacFarlane.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:57 AM


Well, it's not a completely hateful poster, I'll give them that...

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:49 AM

Saturday, July 26, 2003  


Mostly a personal journal entry--i.e., unstructured rambling of interest to no one else--but it's sort of about a feeling of burn-out I've been having lately, which is why it's relevant enough to post. Theoretically.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:38 PM


Subject: "death will come. Get a life policy"

Well, how cheerful.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:15 PM


All right, after losing five (5) auctions, I have nabbed myself issues 1-6, volume 2, of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, for $30.99--somewhat less than people have been paying on similar auctions for the first five issues only. Apparently, being willing to wait two weeks for #6 to actually come out is worth something--about $20, it would seem.

And somewhere, off in the distance, I hear Mr. Typo shouting, "NERRRRRRRRRRRD!"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:11 PM


With added-scene spoilers. Sounds good. (Thanks, CaptainSnarky.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:58 PM


Also known as Jackie Chan Presents: Gen Y Cops, also known as Tejing xinrenlei 2. I have no idea what this is, except that there is no actual Jackie Chan in the movie, but I was watching MST3K ("Can you read me?" "I don't know, are you published?") and fell asleep, and when I woke up, there was cuuuuuuute Paul Rudd with ridiculous shaggy blond highlights and what seemed to be a bunch of young Chinese young guys chasing other young Chinese guys, although I honestly could not tell you whose side who was on, and I think they switched a couple of times, sometimes underwater, but always with guns, and then Paul Rudd got into a fight with one of them in a hospital, and then I turned the volume up and the dialogue was so awful that I knew this movie and I were meant for each other.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:13 AM


Gee, who saw this coming? I mean, besides all of us?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:14 AM

Friday, July 25, 2003  


USAToday: Jayson Blair, the former New York Times reporter who resigned amid accusations of plagiarism and fraud, has been commissioned to write an article for Esquire, the magazine said Friday.
Blair, who the newspaper said embellished parts of dozens of reports, will review the movie version of the Stephen Glass story, Shattered Glass, said David Granger, editor in chief of the men's magazine.

God! Can't this guy just go away already? Oh, wait, that's right--he had to do all this to "set the real Jayson Blair free," so the real Jayson Blair could rake in the confessional lucre. Sorry, how could I have forgotten?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:17 PM


AICN: “The most sacred acting experience I’ve ever had was at the top of Mount Ruapehu with Elijah Woods in my arms,” says Sean Astin with the contented confidence of an actor who knows he nailed the moment. HoYeah!

(Thanks, Brassy.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:29 AM


Director John Schlesinger, 77, of complications from a December 2000 stroke. Schlesinger was best known for the films Midnight Cowboy and Sunday Bloody Sunday.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:24 AM


In other news, the sky is blue.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:47 AM


Empire Online brings you unused pictures of Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Gerard Butler, and Sophia Myles from their next issue. You're welcome.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:38 AM


On the other hand, there may be no God.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:36 AM


"Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka" is the best damn thing I've heard all week.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:35 AM


"... From the director of Mona Lisa Smile!" What the hell? Is Cuaron just too talented for you people, or what?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:32 AM


Yay! Mr. Bennet's first letter is live, detailing the sad fate of one Mr. D. Everett Russell. You can see the last photographs Mr. Russell took right before his doom closed in as well.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:12 AM

Thursday, July 24, 2003  


God help us all--I'm having to turn this in tomorrow for my workshop, and I thought it was one of my best stories, until I read it again, and even though I'd read it recently, I was suddenly re-reading it through the eyes of my classmates (who are a tough crowd this semester, I might add), and I realized that this story is BAD, if only because it's SO SLOW, and I am going to cry.

This doesn't really make you want to read the story, does it? Well... if it makes you feel any better, I like the last paragraph a lot.

Still don't want to read it, do you? I didn't think so.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:33 PM


All right, I had this bizarre dream this morning, but it's too weird and long a post to put on the blog, so it's over at my Maximum Honey journal. It does involve me and a few celebrities camped out in a hotel room for "a few weeks," and a Goth talent show, and twelve hot brothers, and a woman who slimed on my pillow, so, you know, enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:17 PM


The new full Underworld trailer is out in many sizes, and what's more, you can download it to your hard drive as well. It would be very cool except for the fact that every time Kate Beckinsale opens her mouth, her British accent sounds fake. Which, given that she's British, is really really weird.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:32 AM


Hee hee. This poster is so awesome. Also? I am five.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:22 AM

Wednesday, July 23, 2003  


Well, the bad news is that I'm unable to update for yet another week, as I'm currently struggling with my service provider--only this time, it's not their fault in the least. I'm not saying it's mine, precisely (although... well... ), but it involves some charges that do not belong to me, a "billing error," a credit card that needs to be re-validated, and a negative checking account balance. I'm pretty sure the site's still up; I just can't get into it. With any luck, I'll be able to update Thursday and/or Friday. We'll see.

The good news is that I'm using my downtime to work on The Black Ribbon. The first two letters are done, and they look pretty good. (Doesn't mean it's time to put them up yet, though...) Not only that, but people are actually starting to sign up at the Yahoo group for updates, which is cool. I can't wait for Friday, myself. Which is kind of sad. Also because y'all will all find out how crazy I am. Yay...?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:05 PM

OH MY SHIT reports that a scooper says a Barbie Collectibles dealer (said to her best friend's dog) said that "there will be a Lord of the Rings GS [Gift Set] available this fall. Pictures should be available early in August, so check our website then. I do know that it's a wedding scene.'"

To which I can only say--if previous gift sets are any indication, be very, very afraid.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:06 PM


ETA again: On MSNBC: There was a shootout between the councilman (a retired police officer) and a former opponent "over political issues"? What the hell is this, the wild west? Update: Or not. And this is why I don't listen to live newscasts most of the time.

ETA: MSNBC is now reporting that Councilman Davis has died.

USAToday: The search for the shooter continued inside and outside City Hall, said Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who called the shooting "a random act" and not terrorism.

Brooklyn Councilman James Davis, a former police officer, was shot twice in the chest, according to a police officer at the scene. The second victim was not identified, but Bloomberg said both were "seriously hurt."

At least a dozen shots echoed across the second floor of the landmark lower Manhattan building, with reporters diving for cover beneath their desks one floor below as the hall's rotunda filled with screams.

MSNBC's streaming coverage mentions that Davis is, "ironically," involved with a Stop the Violence campaign. Also: "A very scary situation... people diving under their desks [in the City Hall]... drivers, please avoid the City Hall area."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:21 PM


Well? It's a picture of Gary Oldman as Sirius Black! Go look at it!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:21 AM


We have a reader request for the Pirates of the Caribbean script and, judging from a search I just ran, I'd say that everyone wants this script, but no one has it. So, once again, I turn to you guys for help.

Here's the thing: I don't know that the Elliott & Rossio script is online. (Before you email me and gleefully announce that you have found the script online, read through it and make sure it isn't the script to the Disney ride. Yeah? I thought so.) However, I think it'd be a lot of fun to read. Contact me (info at right) or leave a comment if you've got a lead.

However, I think what most people want is actually a transcript--you know, someone sits down and writes down all the dialogue, everything that happened, etc. Because I'm sure the E & R script changed from desk to set--scripts always do--and I'm sure some of the lines were improvised. Normally I'd hold out for a script, but in this case I think the transcript is actually what people want. Basically, a chronological list of quotes.

So, if you can find a transcript or you are brave enough to sit through the movie a few times (suggestion: bring a tape recorder. Not a video camera, that'll get you arrested) and want to send me a transcript, I will be more than happy to host it.

In the meantime, I would recommend the IMDB's Pirates of the Caribbean quotes page. (Yes, some of the Captain Jack quotes are misattributed to "Elizabeth Swann," and since they're reader contributions, the wording isn't always correct.). Enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:36 AM


IMDB People News: Edward Norton and Salma Hayek's suspected break-up has been confirmed - by a child actor. Earlier this month, reports emerged that the Hollywood couple had gone their separate ways after three years of romance. And while no word of confirmation or denial has come from Hayek, 36, or Norton, 33, 11-year-old Daryl Sabara spilled the beans on Monday while promoting his new movie Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, in which the Frida beauty co-stars. While bragging about how 'buff' he was from weightlifting to American TV host Matt Lauer on the Today show, he declared, 'I was showing off (to Hayek), you know? She isn't with Ed Norton anymore.' Lauer swiftly interrupted, 'You're going to get yourself in trouble,' before changing the subject. Hayek's publicist has yet to comment.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:24 AM

Tuesday, July 22, 2003  


USAToday: Online swappers wondering whether their names are on the record industry's hit list can check online to see if they're among 871 whose identities were subpoenaed in the first step of unprecedented mass legal action to stem Net piracy. The Recording Industry Association of America says it plans to sue the song traders next month.

The U.S. District Court's Web site ( is searchable, though users must first apply for an account; confirmation comes a week later in the mail, and there are fees for documents. The Electronic Frontier Foundation may offer quicker action: The activist group hopes to soon let the public check the same information through

The subpoenas, sent to Internet providers, list the screen names of Kazaa users (Bency-987 and Sk8BoyBen, to name two) along with songs the RIAA says were traded. The provider must reveal personal data and inform the subscriber. "We've received 150 subpoenas in two weeks," Verizon's Sarah Deutsch says. "This type of activity is unprecedented."

Here's why this terrifies me (if you've read my last journal entry at Maximum Honey, you'll know where I'm going with this): I haven't downloaded much for a while, but the last two songs I downloaded, over the weekend, were "Come Go with Me" and "Point of No Return" by Exposé. (Yeah, the '80s pre-fab girl group. Shut up.) So not only might I have to defend my actions in court, but I might also have to use, as my defense, the copy of Exposé's Greatest Hits I own on CD to prove that I was not stealing music and had, in fact, paid for the songs in a previous exchange. (I'm sorry! I like having various individual songs on my computer to play at will! So sue me! Wait, I think that came out wrong...) And so I would like to address an open request to the RIAA: Please, do not make me embarrass myself ("Living on a Prayer"). Because, believe you me ("Hungry Eyes"), there will be embarrassment ("Cool Rider"), oh yes.

ETA: Well, shit. If Michael Jackson is on our side, we're really screwed now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:25 AM


Holy shit, y'all, the Eiffel Tower's on fire.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:09 AM


You know, between Harry Potter, Spider-Man, and this one, summer 2004 is starting to look pretty good. Apparently, nearly the entire cast showed up at Comic-Con to present some footage, which CHUD describes at the link above:

The clip (featuring no dialogue or completed FX work) begins slowly, showcasing the atmosphere Sommers and cinematographer Allen Daviau are shooting for, which appears far different from The Mummy movies, alternating between very dark and moody to resplendent with rich color.

The music and pacing of the footage gradually builds in tempo to a crescendo, showing quick glimpses of castles, racing carriages, lavish ballroom dance sequences, a dapper Dracula and his sexy ladies, a shrouded Igor looking skyward (actually, it seems like many of the characters were gazing toward the heavens during the clip), black-and-white scenes of torch-bearing villagers, Frankenstein's creature bellowing, and Jackman whisking his longcoat.

Action? Yeah, there was a fair share of that, mostly exaggerated leaps and flips, Jackman jumping around (sometimes shirtless), drawing something from his extensive arsenal, and making Errol Flynn-esque swings on his Batman-like grappling hook device. Beckinsale may play a princess in the film, but she'll surely not be a damsel in distress, judging by the somersaults and proficiency with a sword displayed in the clip (guess she developed a predilection for the arse-kicking from making Underworld).

It was difficult to get a good sense of how the finished film will play, but outside of the high-adventure aspects, it definitely seems like a completely different direction from Sommers' previous campy endeavors.

Beckinsale plays a literal princess? Huh.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:47 AM


Hey hey! Dark Horizons has provided a link to a trailer for the new Coens flick, starring George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:39 AM


Yeah, I know, I suck. Shit--or, more precisely, life--happens. I won't be able to update tonight, either--class night, remember?--and the amount of news that has piled up, particularly from Comic-Con, is frightening. No less than I deserve, I suppose, although it's ironic that the weeks I was updating, jack shit happened, and the week I don't, all hell breaks loose. Oh, and here's a self-esteem booster for you: our hits more than tripled while I was gone. Thanks for making me feel needed, guys.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:32 AM


Oooo, new Gandalf pictures (the Grey Havens?).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:27 AM


Jo Blo reports that Bryan Singer has finished a treatment for the next movie--it'll "focus more on Wolverine and Jean Grey with Storm either gone entirely or relegated to a cameo." Halle Berry, meanwhile, has said that she would like to play more Storm (and fly with Storm's cape), and jokingly asked people to write letters requesting that she do so (man, you start writing in that quasi-Victorian tone and it's hard to get out of it). The problem seems to be that Berry wasn't or isn't happy with Storm having a small role in the first place, and so having expressed her displeasure (reportedly telling Singer, "You can kiss my black ass!" at one point), is trying to back pedal a bit and assure the filmmakers that she loves the character. Which she probably does. Meanwhile, X-Men fans around the world are asking, " where's Rogue in all of this?"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:26 AM


Forgot to mention yesterday--there's a new Doc Ock poster/desktop up at the new official site, plus a story synopsis:

Two years have passed, and the mild-mannered Peter Parker faces new challenges as he struggles with "the gift and the curse," desperately trying to balance his dual identities as the web-slinging superhero Spider-Man and his life as a college student. Tormented by his secrets, Peter finds that his relationships with all those he holds dear are in danger of unraveling. His life-long yearning for M.J. (Dunst) becomes even stronger as he fights the impulse to reveal his secret life and declare his love. His friendship with Harry Osborn (Franco) is complicated by the young Osborn's bitterness over his father's death and his growing vendetta against Spider-Man. Even Peter's beloved Aunt May (Harris), who has fallen on hard times after the death of Uncle Ben, begins to have doubts about her nephew. Peter's life is about to become even more complicated as he encounters a formidable new foe -- Dr. Otto Octavius (Molina). Peter must use all the powers at his disposal to try to stop this diabolical madman in his octagonal tracks.

You can read a description of the Doc Ock scene shown at Comic-Con over at CHUD.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:11 AM


I have no idea when I would have time to do this, but what these movies are crying out for is a compare-and-contrast page. Anyway: Angelina Jolie has signed on to Stone's version to play Olympia, Alexander's mother. You may recall, however, that Alexander will be played by Colin Farrell, an actor who, if you asked me offhand, I would have said was older than Jolie (she's older, but only by a year, it turns out). Meanwhile, back at the Luhrmann ranch, so to speak, Nicole Kidman is playing Olympia to Leonardo DiCaprio's Alexander, a bit of casting that works if only because DiCaprio will probably look fifteen when he's forty.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:04 AM


Something's wrong when we live in a world where Ben Affleck is considered a suitable replacement for Hugh Jackman.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:55 AM

Monday, July 21, 2003  


You may have noticed the "Coming Soon" ad below our "Friends" section. For those of you who might be curious, I'm opening up a new site for a story I'm working on called The Black Ribbon. The plan is to start serializing it in October. The site's open (though rather low on content at the moment); you can see the first letter from the "publisher" (and what happened to the previous author) this Friday, with a new letter appearing each week until the story itself is ready to go.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:52 PM


The good news: Yay! Illustrator Kevin O'Neill confirmed at Comic-Con that there will be that third series we've been hearing about! Mina will be coming back! Comics Continuum even has a nice illustration up!

The bad news: Boo! No one else is coming back! (Okay, I wasn't expecting the Invisible Man to return, but...) The third volume will jump between 1920 and 1950! Those decades are not nearly as cool as the 1890s! But oh well!

The super bad (personal) news: NOOOO! LOEG Volume 2 is out of print and isn't coming back, says Rachel at! My order has been canceled because they're out of stock! NO ONE ANYWHERE HAS THESE COMIC BOOKS, GODDAMMIT! I am trying to buy them secondhand now because I WILL. HAVE. MY COMICS. GODDAMMIT.

The really pitiful news: I swear to God this is the first comic I've ever read. I really wasn't Obsessive Comic Girl before this, cross my heart!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:29 PM


Holy shit, y'all--if you are on the internet (and I am going to assume you are, after all), you need this software. I just downloaded it at the recommendation of some fine folks at Fametracker, and it removed an entire GIG of spyware from my computer. And you're talking to someone who was 100 mb away from filling up her hard drive entirely and was desperately trying to clean off her computer. Damn.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:07 PM


TORN is now reporting that Annie Lennox says she's been recording for the soundtrack. I don't know if this means she'll be on an incidental piece of background music (as several lesser-known singers were on the TTT score), or if she'll get an Enya-style song to herself, given that Liv Tyler has also said she's done a song. However, I would definitely take Lennox over Tyler (no offense, honey).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:09 PM


As sung by Leonard Nimoy. Which we knew about. What we didn't know about was the video. Featuring a bunch of shimmying '60s-era babes doing what I can only describe as "The Hobbit Dance." What is wrong with people?

(Thanks[?], Valerie.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:27 AM

Sunday, July 20, 2003  


One of your own is in trouble: I have just been converted to the cult of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (see last weekend's posts). The first five issues of the second series is out; I understand that #6 will come out next month. I WANT THOSE FIVE ISSUES. I have visited fifteen comic shop sites online, and none of them can help me--they either don't carry it or are out of stock, to the point that the last shop had to 'fess up and cancel my order. I've already tried two shops in town, and no dice there, either. I have lost not one but five auctions on eBay, mostly because I am not willing to pay more than $30 for the set (which is ridiculous enough, as each issue sells for about $3.50 on the newsstand). I've heard enough spoilers about the second series that I'm dying to read it. Anyone with a lead on a comic shop or a sale will get their name immortalized on this blog and an imaginary statue built in their honor (sorry, that's about the best I can do). Contact me at cleolinda at hotmaildotcom (damn spammers!) or leave me a comment below.

For those of you interested, I've just heard that the release date on #6 is August 13. Of course, LOEG has run late on several issues, so...

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:01 AM


"Where the hell have you been?" I wish I could say Comic-Con, because I would at least look like I was doing my (non-paying!) job then, but the truth is, I've been swallowed up by classwork. Not so for Ian Smith of, who had the enviable experience of witnessing the Emotional Fan Blackmail of Angelina Jolie for an Hour panel, the 90 minute Kevin Smith Q&A, and the New Line costume presentation, wherein they dressed volunteers (the chick who got dressed up as a Helm's Deep elf looks particularly cool). At the end: "teaser photos" of Smith's next report, the star-studded Return of the King presentation.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:50 AM

Thursday, July 17, 2003  


Johnny Depp! Antonio Banderas! Salma Hayek! And... Enrique Inglesias? It's all there in the taped-off-Entertainment-Tonight trailer for Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Although, if Johnny Depp is going to ask me if I can dig it, I am going to see if I can't find room in my heart to do so.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:59 PM


New at the Park: Thirteen, Open Range, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and The Medallion.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:52 AM

Wednesday, July 16, 2003  


All right... I never thought I would say this... but that was an awesome trailer.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:17 PM


Awright, me hearties, we have a reader request and I want to see if we can't do this. A bonny lass wants a screen cap of a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean--no, not The Smile; we have that one. Fair Maiden describes it thusly:

It's the scene where Elizabeth is putting Jack's belt and hat on for him and he looks over her shoulder at the soldiers and gives them the most incredibly smug look. "Easy on the goods, darling."

Yeah. You know the one. Here's the thing: Screen caps are easy. Finding the right file is hard. I haven't seen this clip online, myself, so finding the clip is the first step. Anyone got any leads?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:56 AM

Tuesday, July 15, 2003  


All right, I haven't even read Alan Moore's Watchmen yet, but after observing the difference between League of Extraordinary Gentlemen the comic and LXG the movie, I'm already afraid. Like, "I will pay you not to make this movie" afraid. However, IGN Filmforce reports that David Hayter (X-Men) is on the job and may be the savior of the project:

IGNFF: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen has just opened, and you're currently working on another big project based on work by Alan Moore, Watchmen. How carefully will you be watching what has been done with LXG in terms of adapting Alan Moore's work? Because the biggest decision with that film is that they dumbed-down a comic book to make a movie, and Watchmen is one of the seminal comic book works, ever.

LLOYD LEVIN: I think that with something like [
Watchmen], if I've learned one thing, it's just to approach whatever you do with as much seriousness as possible and give it as much dignity as it deserves. So as soon as you start to dumb something down you're doing the opposite.

From your mouth to God's ears, man.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:49 AM


Oooo. From Entertainment Weekly:

Children of the '80s should fondly recall ''Labyrinth'' and ''The Dark Crystal,'' Jim Henson's moody cinematic forays. Now the late Muppeteer's company has tapped writer Neil Gaiman (the ''Sandman'' comics) and director-illustrator Dave McKean for a Muppet-free feature (due in 2004) about a circus performer, Helena (Stephanie Leonidas), caught between kingdoms of light and dark. Here, Dark Queen Gina McKee ponders Helena's fate. Gaiman reports that postings on his website have been lively: ''Somebody said this couldn't be at all like 'Labyrinth' because it didn't have the bulge in David Bowie's trousers.''

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:02 AM

Saturday, July 12, 2003  


Complete and total spoilers from The Movie Spoiler: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:29 PM


Wow. I just finished my first comic book, and it rocked my face off. Only now I'm pissed the hell off at what they did to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie. I'm sure other comic fans are already shouting this from the rooftops, but--Mina is NOT a vampire! Quatermain is NOT a dashing hero, he's a worn-out opium addict! Tom Sawyer is NOT in the book! Dorian Gray is--well, Dorian Gray's in the book, but only as a "Paint by Numbers!" feature at the back of one of the issues. A one-off joke, basically. (So no, obviously--Gray and Mina are not lovers.) I can't speak for Nemo or the Invisible Man (sorry, "an" Invisible Man--I won't bitch about IM's name change from Griffin to Skinner because that was a rights issue), but Jekyll over there doesn't look nearly green enough around the gills.

(Oh, and Venice does NOT have streets for car chases! Hell, why are they in Venice ANY DAMN WAY?)

Here's why this is so frustrating: the comic book is practically a storyboard for a movie. A really, really awesome movie. I cannot for the life of me imagine why you would change any of it. Cut things, sure, for time or budget. But why go to all the trouble of changing a great story and great characters? So when you read angry reviews from fans of the comic book, keep this in mind: They're not angry because a bad movie was made. They're angry because an awesome, completely different movie was not.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:01 PM

Friday, July 11, 2003  


Well, this is pretty cool, over at Latino Review--"newspapers" mocked up for Comic-Con with "news stories" about the vampire-werewolf feud in the movie.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:41 PM


Review roundup from the IMDB:

On ABC's Good Morning America critic Joel Siegel led off his review of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by remarking on the extraordinary acting talent of one of its stars, Sean Connery. 'I'd pay to watch him read the morning paper and drink a cup of coffee,' Siegel commented, then added: 'I'd rather do [that] than watch The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,' which Siegel described as 'every action movie this summer lumped together in one big ... lump.'

His colleagues in the print media mostly agree. Roger Ebert in the Chicago Sun-Times calls the lump a mixture of 'incomprehensible action, idiotic dialogue, inexplicable motivations, causes without effects, effects without causes, and general lunacy. What a mess.' Geoff Pevere in the Toronto Star advises: 'Transpose just about any of the reasonable complaints one might have about 90 per cent of the big budget studio releases currently, recently or imminently in release (i.e., that they're underwritten, overblown, forgettable, illogical, irrelevant, intellectually-challenged and yet eager to reproduce) and you've pretty much captured the essence of this joyless, lurching behemoth.' Megan Lehmann in the New York Post counters the highfalutin title with a highfalutin description: 'unfathomable balderdash.' Carrie Rickey in the Philadelphia Inquirer describes it as 'the unwatchable in pursuit of the inexplicable.' Stephen Hunter in the Washington Post even has rancorous words about Connery. 'He confines most of his acting to his left eyebrow and his right fist; they're his only body parts that seem engaged. In all other respects, his performance must be modeled on Darrell Hammond's brilliant impersonations of him on Saturday Night Live as arrogant and stupid but also stubborn and boring."


Meanwhile, I've been looking at fansites and images and excerpts on line, and I really, really want to read the original comic now (and am currently comparison-shopping for used copies of )LOEG, From Hell, and Watchmen). What I've found out about the original LOEG comic so far breaks my heart: the filmmakers have made massive, pointless changes that rob the story of all its original charm, which is particularly tragic given that Alan Moore and the illustrators all but storyboarded the whole thing out for them in the comic.

In other news, I have convinced my mother to forgo LXG in favor of going to see Pirates of the Caribbean this weekend ("Well, I love Sean Connery, but I'm not paying $7.50 to see a bad movie!"). Cooler heads have, indeed, prevailed (yarrr!).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:30 PM


Here's a reminder why:

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:37 AM


A "possible first look at the dementors" has turned out to be a photoshopped Ringwraith, says (with comparison picture). The Snitch says they'll keep the picture up a few more days, then dispose of it. You can see it at the link at the top of the post.

Here's my question: Great photoshop job, man. Where'd you get the face and hands from?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:11 AM

Thursday, July 10, 2003  


Party Monster: Not a poster for the faint of heart... or for those low on bleach, because you'll need to it scrub your brain out afterwards.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:06 PM


... was awesome. Highly recommended; review coming later tonight.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:58 PM


Hey hey, Willy Wonka concept art!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:36 AM


If you haven't seen Princess Mononoke and are just now getting to see Spirited Away, you might be wondering what the big deal about this guy is. Salon very eloquently explains.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:38 AM


IMDB: Star Wars movie-maker George Lucas is insisting all the characters in the new sci-fi sequel sport shaggy seventies-style haircuts - so they look like the stars of the original films. Star Wars: Episode III actors Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen, currently shooting the final installment on set in New South Wales, Australia, are showing off unfashionable 'mullet' hairdos - because they were trendy when the first Star Wars film was made in 1977.

I hope they're getting hazard pay for this--particularly McGregor, who's now spent two consecutive prequels bemulleted.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:31 AM

Wednesday, July 09, 2003  


More news! Yay! Well, not much news, but a shitload of Pirates of the Caribbean reviews. I did my best, y'all. Oh! And a picture of Doc Ock's tentacle--hurry before yet another site is made to take it down.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:49 PM


Awwwwwwww, man, my own sister stepped out on me. See, she asked if I wanted to go see Pirates tonight, and I was all, "Yeah, but I'm already going tomorrow--not that that's a problem, because I'm sure I'll want to see it again," and then she found out that her theater (Carmike) didn't get it, the Regal theaters did, so she wasn't going to be able to get the employee discount, so yada yada not so interested, and so we decided not to go, and I was working all night and didn't notice, and she comes in after 10 pm and flumps down on my bed and starts talking about the movie, and I'm all like, "Wait a minute, did you see it?" "I left four hours ago!" she says, which I hadn't noticed at all (oops).

So. AngelDust gives it a thumbs up. She particularly digs Half-Gay Johnny Depp and His Eyeliner. She also said she knew that it was a good movie when they got to the end and, instead of wanting to scratch Keira Knightley's eyes out, she was like, "GOD! JUST KISS HIM ALREADY!" "Him" being Orlando Bloom, of course--an actor who has a place of honor on her bedroom wall, so this is saying a lot.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:47 PM


...Yeah, but AngelDust is the one with the waist-length hair, so I think I'll hold off, lest she go all Samara on my ass. (I am telling you, child slept in my bed after she came home from this movie, and I ended up on the floor.) Anyway, I finally got hold of The Movie I Watched Through My Coat on DVD today (woohoo!). I really want to see this "short film" extra with deleted scenery and such, although I have a terrible feeling that a stacked DVD will come out in a couple of years. Ah, c'est la vie.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:43 PM


All right. I have no idea how big a deal this movie The Empress King is going to be. Maybe it'll be nothing at all. But for my own protection, I would like to note, here and now, that I have been working on a project (with a completely different subject matter) for several years now called The Maiden King. So, you know, in case it comes up later...

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:26 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2003  


Ooooo, the Witch King in full armour. (Yeah, he does kinda look like Sauron.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:03 PM


So... workshop was interesting. I think I can honestly say that, out of three stories (and three hours), mine seemed to get the best reception--the fewest complaints, certainly. (I told you it was a tough crowd.)

If you'd like to read the story cold, I suggest you click the link above now (it's short) and come back.

At the workshop: What cracked me up was that they all started arguing on where I should go with this, because it was taken for granted that I ought to--no, must--continue the story. Now, remember, I'm not allowed to say anything during all this, so I'm listening to them argue over whether Roscoe's daughter Jenny would come home and how she would interact with "Alice," the amnesiac staying with her parents, maybe Roscoe should be romantically attracted to "Alice," maybe she's a surrogate daughter to him, maybe Jenny's been off in the Peace Corps (!)--and that's the thing, they unanimously agreed that this was Roscoe's story. "Alice" is just a "cipher," like the Peter Sellers character in Being There, "everyone and no one," who does nothing but causes all these characters to reevaluate their lives.

And I'm sitting here thinking, Well, you know, I had planned to write a longer story, a novel or a novella, about "Alice" in her real identity (I'm not spoiling it--you wanna know, go click the link and read the story) and her sister, and the tensions between them, and how "Alice" ended up in Canada, and what happens after her sister tracks her down. Roscoe was incidental, really. But what happened was, I ended up unconsciously writing the story from his viewpoint, so... they all want me to write a longer story about the town itself and "what Roscoe learns about himself as he learns about her."

That, and they all agreed I ought to strike off the final paragraph of the story, which was what the point of the story was (well, the professor agreed on that point--didn't like the paragraph, but saw what I was trying to do, and did like that), so... I'd be very interested to see what you guys think (you can leave reviews at the FictionPress site, whether you're a member or not), or a comment at the end of this post; I have to pick something to do for my thesis project in the spring, and I need to pick it soon, so any feedback would be helpful.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:23 PM


Your first look at King Arthur, from the Z Review. First person to tell me which one of these grizzly guys is Clive Owen gets a cookie, because I sure as hell can't find him.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:24 PM


A review at Coming Soon: "Pirates of the Caribbean is the perfect summer popcorn movie. It has action, adventure, romance, horror, swordfights, big special effects, humor, and a monkey. You can’t go wrong." People! I have been telling you this for how many months now? Zombie pirates + monkeys x Johnny Depp = perfect movie!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:28 PM


So--who exactly is playing Willy Wonka in the Tim Burton remake, Michael Keaton or Christopher Walken?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:50 PM


Yahoo: This year's movie superheroes are getting licked by last year's. In summer 2002, fans were still buzzing about "Spider-Man" when the low-budget sleeper "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" grew into a blockbuster on audience word-of-mouth alone. Moviegoing tends to breed more moviegoing, but this summer, the films are not catching people's fancy in quite the same way.

"Maybe this is just my esoteric theory, but it could be that people just feel like doing something else than going to the theater," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Exhibitor Relations. "Maybe they did so much moviegoing last year that they're burned out."

I have been saying this for months now: It's called "Superhero Fatigue." X2 had an automatic "Wanna see what happens next!" factor from the first movie. Daredevil and Hulk did not. Does this spell trouble for future comic book movies? You bet your ass it does. If the filmmakers can't think of something more to recommend the movie than "It was based on a comic book"--like "good actors" or "compelling writing" or "original vision"--they're going to be shit up a creek.

Oh, and at risk of making this an intolerably long post, I will mention this: the key to a popular movie? Hot guys. I swear. Lots and lots of hot guys, looking hot. Even Spider-Man had two of 'em (three for you Willem Dafoe fans out there). Oh, and Daredevil? "Reasonably hot guys looking ridiculous"? Does not count.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:39 AM


Well, they do.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:28 AM


In an interview on MSN Entertaintment, Orlando Bloom says:

For example, the tabloids -- whether they're writing about his love life (which he won't discuss) or that he plays video games in his spare time (something he denies).

'People can talk, talk, talk -- it's not true. I know what's true, my friends and family know what's true, the people closest to me. Hopefully, if I try to maintain integrity as an actor, it will quash any rumors that come up like that,' he says of the gaming rumor. 'It's all I can do.'

Honey. If "he plays video games" is the worst they can come up with, count yourself super-fortunate.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:02 AM


I think this Salon article focuses way too much on Douglas Fairbanks and gives Tyrone Power short shrift, but yeah--if you're interested in the history of swashbuckling on film as you get ready to go see Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow, give it a shot.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:52 AM


Salon: "A new cable channel to focus on Middle America." I admit, my first reaction was, "Oh, God, not them," until my elitist self realized that they is us. Think about it: What's the automatic go-to setting in any TV show or movie? New York. After NY, possibly a major city in California (LA, San Fran), Chicago, or Boston. Name-brand cities. Rhetorical question: You know how many people in this country do not live in those cities? I'm not saying we live on farms, either, but most of this country is completely unrepresented on TV. When Salon says that the channel will focus on "real American life between the East and West coasts," well, you have to admit that someone's got something there.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:49 AM


From Yahoo: One caller began discussing his [air travel] experiences, and after an unintelligible part of the call, Savage asked him 'So are you one of those sodomists?'

When the caller said, 'Yes I am,' Savage, reclining in a chair with his arms folded and wearing dark sunglasses, responded, 'Oh, you're one of the sodomites! You should only get AIDS and die, you pig!' in a clip of the show hosted on the Web site of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

I would like the record to show that some news stories I have read on the subject list his first slur as "sodomites" rather than "sodomists." Which is to say: Which century is this guy from, anyway? And at what point did he think he could get away with saying these things out loud?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:43 AM

Monday, July 07, 2003  


All right, I suck. I didn't get the "Alex and Emma" contest story in. In fact, I barely finished half a page. Because I suck. But it happens, sometimes--sometimes the ideas crash down on you fully formed. This one didn't. I still want to write it, though--it's a good little idea, but I knew that when I was still struggling with characters names after 11 pm, I was in trouble.

However, this whole Fiction Press thing has prompted me to reevaluate a lot of work--mostly poetry--that I had tucked away in a figurative drawer, waiting for the moment my writerly perspective would increase enough to figure out why they weren't working. So that's good. I'm not sure I've reached that point yet, but I have posted a few more pieces: "Letter to a Lost Acquaintance," "Patricide," "Alone on the Longest Day," "August" (a short story that actually won an award, although in hindsight, the story's a bit angsty and overdone), and "Womany Words" (an overlong, self-indulgent dictionary poem that could use some pruning suggestions if you've got 'em). In the process of revision: "Flammable Ghazal," "Paean to a Working Woman," and... "Hello Kitty Has No Mouth." No, really.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:59 PM


Up, and earlier than usual. Mostly because jack happened over the holiday weekend. However, there's a very strong chance I will actually get to see some new movies this week, so stay tuned for a couple of reviews. (Knock on wood. No, seriously, I think I just jinxed myself.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:16 PM


All right, my Cate Blanchett affiliate has, as the webmistress warned me about a month ago, finally gone down for good. I'm gonna need someone to step up to the plate here and recommend me a good site that still updates, because, so help me, if I can't find a functional Cate Blanchett site on the entire freaking internet, I'm gonna have to put up one myself, and nobody wants that. Leave me a comment or get my contact information up at the right.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:04 PM


"Live and Let Pussy Die," to costar Demi Moore. You know, really, since she produced the previous movies, this isn't too big of a stretch.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:27 AM


USAToday has managed to do a better-than-average puff profile on the ubiquitous Orlando Bloom (Although, truthfully, the writer gets a little het up with the physical adjectives. Simmer down there, babe.). The profile even snags new comments from past and present costars--and from fansite webmasters, including our own affiliate Orlando Multimedia's Jas. Good job!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:22 AM


A little girl wins a Hulk doll at a fair and gets more than she bargained for. Don't do the real-world proportions on this one, because it'll frighten you. With pictures. (Thanks, Mr. Typo.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:32 AM


New at the Park: Two new LXG clips and six new Pirates of the Caribbean clips.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:59 AM


Buddy Ebsen ("The Beverly Hillbillies," Breakfast at Tiffany's), 95, of an undisclosed illness. "But for an allergy to aluminum paint," adds Yahoo, he would have played the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:58 AM

Sunday, July 06, 2003  


So. I've been reading L. Frank Baum's further adventures in Oz (for those of you keeping score, "The Marvelous Land of Oz" and "Ozma of Oz" were combined to make the much-maligned Return to Oz), and I'm on "The Patchwork Girl of Oz," and I come across this exchange between the Shaggy Man (I heart the Shaggy Man, by the way) and a phonograph player (don't ask):

"Here--shut that off!" cried the Shaggy Man, springing to his feet. "What do you mean by such impertinence?"

"It's the latest popular song," declared the phonograph, speaking in a sulky tone of voice.

"A popular song?"

"Yes. One that the feeble-minded can remember the words of and those ignorant of music can whistle or sing. That makes a popular song popular, and the time is coming when it will take the place of all other songs."

Baum wrote this in 1913, folks. A man ahead of his time, he was.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:49 PM


Over at Ebay: A charity auction of Pirates of the Caribbean booty. Corset worn by Keira Knightley? Currently at $305. Pants worn by Johnny Depp? $1125.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:12 AM

Saturday, July 05, 2003  


You know what's really great? Coming down to fix yourself dinner and realizing that your parents are in the next room watching Hannibal. So you start fixing yourself breakfast-for-dinner, because you're too lazy to actually cook anything, and you know what's even better? Hearing the Waltz of Slicing Your Own Face Off while you're waiting for the bacon to microwave. Yum.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:35 PM


Just got the latest issue in the mail--the most interesting feature is Stephen King's glowing review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which he turned in hand-written, and in which he asserts that the Harry Potter series is better than Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series (I'm not saying it isn't, but I love them both so much that I always feel a twinge of anxiety when the question comes up).

Also: A first look at the Cheaper by the Dozen remake (sigh); the bizarre factoid that one of the new "Big Brother" contestants is a retired FBI agent--from my hometown; and reader whipping-boy Joel Stein has been replaced with "Stupid Questions with Carson Daly," a redundancy that nearly makes the known universe collapse in upon itself. (It's official, EW: you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.) Bonus points: The full-blooded cover story is on Katharine Hepburn, not the dueling yin-yang of Legally Blonde 2 and T3.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:22 PM


Will Sauron appear in a concrete form in the last film? TORN puts their best fanwankers on the case (quick answer? Looks like "no").

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:12 PM


Okay, I have a confession to make. Every time I see the title of this movie, I hear Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant," which is basically a joyful ode to S&M, in my head.

Anyway, there's a new poster out at Coming Soon.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:41 PM


You know, I had kind of wondered about this myself--Cate Blanchett's nose is nothing like Katharine Hepburn's. If she's going to play Hepburn in The Aviator, well--you can add to a nose (see Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf), but you can't really take all that much a way. I do think this article ignores one possibility, though--the reason Kidman's Woolf makeup was disqualified from the Oscars: digital touchups.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:09 AM

Friday, July 04, 2003  


Barry White, 58, of "kidney failure from years of high blood pressure."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:26 PM


Alex & Emma? Was a sucky movie. So if we can win the official site's "romantic comedy short story contest" (whaaaat?) and win this sweet laptop, something good may come out of it after all. It has to be 1000 words (about four pages) and in by 11:59 tonight, so that's what I'll be doing this afternoon (while watching The Twilight Zone. Shut up). I've been working on an idea in spare moments for a couple of weeks, and when I'm finished with it, I'll post it up at FP just for kicks.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:02 PM


Awww, man, between the sleeping late and the family lunch, I forgot that today is one of my beloved TZ marathons (God bless the Sci-Fi channel). Up at 4:30: "Wish it into the cornfield, Anthony! Wish it into the cornfield!"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:59 PM


Forgot to mention last night--we have a new and much clearer version of the Peter Pan trailer, which is quite awesome once you can, I don't know, SEE IT.

Oh, and want to know what the music at the beginning is? (Hell, you might know already, but I'm out of the loop, so I had to go ask.) Hit the Park to find out.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:12 PM

Thursday, July 03, 2003  


Interesting factoid: There are not one but two thumbnail pictures of Chloe Sevigny featured under "New Images" today.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:52 PM


So I spent most of last night and this morning selecting, reformatting, and looking over my finished/readable work to upload to my new account, mostly so that this stuff will be somewhere online in case my computer crashes again. However, if any of you have visited Maximum Honey (and my stats tell me that you have), you may be interested to know that I've completely revised "The New World" (it's twice as long now) for workshop and I have two "Havana January" sections up now at FP.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:36 PM


From the NY Post: This seems oddly counter-productive, but never say that Stephen King never did anything for the people:

July 2, 2003 -- STEPHEN King must be a fan of Danny "Trainspotting" Boyle's new horror flick, "28 Days Later." The scare-novelist bought all 275 tickets to the 7:45 p.m. showing at Clearview Cinemas on East 62nd Street Friday night. "When one couple rushed up to the theater and audibly groaned at the 'sold out' sign, King called out, 'Which movie did you want to see?' " our witness reports. "As the pair were telling him, they realized who they were talking to - and he generously handed them two tickets." King kept distributing tickets until right before the trailers started, then sat down with a group of friends.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:18 AM


So I'm reading an interview with the Captain Nemo guy in LXG, Naseeruddin Shah, and at some point the interviewer writes that "[h]e also wears a beard that's several feet long." I don't know about you, but I think this guy may need to go back to school.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:06 AM


Jo Blo's got the new poster up, and I have to say, it gives me the warm fuzzies as a Rachel Weisz fan to see her last name all block-printed up there with the guys'; I could easily have seen the studio going, "Eh, nobody knows who she is anyway." Good show.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:49 AM


I find myself addicted to trying out new hosts and services, and so when I heard about (thanks, Santanico), I had to try it out. This is what I'd ended up using my Easyjournal for, after all--a place to store and display finished work. But Fiction Press has all kinds of nifty features--review and statistics functions, for example--so I've copied all my EJ postings over there. Well, not the last two--the non-fiction ramblings. I'll still use that for editorials or opinion or what-have-you. Yes, it does boggle the mind that I apparently think my ego can support a site, two blogs, a journal, an FP account, and a Cafe Press store--with all of this online real estate, you'd think I actually had something to say. But there you go.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:47 AM

Wednesday, July 02, 2003  


From the Boston Globe:

Is fan fiction part of a newly energized pop movement to put art back in the hands of the consumer class, or is it a cynical exercise in ego that rides roughshod over a living author still in the throes of creating her oeuvre? The answer depends largely on how you feel about copyrights and creative entitlement.

"There's no question that J. K. Rowling is the author of the original work, but Hogwarts [Rowling's imaginary wizarding school] may have room for more stories than she wants to write," says Henry Jenkins, the director of MIT's Comparative Media Studies Program who writes frequently about fan behavior. "And she might not be the best writer for every possible story set in Hogwarts."

To me, a statement like that last sentence is just--well, stunning. I want to acknowledge that there might be a kernel of truth, and partly because I could totally understand fan fiction written in an author's world but with wholly original characters, but--OH MY GOD, SHE CREATED THE DAMN THING IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT'S HER DAMN PREROGATIVE TO WRITE OR NOT WRITE "THE BEST POSSIBLE STORY"!

I'm going to go lie down now.

(Thanks Grammaeryn.)

ETA: Just wanted to add that the feedback on the editorial I've gotten so far is interesting--the posters agree with me, which I find shocking. (I'm totally waiting for for an angry fanfic writer to come busting down my door. But that angry writer? Will totally get space to air his/her views, so come one, come all.)

What I'm noticing, in the comments and on message boards elsewhere, is that many loyal fanfic readers are starting to resent the importance some fanfic writers are placing on their own work. As an anonymous poster writes, "I have been so disappointed in some of the things that fanfiction writers and readers have been saying about the new book. (...) Some fanfiction writers are doing point by point comparisions on thier fics versus the books and give themselves a pat on the back when they guessed something right. Some of the fan fiction readers are egging on this craziness by saying that they like such and such a fic better and declaring that a fanfic writer is better than J. K. Rowling. I do read fanfiction. I think it's fun to read. But this is going to far. I am so angry and can't believe what I have been reading."

But as the Globe article points out, the amazing thing is Rowling's response: "The author 'welcomes the huge interest that her fans have in the series and the fact that it has led them to try their hand at writing.' "

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:01 PM


I just wanted to mention that if you did want to leave a comment on my "Harry Potter and the Order of Shippers" editorial, I did finally notice that I had the "approve all comments before displaying" function on, so those who have commented already are finally posted. Meanwhile, I was going about my business, occasionally checking the published page, all "La la la--hmm, I thought what I said might be sort of controversial, surprised I haven't had any comments yet." Duhhhhhh.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:10 PM


New at the Park: Mona Lisa Smile.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:17 PM


Just to set the scene for you, insiders have said that the industry views Return of the King as the movie to beat this year; Miramax has already made plans to use Cold Mountain as their big gun to take it down. Gwyneth Paltrow's people are also making ready with a campaign for her portrayal of Sylvia Plath in Sylvia. I don't know how Best Animated Film is going to fall out this year, but rest assured, it'll turn into an ugly battle between Disney and Dreamworks. The fact that even I, some nobody in Elbow, Alabama, know about all this at the halfway mark in the movie year ought to tell you something about how serious and planned-out these campaigns are.

Well, the Academy is finally doing something about it. Not only have the ceremonies been moved up to February (less time to sit around and campaign, see--nomination voting will be January, meaning that voters will--gasp!--be forced to rely on their own opinions), but campaigning "guidelines" are now "regulations." So no more conning Robert Wise into shilling for Gangs of New York in a full-page ad. Instead of having your ceremony tickets taken away, you can be booted out of the Academy or have your film be entirely disqualified. So maybe, just maybe, we Oscar Watchers this year will have the pleasure of watching a cocky studio try to toe the line and get busted.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:40 PM



Entertainment Weekly: Written by Englishman Peter Milligan and drawn by Mike Allred, ''X-Statix'' is a satire on celebrity culture starring the media-savvy mutants formerly known as X-Force. In Issue No. 13 of ''X-Statix,'' Marvel says, ''Everyone's favorite royal, Princess Diana, is back from the dead and on her comeback tour...and it's up to the X-Statix to keep her alive!'' The revived royal turns out to be a mutant herself -- though Marvel won't divulge what her superpower is -- and she's targeted by ''a nasty crew of mutant Euro-trash dead set on sending her back where she came from.'' Says Milligan, ''Diana may not resemble the flying, lethally oscillating characters that populate my comic, but the strange power she exerts from beyond the grave certainly makes her a valid subject to explore.'' Plus, he says, ''She looks great in Spandex!''

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:17 PM


TORN's reporting that an Italian magazine (or something; it's late, and my blood sugar's low, and I need to eat something) is saying that

-Shelob will be a 5 meter-high monster, really fast, who stops in a second to fix her eyes on her prey.

-The plot will have weddings, coronations, ambushes, suicides, betrayal, but also the biggest battle of the history of cinema: 200,000 orcs in Pelennor field!

All right, so: number one, awesome. If by "awesome" you mean "Oh holy fuck, spiders give me the wig so bad that I hope somebody eventually screen caps a bootleg DVD of the movie once it's in theaters, because I will be watching that sequence with my coat over my head. Much the way I did The Ring, only the Nasty Bad Part here will be over in a few minutes, and I spent two hours peering over a fleece collar that last time. Anyway."

Number two: "weddings and coronations and suicides and betrayal" sounds really glamorous and sexy, but y'know, if you've read the book, it's... not anything new. I mean, I do sort of wonder if the writer is using the plural on purpose here ("weddings"? Interesting), but readers still know exactly what they're talking about.

Number three: If this really is the "biggest battle of the history of cinema," you just know that somewhere, Joel Silver is making phone calls to see if they can't get a few thousand more Hugo Weavings added to The Matrix Revolutions.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:57 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2003  


Oh, look--I finally did the math and realized TCM's in the middle of a Leslie Caron marathon. Man, I love Gigi. Except for the parts where they sing. For, you know, days. (Who is it Gigi doesn't understand? The Norwegians? The Polynesians? The Glaswegians? Ohhhh, the Parisians. Well, she should have said something sooner.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:15 AM


Oh my God, Liv Tyler is 26. That's only a year and a half older than me. I don't know how old I thought she was--maybe 28? But now I'm just depressed. (Let me apologize in advance: we're a couple of weeks into the six-month countdown to "Oh My God, I'm Twenty-Five And What Have I Done With My Life? And Why Don't I Look Like Her?" I'm sure most self-absorbed twentysomethings go through this, so I'll try to keep my navel-gazing hysteria to a minimum. Thanks for your patience.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:59 AM


Jigga whaaaaaaa?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:36 AM


All right, I posted the link to new pictures last night, but I have a few nagging thoughts about this one (spoilers, unless you know anything about the book):

1. Anthony Hopkins is a college professor, a black man passing for white. Obviously a very, very light black, but--WHAT? I say this with love, but Anthony Hopkins is the whitest man who ever whited, and someone in the casting department is on crack. If the professor's been passing for Jewish all this time (as I read somewhere), then cast someone Jewish.

2. Nicole Kidman is playing a cleaning lady.

3. Named Faunia.

4. Faunia.

5. The book's by Philip Roth. Yeah, "Portnoy's Complaint" Philip Roth. I don't like where we're going with this.

6. The title is a reference to Bill Clinton, that's all I'm going to say.

7. Well, I'm also going to say, "Ewwwww."

8. So. TCM is running a little Anthony Hopkins marathon tonight, right through my workshop class? Bastards. I'm putting TiVo on my Christmas list now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:55 AM


Yahoo provides your first look at Kirsten Dunst in the tennis movie.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:23 AM


Buddy Hackett ("The Music Man," "The Love Bug," "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"), 78, of unknown causes. No offense, but this is a bad week to die--it's like how Gregory Peck's death overshadowed a couple of others earlier in the month. Case in point: Did you know that George Axelrod, writer of "The Seven Year Itch," died June 21? Yeah, exactly.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:20 AM


If you're a Katharine Hepburn fan, Thursday is your day. The New York Post reports that AMC will run "Rooster Cogburn" at 8 p.m., "The Rainmaker" (10:10 p.m.), "Rooster Cogburn" again (12:40 a.m.), "State of the Union" (2:55 a.m.) and "Desk Set" (5:25 a.m.). Now, "Desk Set" is my sentimental favorite, but... damn, y'all, that's an extremely cheap memorial marathon, you know? In the wee hours of the night and a bad selection of movies.

TCM, on the other hand, smokes AMC's marathon with "Mary of Scotland" (6 a.m.), "Holiday" (8:15 a.m.), "Woman of the Year" (10 a.m.), "Adam's Rib" (noon), "Pat and Mike" (2 p.m.), "The Lion in Winter" (4 p.m.), "Katharine Hepburn: All About Me" (6 p.m.); "Bringing Up Baby" (8 p.m.), "The Philadelphia Story" (10 p.m.), "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" (midnight), and "Little Women" (2 a.m.)--nearly 24 hours of the Great Kate, and two of her four Oscar winners. That, folks, is how you do it.

To finish up, I guess I had sort of a moment last night on the Newstracker. I had to write up Hepburn's death for "Top Stories," you know, but what do you say? The classy thing to do--which many of our source sites did--was to say, "This is a sad day in Hollywood, and our condolences go out to her family." Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Well, my write-up didn't quite come out like that:

I personally refuse to be sad. She lived an exceptionally long and illustrious life, died peacefully among friends and family, and left us with her greatness. She was everything I ever hoped I'd grow up to be--tough, classy, talented, versatile, brave, witty, sensible, sly, and strong--so, if you'll excuse me, there are some movies of hers I need to go watch now, because she left a very high standard.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:04 AM