Short Attention Span Theater

Short Attention Span Theater
Movies, mayhem and more: A blog from Cleolinda Jones, writer, grad student, space cadet, editor of DailyDigest.net. (That's Miss Cleo if you're SAST-Y.)


Friday, May 30, 2003  

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

Out today: way more Hulk pictures than anyone really wants to see.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:28 PM
 

WHO? WHAT? WHERE?

Nick over at CHUD: "I'm in a hurry, but... HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THESE!"



Nick? Come back, Nick! What the hell are we looking at?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:15 PM
 

STAR WARS: EPISODE III

Quoth Latino Review: "''Star Wars: Episode III'' doesn't hit theaters until 2005, but that doesn't mean George Lucas fans can't get an early peek. Starting June 10, Starwars.com will unveil a site revamp -- called HYPERSPACE -- featuring a webcam on the Australian set of ''Episode III,'' breaking news, and a lost scene from ''Attack of the Clones.'' The catch? The subscriber-only service will cost true believers $19.95 a year. Fans can try out the new service for free during a special preview period from June 5-9."

It's official: I will not be doing an in-depth preview page for this movie, as Darth Lucas has effectively priced himself out of my range, which is "free." You know, like all the other movies under the sun.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:25 AM
 

BAD MOON ON THE RISE

... Seriously, because people are going batshit around here. Another troll on FT:

I like the idea of Fametracker, it's a very done well site. Unfortunately, the management is far too strict and hypocritical, rude. [My note: Wing only steps in when people attack others personally or get off-topic in a vicious way.] You either put up with it like a lapdog or get booted. I guess people who don't kiss ass will have to stop gossiping? You can't? But where else can you find such a great themed site? Here. Gossip, gossip, GOSSIP! about celebrities. And feel free not to make it friendly gossip.

And then he misspells the URL of his special new Yahoo Group. And all the other posters start posting to laugh at him. FT is awesome.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:22 AM


Thursday, May 29, 2003  

THE HELL?

A poster named "lawyerfromLA" has just posted the following in several threads on Fametracker:

Hi, I'm a lawyer who practices law with a big firm in LA. Our clients are mostly celebrities, whom we cannot reveal their names. Unfortunately, this site has trouble coming this way. A few celebrity lawyers, including myself will file a lawsuit on the grounds of slander, against the people who run this site. I bought this to your attention because if you say anything slanderous against any celebrity, you will be included in that lawsuit and you will pay dearly.

1) Isn't message-board snark protected by the First Amendment?

2) Because this is written communication, wouldn't it be "libel" rather than "slander"?

3) "Whom we cannot reveal their names"?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:11 PM
 

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

Ooo... it is another one of those, how do you say, "updates."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:10 PM


Wednesday, May 28, 2003  

POETRY TO MAKE YOUR HEART DANCE

The only thing we can be sure Jayson Blair didn't plagiarize was his poetry, because no one would intentionally steal anything this bad.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:14 PM
 

WOW

This is possibly one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Well, maybe not the worst, but I'm having horrible images of Middle-Earth duets and dance numbers and such.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:57 PM
 

"I WAS BORN TO MARRY THIS MAN"

And to divorce him, too, apparently.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:34 AM
 

SHOP THE DIGEST

All right, I wasn't sure if the idea would work, but Vladimir says they look pretty cool. Presenting: Daily Digest Review mugs, each featuring a quote from one of my reviews. (Each product listing reveals which movie is being reviewed.) Not that my writing is so terribly fabulous, but out of context, the quotes can serve many, many purposes. For example:

1. "Over and over you're presented with compelling evidence that all the characters are idiots." Mentally replace "the characters" with "my coworkers," and you have a snarky mug you can still take to work with impunity.

2. "Oh, did I spoil that for you? TOO BAD!" Perfect for the blabbermouth in your life, particularly if it is you.

3. "We shouldn't hook up! But I like you! But now I'm an ass! And we make up! And now you're an ass! Now maybe we make up again!" Works equally well for people who love romantic comedies and people who hate them, as this mug effectively summarizes every rom-com ever made. Coming soon in T-shirt form.

There are nine designs in all so far; others include my personal favorite, "Wow. This movie invents new kinds of bad just in order to exist."


posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:45 AM
 

TROY

Damn.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:29 AM
 

BACK TO LIFE

All right. Kinda took a couple of days off there (flu). Slept something like 13 hours, now feel fresh as a daisy. I'm sure I have plenty to catch up on, but don't tell me about it just yet. ;)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:25 AM


Monday, May 26, 2003  

PREVIEW: WHITE NOISE

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a preview page for Correspondent Vladimir's movie-in-progress, complete with a teaser logo designed by yours truly.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:27 PM


Sunday, May 25, 2003  

BROWN BUNNY

I jumped all over Buffalo '66, but now, I'm just officially skeeved.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:40 AM


Saturday, May 24, 2003  

DICTIONARAOKE

This? Is totally awesome. Try the first one, A-ha's "Take on Me." (Thanks to FTer stuffing.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:34 PM
 

NEWSTRACKER

Praise the Lord and pass the news update.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:29 PM
 

BRUCE ALMIGHTY

Damn. I never thought I'd see the day that a Jim Carrey movie would make more than a Matrix flick, but then, maybe I'm just shortsighted.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:58 PM
 

DAILY DIGEST SWAG

All right, I've refined our product designs a bit, and I'm concentrating on Moulin Luge! booty for the moment. Cheboygan is next, and then, on a whim, I think we're going to put up some X2 goodies for you W/R shippers out there.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:02 AM
 

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Okay, so it's late last night, I'm doing a bunch of stuff I should have saved for daylight, and Brassy pops up and says that there are SUPERRRRGIGANTE versions of the new ROTK pics. And damn if she ain't right. (If you want the really good stuff, go the larger version of each picture and then look for "Original Size." Damn, yo.)

Did I make wallpaper? I thought you knew me by now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:59 AM
 

ALL OVER BUT THE SHOUTIN'

Oh, no, Rick Bragg! Say it ain't so!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:48 AM


Friday, May 23, 2003  

DAILY DIGEST EXCLUSIVES

Correspondent Vladimir has hooked us up with the first cast pictures from the movie he's writing/directing, White Noise. Hit the gallery for more.

.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:00 PM
 

NEW WALLPAPER

Damn, y'all, I've had these for a week and just haven't been able to put them up, what with the site going down like a leak-sprung ship and all. (We're down to a projection of 44 gig--lookin' good.) Anyway, there's 11 new Matrix desktops and 5 new Down with Love desktops--enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:56 PM


Thursday, May 22, 2003  

UH...

Larry Wachowski, he of the Matrix Reloaded Wachowski brothers, is a dominatrix-dating, wife-stealing cross-dresser? Wow. The Matrix movies make so much more sense now.

The saddest part? The first page there at the Smoking Gun indicates that "Laurence Wachowski" also goes by "Laurenca Wachowski." Awww, honey... you can't think of a better drag name than that?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:51 AM


Wednesday, May 21, 2003  

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE

Hot damn, y'all. You have to understand, I had a project for my Shakespeare class that I never finished to my own satisfaction--I was struggling with it because I love the Jessica character, and was going to call it "The Moneylender's Daughter," but on the other hand, I love Antonio too, and I loved Portia until I realized she's got a weird little streak of prejudice in her, so now it's half love and half fascination with what her deal could be. I wanted to write a prose version of the play with each scene from the perspective of an "outside" character in each one, and it was way too ambitious an undertaking for the end of a semester. And I still have hopes of finishing it someday.

So you have to understand that I'm going to get excited when it's announced that there's going to be a new movie version with Al Pacino, Ian McKellen, Joseph Fiennes, and Her Cateness. Pacino would play Shylock, which--Jesus Christ!--sounds like a bad idea to me, because Lord knows Shylock's overwritten as it is; Blanchett would play Portia. This we know. I can only assume that Fiennes would play Bassanio, the Portia love interest, and I imagine that Sir Ian would want to play Antonio--I'd been hearing for a while now that he wanted to do a Merchant movie, and while I hadn't pictured Antonio as being much older than Bassanio, that was just my reading. The thing is, Antonio seems to be very much in love with Bassanio, in a subtle way--there's this wonderful line in the first scene, "My purse, my person, my extremest means, / Lie all unlock'd to your occasions." It's really a beautiful, beautiful role, and I was always struck by the ending of the play, because Antonio is sort of left on the outside looking in at Bassanio and Portia's happiness. That little triangle is so, so interesting to me, particularly in the trial scenes where Portia-as-the-lawyer asks for the ring she gave Bassanio as payment, and so on. I'm just amazed because the movie so far is so wonderfully cast, with the dangerous exception of Pacino--I honestly had never thought of Blanchett for Portia, but she's absolutely perfect. So I'm excited, anyway. (/lit nerd)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:16 AM


Tuesday, May 20, 2003  

SINKING SHIP UPDATE

Well, things are looking a bit up: we're down to a projection of 66 gigs instead of 98 from last night, which was down from 150 the other day. If you pray a bit harder, folks, we might get down below 20. With any luck I'll be putting up another news update tomorrow, although I'm already horribly behind.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:12 PM
 

HEY, MACARENA!

God bless the woman who foiled Jayson Blair, but if her mentor wants to know why no one's talking about her, it's probably because no one believes that this could possibly be her real name.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:08 PM
 

DAYS OF WINE AND WOSES

Heee. I just liked that title over at Correspondent Vladimir's blog... although I do take a dim view of complaining about having to go see The Matrix Reloaded. What's that line in Fiddler on the Roof--"Money is a curse." "May the Lord smite me with it! And may I never recover!"

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:16 PM
 

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

The finale's just a few hours away, but if you're interested, you can read the shooting script now over at the alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer news group:

Part one
Part two

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:09 PM
 

VAN HELSING

It's set pic day! AICN has some new images of what appears to be Dracula's castle.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:26 AM
 

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

The BBC has some set pics of its own up, including snaps of the Knight Bus and the Leaky Cauldron.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:53 AM
 

TROY

I'm holding off on updating the actual page until I'm sure the site's going to stay afloat for the month, but Orlando Multimedia has a shitload of set pics. Really, really excellent ones--no actors, but the sets are great.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:51 AM
 

THE MATRIX RELOADED

If you've seen the movie (or you're an over-busy spoiler whore like me who hasn't had time to see the movie yet), you might want to read a transcript of an important conversation at the end of the movie. If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:50 AM


Monday, May 19, 2003  

MORE DIGEST SIGHTINGS

References/links to the Digest as they appeared on these websites are in bold. Each one is copied and pasted exactly as it appeared on my screen. You know how, in the South Park movie, Cartman sang the "Kyle's Mom Is a Bitch" song with that "All around the world!" bridge? Yeah. Kinda reminds me of that.

Tolkien France (French)
Le Daily Digest a fait une compilation d'images du Retour du Roi incluant les 25 photos les plus récentes mises en ligne par le site officiel du Seigneur des Anneaux. A défaut d'avoir pu suivre un ordre chronologique se rapprochant même approximativement de celui du film ( qui n'est pas encore connu ), la répartition s' est effectuée par thèmes.On peut y voir pour commencer, une image de Narsil reforgée ( dont Peter Jackson a confirmé qu'elle figurerait bien dans la scène d'ouverture du film.)

Ciudad Futura (Spanish)
demostración del juego de Electronic Arts, y lo que es más relevante, un breve metraje de 30 segundos de duración con las primeras secuencias nunca vistas de la película. Pues bien, TheOneRing.net y Ain't It Cool News se habían adelantado publicando tanto los vídeos como algunas tomas de los mismos, pero New Line Cinema les ha solicitado la retirada del material por ser de escasa calidad. Sin embargo, algunas webs han conseguido mantener fotogramas del vídeo, por lo que os aconsejamos que vayáis rápido a descargarlas. Son la alemana Herr-Der-Ringe, con 13 tomas, y la semidesconocida Elf Lady, con 40. Finalmente, mencionamos la web Daily Digest que ha hecho un excelente trabajo de recopilación de todas las imágenes conocidas de 'El Retorno Del Rey'. Además, las agrupan de forma temática, por lo que se puede en cierta forma recrear el guión y el desarrollo posible del film.

Fellowship.nl (Dutch?)
Verder kwamen er de afgelopen weken veel emailtjes binnen met een link naar deze website. Hier staan zo'n beetje alle foto's van The Return of the King die tot nu toe online zijn verschenen netjes gerangschikt. Er staan geen nieuwe foto's bij, maar voor de meeste mensen vast wel een paar die ze nog niet gezien hebben. Mocht je dus nog een vrij uurtje hebben is dit ook zeker de moeite van het bezoeken waard. Voor beide links geld uiteraard dat de foto's spoilers bevatten.

LOTR Spoiler News (Japanese)
�ð“ú194‚Æ195‚ÅTORn�iŒ³‹LŽ–AICN�j‚ÆŒöŽ®ƒTƒCƒg‚É�オ‚Á‚½RotK�V‰æ‘œ‚ð‚²�Љ‚Ü‚µ‚½‚ª�A‚»‚Ì•ª‚àŠÜ‚ß‚Ä�¡‚Ü‚Å‚É�オ‚Á‚½RotK‚̉摜�A‹y‚уXƒ|ƒCƒ‰�[�î•ñ‚ð ‚±‚¿‚ç‚ Å‚Ü‚Æ‚ß‚Ä‚¢‚Ü‚·�B‚±‚±‚Å�オ‚Á‚Ä‚¢‚é‹­“x‚̃lƒ^‚΂ê�i‰B‚µ•¶ŽšŽg—p•ª‚àŠÜ‚Þ�j‚Í‘S‚ĈȑO‚²�Љî�Ï‚Ý‚È‚Ì‚Å�A�V‚µ‚¢�î•ñ‚Æ‚¢‚¤‚Ì‚Í‚ ‚è‚Ü‚¹‚ñ‚ª�A‚Ü‚Æ‚ß‚Æ‚µ‚Ä‚²——’¸‚­‚É‚Í•Ö—˜‚©‚à�B

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:49 PM
 

SHE'S TAKIN' ON WATER!

Fortunately, to continue the nautical metaphor, I've been able to bail most of it out. Spent a good bit of the day breaking the ROTK preview into four pages so that the images would get loaded less often (after all, statistically, I notice that hits drop off over a series of pages; people often don't click through all the way to the end). At the worst part of the day, we had a projection of 150 gigs; now we're down to 77. If the hits continue to drop off (and they might not--they might crest back up during the day), we should be all right. However, we've already used up in one day more than half (5 gig) of what we used all last month (9 gig). Of course, more and more sites are starting to link to the page, which still begs the question: Why now? The preview's been up in one form or another for five months. Sigh. It's just the nature of the internet, of course. I don't know why I bother even asking--we all know the phenomenon of the internet grapevine. Anyway, I think we'll be able to get through this--if we're really, really lucky, I won't even have to take down the preview.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:40 PM
 

PARTY MONSTER

Y'all, Macaulay Culkin in drag is Not. Cool.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:49 AM
 

BLESSINGS AND CURSES

Well, shit, y'all. My site statistics predict that I'll need 118 gigs of transfer this month. I get 20. I ain't payin' for more (the overage rates are extravagant). In the time it took me to eat breakfast, we used up another 100 megs. It's all due to the ROTK preview, which has been picked up by several message boards and web sites, many of which are in languages I can't even read, which I find very cool. Except for the part where today's our transfer rollover and this month already looks screwed. So here's my plan:

1) I'm going to break the ROTK preview into four pages, rather than two, so that all the pictures don't get loaded every time someone visits a page.

2) I'm going to have to kill the ROTK preview once we hit 15 gigs. Five ain't much for the rest of the month, but it'll have to do.

3) I'm going to put up a message to the effect that the site is sinking like the Titanic, so everybody needs to get onboard the blog and the Yahoo group, which is where I'll have to update the news and post site announcements. And if you're one of our faithful readers, please remember: Our transfer rolls over the 18th of the month. So if anything happens to us, check back in on June 18th. (Sigh.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:43 AM


Sunday, May 18, 2003  

DAILY DIGEST SIGHTINGS

All right, as a former Spanish major and aspiring translator, I was delighted by the following news item at Elfenomeno:

La web Daily Digest ha preparado una entretenida recopilación de todo el material que, hasta el momento, ha salido a la luz, relacionado con El Retorno del Rey. En este elaborado artículo intentan descifrar el argumento de la película, examinando todas las fotos disponibles. Merece la pena echarle un vistazo, ya que hay imágenes que seguramente no habéis visto, aunque tened en cuenta que la mayoría de las ideas son suposiciones, y que la información es MUY REVELADORA. Gracias a War of the Ring por la noticia.

Indeed, if you go to War of the Ring, they also have a link up to our ROTK preview page. The bad news is, I'm not even finished fixing it up yet, which is why I hadn't sent out the link to anyone--I only discovered the links because I couldn't figure out why our traffic jumped two miles high today. Which, of course, is the good news.

Update: Lord Almighty, it is done. The preview is now two pages, the second covering Minas Tirith, Pelennor, the Black Gates, and so forth down to the final scenes of the film. Also, not two minutes ago, a sharp-eyed reader wrote in to say that two of my "I Have No Idea What the Hell This Is" pictures are actually from... "Xena: Warrior Princess." Heh.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:38 PM


Saturday, May 17, 2003  

STUFF YOU FIND WHILE CLEANING OUT YOUR COLLEGE JUNK

Back the first couple of years in college, I worked at a video store, so you can imagine what my room looked like. (I'm still upset that my wonderful Truman Show poster--the one made up of composite photographs--didn't survive the post-graduation move.) My theory was simply to make off with every piece of movie memorabilia possible--posters, quarter-sheet cards, standees--because someone, somewhere, would probably want it. Unfortunately, I was to discover that there are some posters that nobody wants. And I mean nobody. (Try anything starring Rob Schneider, for starters.) So I threw the vast majority of them away in time. And now I'm having to go through and throw out the ones that have been so mistreated by various moves that they're just not salvageable. And then I came across those quarter-sheet cards--I still have a completely random stack of those: Armageddon, Ever After, The Man in the Iron Mask, Titanic, Practical Magic, A Perfect Murder... Hmmm. A Perfect Murder. I may hang on to that one...

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:07 PM
 

MOVIES ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON...

...instead of cleaning, because cleaning sucks. All of these are on the Sci-Fi Channel, because I'm too lazy to go find the remote:

MST3K: Awwww, man, I slept through one of my favorites ("It's a Giant Spider Invasion of savings at Bernard's!").

Back to the Future III: You know what? Back to the Future must be one of the great, perfect movies of the last twenty, twenty-five years. It's fun, tightly scripted, well-acted (for the most part), and includes one of the great line readings in modern cinema: "Get. Your Damn Hands. Off. Her!" Don't so much like the sequel. I don't know that it's badly made, per se; I just think of it as "the unhappy part," and so I've never watched it but the one time. The third movie, though--look, I know it can't possibly be half as good as the first one. But I harbor a deep affection for this movie--it's a lot of fun, and you can tell everyone involved had a ball.

Blade Runner: Okay, I had actually started cleaning by this time, so I didn't watch the whole thing--but I've seen it probably a dozen times. Weird Proustian moment for you: I remember seeing this movie on TBS or something late one rainy Saturday or Sunday afternoon, while I was building something with Legos, when I was really young. Like, eight or nine years old. Maybe even younger than that, since it came out in 1982, and I was born in December '78--granted, movies took a lot longer to hit video and then TV back in the day, but I easily could have been six or seven by the time it was on TV. I remember being simultaneously bored out of my mind and spellbound--I really wanted to go watch something else, but I just couldn't tear myself away. (This is also how I ended up seeing the Rankin-Bass animated Return of the King, to which I had a very similar reaction--only a greater proportion of "bored.")

It occurs to me that you may be asking yourself, Where in the name of God were this kid's parents? You know, my mother always shielded me very carefully from sex and nudity on TV when I was a kid. But I also remember her trying to get me to watch Aliens at a similar age and me running from the room. I like to think now that my mother is a lot of the reason why I'm a movie buff/webmaster now.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome: I left after Blade Runner and took a bubble bath (I always want one after I start cleaning. Mostly for procrastinatory purposes). So I do not claim to actually be watching this one, which is still on right now. All I know is, this is another movie I saw on network TV--probably NBC; it was a big premiere type airing--when I was really young, probably eight years old on the dot, and I was weirdly fascinated by the steel cage death match and the post-apocalyptic gulag. Oh, the shame.

DVDs: Woohoo! After I have discharged my cleaning duties for the day, I have a freshly-bought batch of DVDs to curl up with--The Matrix (the nice double set with "The Matrix Revisited"), X-Men 1.5, and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. So good!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:41 PM


Friday, May 16, 2003  

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit the official site has 25 new pictures! 25! New! Pictures!

Update: All the TORN/AICN caps are now up at Fantasy Planet. I'm trying to integrate all the pictures (yeah, I know--what are we up to, like, more than 50 now?) into the preview, but I only got as far down the page as Denethor in Minas Tirith. (So all the Sam/Frodo/Gollum/Arwen/Eowyn stuff is updated.) I am seriously considering breaking off the page after the new Paths of the Dead section and starting a second page for Minas Tirith and beyond, because--damn, that's a lot of battle pics.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:48 PM
 

THE MATRIX RELOADED

Holy Moses, y'all--R rating and all, the Matrix sequel has just had the "biggest opening day in the history of movies." Correspondent Vladimir is not going to be happy about this.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:03 AM
 

NEWS UPDATE

By the way, I forgot to mention that I updated the news last night, and it was like Night of a Thousand Bad Ideas (Young Lecter! A Village People movie! Bad Cameron Diaz poster photoshop! Ten-year-old Merchant Ivory spoof! Bad Boys III!). I swear, every time I take a day off updating, everybody goes batshit. Why is that?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:02 AM
 

LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Yeah, so, these pictures rock the house, even if they're blurry screen caps from the E3 convention.

Update: TheOneRing.net has 25 more.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:57 AM


Thursday, May 15, 2003  

CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2: FULL THROTTLE

Dude, this is clearly the worst photoshop job ever.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:10 PM
 

DAWSON'S CREEK

So. I haven't watched the show in a couple of years, and I was planning on watching the finale, but I ended up at a high school production of Damn Yankees last night (the Lola had quite a Kirsten Dunst vibe going on). So I go over to Television Without Pity and--damn, y'all, Jen is the one who died, and Joey and Pacey did end up together. Can't tell you how happy I am to hear the latter, actually.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:07 PM
 

PRINCESS CLEOLINDA'S DAY OFF

Dag, yo. I take one day off to go run an out-of-town errand and catch some local theater, I come back, and everybody's gone insane. Posters here, trailers there, websites over yonder and set pics in the back yard. I have got my work cut out for me updatewise tonight.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:02 PM


Wednesday, May 14, 2003  

PREVIEW: TROY

I swear, the moment I announce I'll be gone for the day, the news starts pouring in. Dammit. Anyway, what you ladies have been waiting for is finally here: set pics of Troy boys Brad Pitt and Sean Bean, and--HEY! THOSE AREN'T SHORT TOGAS! Grrrrr. Now I just feel cheated.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:00 AM


Tuesday, May 13, 2003  

BAD IDEA #1376

Okay, so I'm checking up on the news, trying to decide if I should update now or in the morning before I go on my little bridal errand road trip (Friend of Digest Valerie is getting married) tomorrow, and I see this at Coming Soon:

Screen Daily says that producer Dino De Laurentiis will be developing The Lecter Variation which is currently being plotted by Lecter's creator Thomas Harris.

The film, which is being subtitled "The Story Of Young Hannibal Lecter", follows the serial killer from his childhood in Lithuania through a period in Paris in his teens to his arrival in the US. De Laurentiis said that four actors will be required to play young Lecter at the ages of 12, 16, 20 and 25.

"Lecter was born into a very rich family but the war destroyed his family and killed his parents," explained De Laurentiis. "He was left with his sister with whom he had a very close relationship."


You wanna know what happened to Lecter's sister? I'll tell you, because I read Hannibal and lived to tell the tale: She gets eaten by starving Nazis. SHE GETS EATEN. BY STARVING. NAZIS. STARVING NAZIS! It's like Dr. Evil's damn childhood, with the meat helmets and the reed beatings and all. Here's the exact train of thought that careered through my head when I read that article:

1. Oh, Jesus Christ fuck no.
2. Okay, so you're gonna milk this cash cow some more... but what's the point, when it's clearly Anthony Hopkins' Lecter that puts people in seats?
3. Didn't Saturday Night Live do this skit a few months ago?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:12 PM
 

ROWAN ATKINSON AS VOLDEMORT?

Someone has got to be playing a nasty joke on The Z Review, because I refuse to live in a world where this is true.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:14 PM
 

T-SHIRT UPDATE

All right, I had a little chat with our European Correspondent In Charge of Corresponding, Vladimir, about possible T-shirt designs. He puts in a vote for the Cheboygan design. The good news is, the font I'm using for both Cheboygan and Moulin Luge! is free for commercial use (God bless Ray Larabie).

Update: Dude, I can't believe I have a shop now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:05 PM
 

NUQJATLH?

Salon: "Klingon interpreter sought for patients."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:07 AM
 

X2 BLOOPER REEL

This is so awesome. It was shown in Hawaii, and we can only hope it will end up on the DVD--it includes (quotations from Superhero Hype):

>> "Wolverine doing his gay Broadway walk [Hugh Jackman is starring in "The Boy from Oz"] into Cerebro saying (in a sing-song fashion), "Prooooofessoooor, I'm home!" and Patrick Stewart just playing right along!"

>> "Everyone dancing in a little jig like fashion (even Cyclops)"

>> "In response to Storm saying something in the X-Jet, Jean answers by saying, 'Storm, are you smoking crack?,' while Halle adds another 'fuck' to the ongoing tally"

>> "During the scene where Bobby cools Logan's soda... he starts slowly licking the rim of the bottle, gazing at Logan. Logan starts rubbing the top of the bottle with his pinky!"

Dude, you don't even want to know what Mystique and Magneto start doing to a hot dog.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:42 AM


Monday, May 12, 2003  

WALLPAPER: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

Holy Moses, y'all--our affiliate Keira Knightley Wavefront has a ginormous image of K.K. from POC. Like, 2.3 mb ginormous. I actually had to size it down to fit it on a desktop.

In that vein, another affiliate, Orlando Multimedia, had two hi-res publicity shots--you've already seen them, but they also make great wallpaper. Check it out:

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:09 PM
 

THE LAST SAMURAI

My God, it's the first Tom Cruise poster in ten years that hasn't centered on his big toothy face. (Latino Review)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:45 AM
 

HELL'S BELLES

Once again, using my superior deductive skills, I can only conclude the following:

1. I loathe Paris Hilton, who is famous for, in essence, being a rich twat.

2. Paris Hilton (below, left) is going to be the star of a Fox reality show, "The Simple Life."

3. On this reality show, she will "do farm chores, pump gas, and sling sandwiches at the Lakeside Foodmart."

4. This could be awesome.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:35 AM


Sunday, May 11, 2003  

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

I've already put it up on the preview page, but TheOneRing.net and Elfenomeno have rediscovered something interesting in one of the videos from the official LOTR site. You know the one about the miniatures, or "bigatures," or whatever? Yeah, it turns out there may be shots of Grey Havens miniatures in there. Hmmm....

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:07 PM
 

EVERYONE ELSE HAS T-SHIRTS, WHY DON'T WE?

I'm a little curious... given that we can't use anything copyrighted by anyone else, and I have very little freehand artistic skill of my own... if we did parody T-shirts, would anyone be interested? I'm specifically thinking of "Movies Nobody Wants to See," and the best title, which AngelDust came up with: Moulin Luge!. Cafe Press seems to be a little more rigid in what it will and won't let you do for free, so I don't know if I'd go with them (we could only have, say, only one white T-shirt design at a time, unless we pay to go premium, and I'm being nickeled and dimed to death here with premium services, people). If you have a good idea for a movie title parody, let me know.

Other than that, our mascot (you see her in our logo at the top of each page at the Digest) is a piece of clip-art I found years ago, and I've recently discovered where she came from--so we can't use her. However, other images on our graphics page are my take-off on that, so we might be able to use those for the front pocket. Anyway, it's a thought--a way to advertise the site, make a little money to pay for expenses, and possibly come up with some nifty gear at the same time.

ETA: I've read over the copyright warnings at Cafe Press, and they are really, really scary. Like, I'm scared to use shareware fonts in the designs now.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:03 PM


Saturday, May 10, 2003  

NOW! WITH COMMENTS!

After 15 minutes of wrestling with the SquawkBox code (which really wouldn't have been so hard if Blogger had shown the changes like it should have when I refreshed the page, so I could actually see whether it was working or not), I have finally figured out how to add comments. Rock.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:19 PM
 

AFFILIATES WANTED

Seriously, there are a lot of big actors, some of whom have multiple films on the news page at a time, and I have affiliates for none of them. If you run a fansite, or have a favorite fansite that you would like to suggest, let me know. (I did email a few candidates a long while back and never got replies for some of them.)

What I want: A site that's got more than just pictures. A reasonably up-to-date news page. No porn or porn advertising. Among the folks I am looking for:

Angelina Jolie
Cate Blanchett (our current affiliate is going under)
Claire Danes
Ewan McGregor
Gwyneth Paltrow
Halle Berry
Jude Law
Keanu Reeves
Leonardo DiCaprio

Remember, now--an affiliate, by our definition, gets an 85x25 tag/link by each relevant news item on the news page. I definitely appreciate links back to the Digest, but I don't insist on them or anything. This isn't just your garden-variety link swap here, folks.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:30 PM
 

ANGELS IN AMERICA

Goddammit, I tore three of the pictures trying to get them out of the magazine. (See the Vanity Fair magazine report below.) I defy you to tell me which ones, though (other than the first one): Ahhh, the magic of photoshop. See the full-sized scans at the Digest gallery.



1. Justin Kirk (Prior Walter); 2. Emma Thompson (the Angel); 3. Emma Thompson (the Angel); 4. Mary Louise Parker (Harper) and Patrick Wilson (Joe); 5. Al Pacino (Roy Cohn), Meryl Streep (ghost of Ethel Rosenberg--hey, I don't make this stuff up, I just write the captions); 6. Simon Callow (Prior Walter's ancestor)

For those of you keeping score, maybe this'll make up for the time that Emma Thompson was supposed to play God in Dogma, but... hey, why didn't she end up doing that, anyway?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:29 PM
 

MAGAZINES

All right, let's check the mail:

Rolling Stone: Cover, Ashton Kutcher and "Punk'd," a couple of episodes of which AngelDust made me watch this morning. I don't like it as much as "Scare Tactics" (which I missed most of last night, dammit), because the pranks on "Punk'd" go on a little too long. That, and they're all feasible real-life situations; it's verging on painful to watch Justin Timberlake deal with repo men from the IRS ("You owe $900,000 in back taxes"), sniffling, "You took my dog?" Anyway: Rolling Stone. Other stores: "Eminem vs. Ja Rule"; "The First Eddie Vedder RS Interview in 10 Years!"; "All-Girl Smackdown: Inside the World of Pro Catfighting" (dude, you can go pro doing that?); "American Idols: Karaoke Deathmatch!" (review, and an hilarious one at that). Movie reviews: X2, The Shape of Things, The Real Cancun, Only the Strong Survive, Daddy Day Care. Best part of the X2 review: Peter Travers also deconstructs the Neill Cumpston review ("and you're all like, 'Pants, meet shit'") and confirms what I have been saying all along: "Props to Cumpston for wittily epitomizing the devalued state of film criticism." Well, I didn't say that per se, but I definitely knew he was funnin'.

Vanity Fair: Cover, Drew Barrymore, "The Angel Next Door." She actually looks pretty good.
>> "Rage of Angels": a preview of Angels in America (Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, and Emma Thompson--holy shit, y'all, she's an angel!).
>> "The Mentor and the Movie Star": Lee Strasberg and Marilyn Monroe.
>> Dominick Dunne's column: "For obvious reasons, Hollywood in Oscar week felt like 'dancing on the Titanic.'" (Oh, boo hoo hoo.) "Check out this month's diary, which is one big juicy name-drop": Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'.
>> "Top of the Evening": The Vanity Fair Oscar party.
>> "Legend with a Bullet": The Phil Spector shooting incident.
>> Other features: A Fred Weller (The Shape of Things) profile; a "Law & Order" two-page photo spread.
>> "It Had to Be Kenneth": Hollywood/society hairdresser Kenneth Battelle. Man, there better be some good gossip in this article, or it's just another piece of jet-set wank.
>>In non-entertainment-related features: "France's Scarlet Letter," "Saddam's Long Goodbye," "Round Up the Cattle!" (American journalism during the war), "Tony Blair's Big Gamble."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:01 PM
 

X2

You'll have to be a subscriber to see it (or buy this week's issue, which has Matrix folks on the cover and a pretty good cover story to boot), but ew.com has an interesting rundown of X-Men comics for those of you moviegoers who'd like to go back to the source.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:48 AM


Friday, May 09, 2003  

ANCANAR

Ah, my boy the "Epic" poster won the vote over at the official site. Rock on.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:30 PM
 

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Well, it's not the greatest picture ever, but it is a picture of Frodo in Shelob's lair.

ETA: Damn, y'all, this is a shitload of spoilers--the demise of two characters and Sauron's last stand--and from what TORN claims is a known and reliable source.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:25 AM


Thursday, May 08, 2003  

LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS

Awwwww ye-ah. You know you want it.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:04 AM


Wednesday, May 07, 2003  

LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING

Dude, this is so awesome. Wanna see what Sam and Frodo will look like disguised in orc armor? Or what "warrior Eowyn" looks like? Well, you're gonna have to settle for the action-figure versions... which still rock. (TORN)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:24 PM
 

NEWS UPDATE

Glory hallelujah.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:00 PM
 

PREVIEW: UNDERWORLD

Jo Blo's got a new poster, but I'd like to go ahead and debunk the rumor that the film's name is changing to "The Covenant"--Dark Horizons checked with a Screen Gems rep, and it isn't.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:45 AM
 

STAR WARS: THE VIDEO MENACE

Man, this poor kid, y'all. He basically taped himself whirling around with a broomstick on a school video camera, but forgot to take the tape. And now it's on the internet. In fact, the second "remix" version on this page is half as long, but features sound and visual lightsaber effects dubbed in by God knows who. I do like the disclaimer on the host blog, though:

I've turned off new comments in this thread because of the mean-spirited tone, and deleted the most vicious comments. Yes, he's fat and awkward. We get it. Since 90% of the traffic to these videos is coming from gaming, technology, and Star Wars news websites, I'm guessing that most of you weren't any cooler in junior high school than this poor kid. All you geeks, nerds, and dorks out there need to think twice before trashing one of your own.

(Thanks go to Marcus.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:32 AM
 

STRAIGHT OUTTA HOBBITON

Just got an email informing me that Lords of the Rhymes have released a new single via their website. Just go check it out, because I'm not sure I can keep a straight face much longer.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:25 AM
 

SCRIPT REVIEW: 50 FIRST KISSES

Something I've put off for a while because of school, and shouldn't have: the latest Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore romantic comedy, set for a Valentine's weekend 2004 release. I really liked it, in fact; check out the review here.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:49 AM
 

SPIDER-MAN II

All right, before y'all freak out about Mary Jane in a wedding dress, remember: she's apparently become a model in the sequel. Therefore, anything she is seen wearing does not necessarily mean anything regarding the plot of the movie. (Superhero Hype)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:46 AM
 

VAMPIRE LESTAT: THE MUSICAL

All right, I can see the appeal of the initial idea. But an Anne Rice musical by Elton John and Disney? I don't think so.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:54 AM
 

REVIEWS

So many reviews... so little time. I'm trying to get the first of four script reviews off the ground today, plus the X2 review I haven't written yet--hell, I never did write reviews for Chicago or Spirited Away--and a couple of old movies off TCM I'd like to review, and we won't even talk about trailer reviews... What I'm saying is, believe me, any efforts at reviewing anything (DVDs, movies, older movies, old movies, trailer, even books that'll be made into movies) are always appreciated. We're just talking a couple of paragraphs, maybe three, minimum--what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. Give it a shot.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:10 AM
 

POTTER'S FIELD

Two copies of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix were dumped in a field. (Wasn't her editor's car burglarized? I remember reading that a while back. That would explain where the copies came from.) A third one is now somewhere, in the hands of someone who's trying to hock it to a paper for a king's ransom. Meanwhile, the Sun has the found copies--and apparently they printed a picture of a page with a ginormous spoiler on it.

If you know where to find an image of this page or its contents online... well, you know where to find me.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:00 AM
 

X-MEN

Well, you can't get the first movie at the video store anymore--everyone else has rented it out--but FX was kind enough to run it not once but twice last night. And it's been a long, long time since I'd seen the whole thing, and its pace and tone are a lot different from the epic X2, but so many things run through both movies. If you watch closely, Magneto and Mystique are already acting like an old married couple in X1. The Mystique-Wolverine flirtation is actually set up in the first movie, very briefly (in the Wolverine vs. Wolverine fight scene, Wolverine...uh... makes a kissyface at... uh, himself). And Mystique, who I thought rocked the house in X2, is already doing so in X1--for some unknown reason, I was just underwhelmed the first time I saw it.

I'm still trying to figure out what "lyricism" was in the first movie, though, because that's what the Salon reviewer claimed was the reason she liked the first better than the second. I thought both movies were done with equal aplomb; one just had a lot more action than the other.

Oh, and if you're curious to see which mutant names were dropped in the second movie, the quick eyes at Cinescape have compiled a list.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:55 AM


Tuesday, May 06, 2003  

MORE STORMS

Right now it looks more like thunder and lightning than tornadoes, but I'm actually more fearful of lightning, in a fry-my-computer sense. (I have actually seen two televisions and a hard drive get zapped, so it happens.) Don't know if I'll be able to update tonight, as I'm going to have to unplug everything for a while.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:36 PM
 

TRAILER PARK

New at the Park: reviews of the new LXG trailer that ran before X2, the latest installment of the Animatrix, "The Second Renaissance, Part Two," and new games at the official Hulk and Down with Love sites ("Hulk Smash": addictive; "Catcher Block's Bachelor Pad": creepy).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:13 PM
 

REVENGE OF THE NERD

Hee hee hee. This is so cool: the Family of Digest has been chosen to fill out a Nielsen TV diary for a week during sweeps, starting on Thursday. Here I am, a member of a key demographic (female, early twenties), and I don't watch much "normal" TV--a lot of TCM, Sci-Fi channel on Saturday mornings, a newsmagazine or talk show only if it's got someone I'm interested in, occasionally a movie on a premium channel, and American Idol if I'm not in class that night (which I usually am). The Nielsen people are going to be so horrified.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:55 AM


Monday, May 05, 2003  

NEWS UPDATE

Tonight's news was brought to you by tornadoes.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:04 PM
 

METROPOLIS

The television premiere of the official restoration is coming on TCM in three minutes--be there or be square.

ETA: I'll work on getting higher-res images, but here's a few desktops I put up several months ago for the DVD release.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:00 PM
 

MOVIES YOU WATCH ON TCM INSTEAD OF DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE

Shut up, we had two tornadoes come through. Anyway:

Marie Antoinette: Man, I love this movie so much. When I had to move into the dorm a week early as a sophomore/peer counselor, I watched my tape of this movie, like, three times. It's melodramatic as all hell and it takes a very pro-Marie Antoinette view that seems a little too rosy to be believed--and I say that like it's a bad thing. Oh, and the costumes are absolutely to die for, even in black and white. And Tyrone Power is to die for, in that incredibly sensitive and swoonworthy mode.

The Mark of Zorro: I think they're doing a Tyrone Power tribute today, actually, and you won't hear any complaints from me. I love this one, too--Power does a great job of switching between disguises--effete gentleman by day, suave swashbuckler by night. If you like swordfights in movies, you'll want to see this one--and it's on right now. The next one up is The Black Swan--a Tyrone Power pirate movie with Maureen O'Hara, and in color, too, as I recall--but Zorro's the one my heart really belongs to.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:45 PM


Sunday, May 04, 2003  

X2

This movie? Is awesome. I know a movie's really sunk its hooks into me when I walk out wishing I was a character, or at least lived in the movie's world. I just saw it this afternoon (go me, seeing something the week it actually comes out). Hell, even Mommy of Digest liked it, although she was still confused about who was who and what was what when we walked out--she claims to have seen the first movie, but to remember only parts of it, and vaguely. Lemme put it this way: She didn't remember who Wolverine was. Yeah. I'm pretty sure we've corrected that problem. So I'm going to be buying the X-Men 1.5 DVD ASAP...

Oh, and the movie made $85 million this weekend. That's the fourth largest opening ever, kids.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:12 PM


Saturday, May 03, 2003  

WIRE IMAGE GALLERIES

You can only see the thumbnails (unless you pay for an account), but they ain't half bad:

Several galleries from various X2 premieres and events

Filming of "Spider-Man 2" on Location - New York

Salma Hayek, Jennifer Connelly and Renee Zellweger at the Louis Vuitton Press Conference for The United Cancer Front Benefit (they have some really, really good photos of Connelly)

Several galleries of location shoots for Raising Helen (Kate Hudson)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:39 AM


Friday, May 02, 2003  

ANCANAR

Well, I've heard back from the good folks at Ancanar.com, and they've sent me five stills that aren't on the site--aren't you Digest kids lucky?



1. Ancanar (Gregory Lee Kenyon); 2. Finlomë (Ralph Lister); 3. Ancanar (Gregory Lee Kenyon); 4. Curugon (Jamie Alexander); 5. Laliel (Raiya Corsiglia)


And here's an extra little surprise for you guys: Ancanar.com's webmaster Curugon (not the character in the film, although that would also be cool) offered to have writer/director Sam Balcomb and producer Raiya Corsiglia (who also plays Laliel and, if I understand this correctly, co-directed the film as well) answer some questions. On short notice, I came up with three--the website is incredibly thorough and open about the struggles of making an independent fantasy film on a shoestring, so "What's the movie about?" really wasn't going to cut it. You can see our mini email interview here. The trailer's also up at iFilm.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:32 PM
 

THIS MAN IS AN ASSHAT

I submit to you an excerpt from Stephen Hunter's Washington Post review of X2:

...Jane Grey [sic] can part the waters like Moses, and Dr. Xavier appears to be literally able to stop the universe -- that is, halt time. So what would a knife fighter [Wolverine] have in common with God? Or possibly I'm thinking too hard about this stuff.

....The rest remain ciphers, the saddest being Anna Paquin, whose character's mutant talent, other than ugly mall-droog hair, appears to be to make things happen backward. I guess. She's some kind of Mistress of Rewind.


Fear not; there is a Hunter Hater support group (apparently he writes like this, and worse, all the time).

ETA: You know what I just realized? Neil Cumpston of AICN actually wrote a better, more factually correct review than a Pulitzer Prize-winner. I have to go weep now that Stephen Hunter writes for a living.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:35 PM
 

TRAILER PARK

All right, I've got several X2 clips and the latest Hulk trailer over on the Trailer Park blog. More to come.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:35 PM
 

WHOOBA-DOW!

All right, ended up going back and reading the Neil Cumpston X2 review at Ain't It Cool News. I'm not linking directly to it because he gives away the whole frickin' end of the movie ("fortunately," I had already guessed it, based on word of the plot for X3), and seriously, I could tell you when to stop reading, but that's just too tempting. But here's basically my favorite part (profanity ahead):

So we get to see Rogue (hottie) and this Ice Dude (gay-looking, but Rogue seems to want to fuck him so what do I know?) and this Fire Kid who’s all three steps from going Columbine every second of his life and that boring Cyclops dick and showing-her-boobs-for-an-Oscar Storm and Mind Control Redhead and Wheelchair Charlie and finally Fuck Yeah Wolverine (which should be his official name) having to hook it up with Magnet-Gandalf and Rebecca Rojmin-Nudeass to take out the evil government dude. Whooba-dow!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:28 PM
 

NEWSTRACKER UPDATE

All right, I've finally gotten the Thursday news up. I may end up putting today's news up on a Saturday page, but we'll have to see.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:16 AM
 

FUN AND GAMES

This is awesome. TORN has linked to a McSweeney's satire--"Audio commentary recorded by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky" for the FOTR extended DVD. From part two:

Zinn: Now Frodo, son of Drogo, agrees to take the ring to Mount Doom. Something tells me that no one in Mordor calls it Mount Doom.

Chomsky: And everyone baits Frodo into this. "You are our agent, going on a suicide mission. You have to do it for the Motherland."

Zinn: So is Frodo the Mohammed Atta figure in this story?

Chomsky: He's a fanatical true believer. And crazy. Obviously, totally insane.

Zinn: And listen to what Aragorn tells Frodo: "You have my sword."

Chomsky: So militaristic.

Zinn: Notice that no one says, "You have my diplomatic skills." I think the only real diplomat of Middle Earth is Gollum. He's the only one who makes any meaningful, cross-cultural exchange with any of these people.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:08 AM


Thursday, May 01, 2003  

UPDATES ON UPDATES

I've reviewed a handful of new X2 clips over at Trailer Park, but I won't be able to get the news update up tonight. I'm going to see if I can't post it first thing in the morning and then do a separate Friday news update.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:36 PM
 

DAILY DIGEST FORUMS

All right, here's an interesting topic: If you could have any super power, what would it be? I'll post my pick as soon as we start getting reader responses (and I promise: if you, brave soul, post your answer, others will follow).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:25 PM
 

REVIEW: "MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING"

Just about the only thing I will stop and read at Ain't It Cool News nowadays is a Neil Cumpston review, because the guy cracks me up. I don't know if he's intentionally combining honest enthusiasm with a parody of breathless fanboy-speak (his spelling and punctuation are abnormally good for AICN), but I'm going to pretend he is, because I enjoy the reviews a lot more this way. From his new Matrix Reloaded review (major profanity ahead):

This is the sequel to the MATRIX Movie that came out four years ago and after seeing it I can say I could have waited another four years it is that fucking good. This movie is a pillowcase with soda cans inside that beats the living mule-fuck out of you but you’re all like, “Bring it on honky tonk” because the beating feels like summer and Halloween and Cheetos at the same time. This movie is Mad Max’s shotgun-gun from ROAD WARRIOR, only it shoots ass-kicking only at jocks. This movie is tits!

WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT THE PLOT AND IT’S BORING AND THERE’S NO ASS-KICKING IN IT BUT I USE THE WORD “FUCK” THREE TIMES TO HELP GET THROUGH IT

I still don’t get the plot of the first one, and this one’s all talking about “choices” (over and over again to where you think you’re watching that fucking Chicktime network) and “prophecies” and especially words like “anomaly” and “exile” (and who the fuck even knows what those words mean?) and there’s this long speech at the end that I also didn’t get. [....]

NOW ALL ASS-KICKING UNTIL THE END

[Neil describes various scenes of ass-kicking and rates each on 1-10 scale, the final one rating a "10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10" (continue typing "10" until bored).]

MY HINT: Stay through the credits and you get to see a trailer for MATRIX: YOU WILL SHIT, the third movie.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:57 PM
 

ANCANAR

I've written the good folks at Ancanar.com, and while I'm putting up a preview page for the movie, I may as well go ahead and mention that they've got a choose-the-poster contest going on right now; the trailer is going back up at iFilm tomorrow, so keep an eye our for our report over at Trailer Park. Me, I'm gonna go with the first poster, "Epic."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:38 AM
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