Short Attention Span Theater

Short Attention Span Theater
Movies, mayhem and more: A blog from Cleolinda Jones, writer, grad student, space cadet, editor of (That's Miss Cleo if you're SAST-Y.)

Friday, February 28, 2003  

The news is up: Moulin Rouge is coming back as a midnight movie; Corona has a script review of the next film from Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko); Guillermo del Toro (Blade, Mimic) is going to direct... The Wind in the Willows?; and a reader writes in to point out a strange error in the "Robin Williams Attacks Michael Jackson" item.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:29 PM

You know, there may be a finer feeling than serendipitously flipping over to TCM on a slow Friday night just as "The Trolley Song" starts up, but I don't know what it is.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:17 PM

GAHHH! Maybe Salon needs to close if it can't support itself by any other means than running "Six Feet Under" ads that cover half the screen with no way to move or close them. I mean, damn, maybe I would actually like to click on a section link. GAHHHHHHHHHH.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:15 PM

You know what? If there's one thing Kirstie Alley and her eyebrows don't need to play, it's a Puritan.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:39 PM

On "48 Hours" right now: The "American Beauty murder," named for the "suicide" staged like the rose petal scene(s) in the movie of the same name. Was it really a suicide? Or did the wife and her lover conspire to off the husband with a lethal drug from the coroner's office where the wife worked? Could the tearful, accused wife protest any harder? Could this "former child model and ballerina" be more of a chipmunk? I'm just asking.

ETA: Oh, great, she's also a crystal meth addict, and was dumb enough to stage a "suicide" by painkiller without leaving an explanation of how the husband could have administered the drug to himself (i.e., a syringe lying around, etc.). And then she (allegedly) sprinkles rose petals over him and leaves a wedding photo in his hand to make it reminiscent of two scenes (the rose fantasy and the final death scene) from what everyone knew was her favorite movie (oh, way to go, Einstein), American Beauty. You know what, leave Kevin Spacey out of this; he's got enough problems right now.

ETA #2: Oh, great. Even better. There's gonna be a book and a movie. For the record: Kristin Rossum was sentenced to life in prison without parole (if I heard that correctly), and while she did argue that her husband Greg De Villers could have ingested the fentanyl in a glass of water by the bed, there was still 1) a syringe puncture mark that the paramedics could not account for and 2) no convincing way Greg could have sneaked into her place of work and stolen the drug himself. And American Beauty? WAS HER FAVORITE MOVIE. Just. Saying.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:05 PM

Okay, so I'm looking through my affiliates for cooler things to advertise, and I ran across this:

Summer Fun Cthulhu
The "Summer Fun" Cthulhu Medium Plush Doll. H.P. Lovecraft's Great Cthulhu features the bloated Elder God decked out in a panama hat, Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals.

I want this for my desk so bad.

ETA: Screw Cthulhu--I want me some Electric Wolverine Claws!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:06 PM

To reiterate from last night (since the item in question was "The news is up," and I know people tend to tune out after they get that far), we do actually have a preview page up for the Kate Beckinsale/Scott Speedman vampires-werewolves-'n'-leather flick. The more I hear about it, the cooler it sounds, so enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:40 AM

Thursday, February 27, 2003  

The news is up, and by reader request, I'm going to try to put together a gallery of those really cool Underworld pics that Action mysteriously took down (the weird thing is, they took the promo art down and left the toys up, so it's not like anything was particularly being kept under wraps). It'll take me a few minutes (read: "thirty or more"), so hang in there for a little while.

ETA: Done: an Underworld preview.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:02 PM

Okay, so I'm on this Fametracker "Blogs and Online Journals" thread scoping out the genre, as it were, and someone just posted a link to The Lotion and the Basket: The Online Journal of Buffalo Bill. Spfffshsshpfshsfpfff!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:39 PM

From USAToday: "Stars protest war; polls say public doesn't listen." Well, if you want my two cents--and let's pretend for a moment that you do--I think that any citizen has the right to express an opinion. However, that's just what it is--one more person's opinion. Not that of a role model or a celebrity or a politico-wannabe or a little tin god--but just another person like you and me. As long as we're clear on that, rock on.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:43 PM

Heeeeeee, this rocks:

Fans of The Ring are invited to converge on the Los Angeles Equestrian Center on Monday, March 3rd, 2003 at 6:15 PM. Out of all of the fans that show up, a lucky 30 will be chosen to participate in the contest for the chance to win $10,000. All contestants must be 18 years or older. The 30 contestants will be lined up along the edge of a giant ring of light, each facing a television monitor and a VCR. At the center of the ring, will be a giant pile of about 20,000 blank videotapes. Hidden somewhere inside the pile there will be one copy of the "creepy video" that kills people. The first person to find that tape, make a copy of it and throw it into the well will win the $10,000.

Unfortunately, I'm nowhere near L.A., because I loved that movie despite the fact (or perhaps because) it scared me stupid. You can get The Ring on DVD this Tuesday, the same day that the Japanese original, Ringu, hits North America on DVD as well (come on, help a webmistress out).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:10 PM

Man, this is a bad day on the blog--hardly anything interesting. Anyway, I got word from Katie at Elijah Fan this morning that Focus Films served them with a cease & desist order on the script download as well. I still have my copy, but I would totally be unable to, you know, email you the script or anything if you happened to ask. You know, just happened to. By clicking the "Contact Cleolinda" link to the right, just over there. Totally unable, because that would be wrong and bad, right?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:33 PM

From a Commission Junction email I got this morning: When the new Publisher Service Agreement and productive publisher program become effective on March 28, 2003, Commission Junction will begin assessing a monthly fee of USD $10 to publisher accounts that have not generated any commissions for six consecutive calendar months. The purpose of this fee is to ensure that publishers in our network are producing results. Publisher accounts that have not generated any commissions for six consecutive months and do not have a positive account balance will be closed.

Man, they are already holding my $17.54 in commission hostage until I earn more. See, this is why I quit working at my beloved video store: YOU CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE BUY STUFF, and you shouldn't punish the sales associate for that. You can lead them to it, you can tell them how great it is, you can pimp it out to the max, but you cannot force them to actually plunk down money for it. We're talking about entertainment collectibles, people, not milk and bread and staples of life, here. (Sigh.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:51 AM

Rest in peace, Mr. Rogers.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:37 AM

Wednesday, February 26, 2003  

News is up, although the IMDB gossip whores held out on me until the last minute. Bastages.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:33 PM

Shortly after I wrote the script review last night, I put together (yet another) preview page, complete with a sneak peek at at least three of Clementine's hair colors--but since it relies heavily (at the moment) on a wonderful gallery of set pics from Discover Kate, I wanted to check with them first about thumbnailing and linking. Well, I just got a reply, and DK says it's cool. Also, Ruth from DK says that they had to pull their copy of the script because Focus Features issued a cease & desist, so it seems to have been an extraordinary stroke of luck that I found the script when and where I did. (Check the Tuesday 2/25 news if you'd like to read it for yourself.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:21 PM

Heeeeeeee, J.K. Rowling and Ian McKellen are going to be on The Simpsons. I might actually start watching the show again for that.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:04 PM

Yay, new set pics! They're up at the preview page. Also: I just watched Tom Jones this morning for tonight's class (18th century novels), and Ewan McGregor really is a dead ringer for a young Albert Finney. Good job on that casting there.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:02 PM

Normally I would just shrug this off as a cheesy attempt at an Oscar tie-in ("The Pecanist," "Chicagdough"), but--have you had the ice cream at this place? Damn, that stuff is good.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:27 AM

Today's Font of the Day at Font Face: "Dread," with a Shawshank Redemption quote as a demo ("Remember, Red, hope is a good thing").

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:37 AM

Tuesday, February 25, 2003  

All right, news is up. Off to read Eternal Sunshine and catch up on Tom Jones for tomorrow's class...

ETA: All right, kids. I couldn't stand it. I sat up late and read the script, and it's damn good. Read the review here.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:53 PM

I'm not sure how "new" this is, but I still can't believe our affiliate Elijah Fan just had this, sitting there--they have what appears to be a genuine copy, in PDF format, of Charlie Kaufman's latest script, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, currently in production with Elijah Wood (obviously), Jim Carrey, and Kate Winslet. Again: holy crow, y'all. I'll review it as soon as I get through tomorrow's classwork.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:48 PM

A few Underworld/Kate Beckinsale images out today at Lights Out Entertainment--at least one of them is brand new, and the others are better quality. Oh, and I had half an hour to kill before class, so here's a wallpaper.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:06 PM

Mr. Typo says: is the huntsville shooting on the news there [in Alabama]?
Princess Cleolinda says: yeah, I saw it a few hours ago on Fark, been in class since
Princess Cleolinda says: what happened?
Mr. Typo says: someone went crazy at a temp office, shot people
Mr. Typo says: i don't know, not much about it here [in Rhode Island]
Princess Cleolinda says: huh
Mr. Typo says: we just get 24-7 coverage of the fire
Princess Cleolinda says: yeah
Princess Cleolinda says: [address of a Huntsville Times article]
Princess Cleolinda says: Police Lt. Vince Dauro said the shootings followed an argument at Labor Ready. About 10 or 15 people were "standing around" when the pistol shots rang out, he said. Patricia Johnson, 38, witnessed the shootings and said the shooter also tried to kill her.
Mr. Typo says: arcadia circle sounds so familiar
Princess Cleolinda says: Johnson said she was right next to the shooter and froze. She said he turned the gun on her, pointed it at her chest and pulled the trigger. She heard a click, but nothing happened. He turned the gun on another man seated near them, pulled the trigger and it misfired again.
Princess Cleolinda says: Jesus, that poor woman
Princess Cleolinda says: Johnson said she once worked side-by-side with the shooter on the line at BFI's recycling center on Triana Boulevard. She also knows he has done such jobs as washing dishes.
Princess Cleolinda says: The local office is next to the offices for the Alabama Department of Forensic Sciences, state troopers and Madison County sheriff's investigators. Arcadia Circle is off North Memorial Parkway just north of University Drive.
Mr. Typo says: yeah, ok, i know the area
Mr. Typo says: well, the forensics should be easy then
Princess Cleolinda says: seriously

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:19 PM

Well, we've got an update here courtesy of Entertainment Weekly, which titled the article in question "Troy borrows epic luster from LOTR actors," when in fact we all knew that anyway and the real meat of the article is in the rest of the casting:

Orlando Bloom: Paris
Menelaus: Brendan Gleeson
Sean Bean: Odysseus
Brad Pitt: Achilles (ditto)
Brian Cox: Agammemnon (ahhh... that's who he plays... so no Ciaran Hinds?)
Peter O'Toole: Priam (we--and IGN--thought so)
Eric Bana: Hector
Julie Christie: Thetis, Achilles' nymph mother
Saffron Burrows: Andromache, Hector's wife
Rose Byrne: Briseis, "the captive Trojan woman who comes between Agamemnon and Achilles"

So, to sum up: Saffron Burrows and Julie Christie just came out of nowhere, in terms of casting news, and we now know precisely who Brian Cox, Peter O'Toole, and Brendan Gleeson are playing. But what about Helen, previously announced as Claire Forlani?

[Wolfgang] Petersen, who is denying rumors that the production will delay its April start date or pull out of its Mediterranean locations (Morocco, Malta) over fears of real-life war in the Middle East, says he'll cast an unknown to play Helen, the woman with the face that launched a thousand ships.

Uh, I think someone just got dissed right there.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:34 AM

Monday, February 24, 2003  

AHHHHHHH! Dave Barry has posted the English version of the Kikkoman animation! (Talking Cat: "Which sauce, dammit?!" Kikkoman: "I SAID you gotta have soy for the omelet!")

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:07 PM

I'm gonna keep this under my hat preview page-wise until I get some more info on it, but I just found this NY Daily News article on A Hobbit's Tale:

War is hell on Hollywood. Fear of a conflict with Iraq has clipped the wings of some of the highest-flying stars. Filming of the Trojan War epic "Troy," starring Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom and Saffron Burrows, was to have started in Morocco in April, but security concerns might scuttle plans to shoot in the Muslim nation on the North African coast.

Saffron Burrows? Where the hell'd she come from? Don't get me wrong, she's a great actress, it's not that--it's just that the only female names I've heard attached so far are Claire Forlani (Helen) and Rose Byrne (Briseis). Has a third female character been cast that we haven't heard of? Is she replacing one of the other two? Is NY Daily just on crack? Stay tuned.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:58 PM

Seriously, guys, I'm dyin' over here. This basically amounts to a Stupid Question, but it's not movie-related--so much for putting it on the site. (But hell, that's why I got a blog.) Here's the deal: There's this Dentyne Ice commercial (ends with a girl writing her phone number in the frost on a subway window) they play every week during Joe Millionaire. There's this song in the commercial. It starts off with a guy ("I can tell by the way you walk..." is all I could make out) and then switches to a girl for the second verse. I cannot get this song out of my head (what I know of it, anyway). It's very possibly a remake of an older song. I've already pestered Mr. Typo and an entire Fametracker thread on the subject, so anything you guys can do towards helping me identify the song would be greatly appreciated.

ETA: Thank the Jesus, a FTer going by "Mystique" found it for me: "Way You Walk," by Papas Fritas. Oh, and by the way--it's actually even better than it sounded in the commercial.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:44 PM

The news is up (five workdays in a row! Maybe I need to see a doctor about this new work ethic I seem to have sprouted).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:36 PM

Woooo! The poster for Down with Love is out!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:55 AM

Hee hee hee hee hee. A Fark link got me started reading Ali Davis' hilarious and eloquent True Porn Clerk Stories journal, which is honestly the best writing I've read in a long, long while. (I highly recommend it, all of it, but only if you go in knowing that porn and the men who love it will be discussed. Thoroughly.) Also, it got me listening to Davis' Porn Clerk/Customer Torture Music of Choice, Aqua (my personal favorite: the classic "Barbie Girl"). I guess part of the reason I love her journal is because I have, to an extent, been there--I worked at a video store for a little over a year (I think it was only that long... the weeks began to blur after the first couple of months), and while we only had softcore porn in the "Mature" section, I, too, know the losers who pound on the door five minutes before opening and the freakshows who linger half an hour after we ought to close. (Not to mention the scary, scary, hairy guy who worked the graveyard shift at a gas station/convenience store and would rent two stacks of videos every night: one porn, one kiddie flicks. Eeeeeuuuugggghhhhhh.) The line that finally cracked me up so bad that I was compelled to post the link was this:

On bad days, Whose P**** Is This? is a faintly disturbing illustration of sexual domination politics, since I know the proper answer is a breathy "It's yours!" rather than "It's mine, d***head!" On good days, though, it's a particularly entertaining glimpse into the Lost and Found office.

For the record, my favorite "Mature" title at my sto' was (not making this up) Thar She Blows.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:00 AM

So bizarre, I had to come up with a new title tag for it, although really the Kikkoman flash animation ought to have had it as well. Okay, so X-Men is on Fox last night, right? I'm watching it for old times' sake, I think, Hey, I oughtta make a cast feature or a preview page or somethin', since I'm so on fire with the getting things done this weekend, because the sequel comes out in May but so does a ton of other stuff and I'll thank myself later. Right. Dig it. So I'm looking up old pics from the first movie to get some character icons made, blah blah blah, and I find--this.

What the crap is this?

I mean, yes, I know it's a still of a prop newspaper article. Duh. But have you read the text itself?

Reports of Genetic Mutations on the Rise
by Michelle Kissoore

Progressive pawnbrokers slightly annoyingly untangles France. Gratuitous subways resisted mostly schizophrenic fountains. Fireses fights gratuitous bureaux. Almost great elephants said orifices, yet greedy elephants comfortably remain sheep, until helpful dogs kisses slightly needy mats.

The hell? "Fireses"? Who wrote this, Gollum?

ETA: I don't have a copy of X-Men--although I am seriously considering the new 1.5 DVD--so if you do, and you can confirm for me that this prop is actually shown in the movie (I would try a Senator Kelly scene near the beginning, myself), well, then, you would rule.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:41 AM

Sunday, February 23, 2003  

All right. I said I would close the Best Makeup Nominees That Weren't poll this weekend, and I'm taking this as a sign from God that I should just give up on this (or this stage of a protest, anyway):

Princess Cleolinda: and makeup goes to... FRIDA
Correspondent Vladimir: heeeeee, I know
Correspondent Vladimir: the year of the monobrow
Princess Cleolinda: "Hi, I have a unibrow!" "Oh... well, I only have 15,000 orcs, I'll try again next year."
Correspondent Vladimir: if they put unibrows on the Orcs, they'd have a lock on the award next year.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:15 PM

"Charlie and Donald Kaufman" win the best screenplay award. Kaufman is not present, so he has faxed a speech to Meryl Streep. Blah blah blah, Kaufmanesque fretting about sticking Streep with a bad joke, mildly amusing ("This man is crazy," she giggles). And THEN she gets to the list of people he would like to thank:

"I would like to spank... THANK! Spike! Jonze!"

Poor Meryl Streep turns thirteen shades of red, having, in fact, blurted out something on accident that was funnier than anything in Kaufman's actual speech. Adds host Stephen Fry as she flees the stage: "At least she didn't have to thank William Jones." (Think about it a minute.)

ETA: Fry is signing off at the end of the show: "And I join Meryl Streep in wanting to spank you all... " She is never, ever going to live this down. (Hee.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:24 PM

Yay! Another preview page is up! I will never get this much work done in a single weekend again, I'm afraid.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:44 PM

Goddammit! I'm watching the BAFTAS on BBC America and I get the "Red Arrow" news alert email from War of the Ring, and it totally just gives away who wins everything. I had not realized, as a matter of fact, that I was watching the show on a time delay (they said it was live!)--if it's not on a delay, then the BBC has just gone ahead and leaked the winners. Goddammit. Well, if you want to see the winners for yourself, then knock yourself out.

I will say, while we're at it, that while it's a fine act of charity on the BBC's part to run the show without commercials, the show runs at a brisk clip with or without them. I hope the Oscar producers are watching this.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 1:43 PM

Okay, I was going to post this yesterday and forgot, but it still cracks me up: apparently, not only is Val Kilmer 1) cheap and 2) a supreme jerk, he's also now getting mistaken for 3) actors who have more talent than he does.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:29 PM

So far, Daredevil is on top for the second week in a row.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:25 PM

Well, speaking of the Harry Potter preview I put up last night, here's a rather unfortunate turn for the production--a story that came out this morning:

The new Harry Potter movie yesterday set the heather alight, months before it is due to be seen by cinema audiences. During filming, the veteran steam train cast as the Hogwarts Express sparked a fire which destroyed up to 50 acres of heather moorland and trees on a Highland hillside. A helicopter had to be brought in to bomb the blaze with water as over 20 firefighters and forestry workers struggled to prevent the fire, close to the Glenfinnan Viaduct in the West Highlands, from spreading and causing more damage. At one stage, fire was raging along a one-mile front.

Read the rest at

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:23 PM

BBC America is broadcasting them this year ("live and commercial free!," as the BBC's website would have you know), 4 pm EST/3 pm CST. Remember--this is the awards show at which Best Actor (for A Beautiful Mind) Russell Crowe threw the Greatest Hissy of All Time, roughing up a producer at the after-party when he discovered that his acceptance speech/poetry reading(!) had been cut for time. At that point in the season, Crowe was considered the frontrunner (and perhaps even a lock) for the Oscar, and I firmly believe that the Greatest Hissy of All Time left Oscar voters thinking, "So, howzabout that Denzel Washington?" In other words: Get your popcorn and settle in; this could be fun.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:54 AM

Saturday, February 22, 2003  

Wooo! I finished the rest of the preview pages! Well, except for Big Fish, but that one only occurred to me as I was finishing up. (Sigh.) Up now on the main previews page: Cold Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, although that new subtitle's useless because I am fairly sure that no one is going to "confuse" the theme park ride and the movie the way Disney supposedly fears. So: four new preview pages all told. Very proud, very proud.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:35 PM

Mr. Typo says:
Mr. Typo says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Princess Cleolinda says: (am I going to regret this?)
Mr. Typo says: NO!
Mr. Typo says: no clue what this is, but it's so funny
Princess Cleolinda says: what
Princess Cleolinda says: in the name
Princess Cleolinda says: of Jesus
Princess Cleolinda says: was that
Mr. Typo says: it came from the dave barry blog
Mr. Typo says: WHY I GO ON LIVING: It is simply not possible to watch this too many times.
Princess Cleolinda says: what the... I don't... but...
Mr. Typo says: show you
Mr. Typo says: ki-ko-man

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:25 PM

Man, I'm on fire today. It ain't much as of yet, but I did just put up the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban preview page. Good timing, too, as filming--and casting--have just officially been announced (rather belatedly, but still) by Warner Bros. This is my favorite Harry Potter book, by the way, and while the Ewan-McGregor-as-Remus-Lupin rumor was as shortlived as it was enchanting, I'm looking forward to my favorite Potter character finally hitting the screen.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:22 PM

Yay! Actually getting work done this weekend! Anyway, just put the Lemony Snicket page up, in honor of the movie's new director. The title has also been expanded from just plain "Lemony Snicket," says Upcoming Movies, and I've got all the casting rumor stuff (Johnny Depp, wooo!) up from several weeks ago. Of course, I'm still wary about the casting stuff--it came from AICN, and I still haven't quite forgiven them for the "Elijah Wood IS Peter Pan!" story that turned out not to be true. Man, that broke my heart. (Sniff. "I am youth, I am joy!": Don't lie, you know you can imagine it, too.) Long story short: I'm crazy about the Snicket books, so any tips or rumors you have are greatly appreciated.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:44 PM

Lady Hyde writes in with this bit o' trivia: "Do you find it ironic that Josie Maran is in this movie as a Vampyr, and she is so well-known as that 'Vampyr Snack' in the Backstreet Boys video? The ironing is delicious." (Mr. Typo: "Mmm, ironing.") Furthermore, our Typo found us a screenshot of the video in question, "Everybody" (you know, the whole Monster Mash thing they had going on?). Pictured: Maran with Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough.

I will also have you know that Howie Dorough is totally related to my middle school algebra teacher Mrs. Dorough; he visited town one time and it was totally in the newspaper. Also, the line "Am I sex-u-al?" always used to crack me up, and I would shout "NO!" at the TV just to piss AngelDust (Sister of Digest, and a huge Backstreet fan) off. Ah... good times.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:10 PM

Okay, usually I find this whole Sexiest Star Alive or whatever crap to be bullshit People fluff, but I gotta say, the sheer numbers on this one impress me. ran a poll, right? And Viggo Mortensen, a favorite Boyfriend of Digest (squeals from Cleo and the Lovely Emily) won it. I'm a little surprised, but given the Two-Towers-just-came-out timing, not too surprised. Here's the shocker: He absolutely stomped the competition, coming in with 79.7% of the vote. (Best line: "How He Did in Our Poll Last Year: He didn't." That is, he wasn't even on it.) The second highest on the poll, Ewan McGregor (another Boyfriend of Digest), only got 4.9%. Damn.

For those of you curious, I'll list the top five results, because they're in that annoying one-page-per-guy format instead of just a handy list at the front. Oh, and there was also a women's poll, blah blah blah not as interesting.

1. Viggo Mortensen
2. Ewan McGregor
3. Brad Pitt
4. Leonardo DiCaprio
5. Johnny Depp

1. Halle Berry
2. Britney Spears
3. Jennifer Lopez
4. Catherine Zeta-Jones
5. Jennifer Garner

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:36 AM

Ooooo! The Smoking Gun has documents on that "Scare Tactics" suit! Hit the bottom of page three for the beginning of what actually happened.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:49 AM

Friday, February 21, 2003  

Woo! Four days in a row! (Sigh.) Update's posted, despite a storm and little news to work with. Still hunting for affiliates (anybody got a good Angelina Jolie site?).

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:32 PM

Took part of the day to do some cleanup work on the news page--several of my affiliate tags were quite lame, mostly because I suck at graphic design. Well, now that I'm better acquainted with FotoCanvas, I went through and resized the tag to the standard 85x25, made a better tag, or selected a better tag from the affiliate site itself. So now you can tell Kate Winslet's fansite from Kate Beckinsale's; I found a better tag for Cate the Third at CBO; and the Will Kemp and Natalie Portman tags look 1000% better.

Speaking of affiliates, we have two new ones: Lovely Liv Tyler and The Compleat Sean Bean. I had been trying to hold off on collecting a ton of LOTR affiliates until I knew the actors had other projects (in this case, Jersey Girl and Troy, respectively), and in fact, it's finally gotten so that I just can't put all the LOTR actors' affiliate tags by each relevant news item, as promised. Instead, we now have the "LOTR Affiliates" tag, which will take you to a small page listing all the tags and sites. A news item that mentioned a specific actor by name (for example, an interview) would get that fansite's tag in addition to the group tag. Any other movie with a ton of actor affiliates--I'm thinking something with a superrrr gigante cast like X-Men, Star Wars, or even Cold Mountain, for example--would get the same deal. It's the fairest thing I can think of to do.

I know this is a dry post for casual readers of the site, but I dig my affiliates and wanted to be clear about the new structure. And remember--if you have a site or know of a site you like that you think would be a useful addition, let me know.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:13 PM

Just wanted to mention that I have read absolutely putrid reviews of this one--not one but two zero-star reviews. Mr. Cranky totally spoiled the plot twist for me--I can't help it! It was Mr. Cranky! How can I not keep reading a Mr. Cranky review??--and I'll tell you what, if that's really what happens in the movie, that's just morally reprehensible. Seriously, if I didn't know better, I'd think Alan Parker was anti-death penalty protesters, not anti-death penalty. So I'm torn between going to see the movie for myself (which is the proper, journalistic thing to do) or simply thanking my lucky stars that someone else took that bullet for me.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:11 AM

To make you feel a little better after the nightclub fire story, here's something that made me laugh on Friend of Digest Jerry's new website:

10 Things Announcers Think After Spouting Off a Cliché

4. "They've got to take it one play at a time." "You know, unlike the other team, who's currently bending the space-time continuum and taking six plays at once. Note to self: when you find whoever's responsible for saying this first, run over his dog."

5. "Know what I like best about this player?" "His mother. Hooked up in the hotel lounge last night. Ass like you wouldn't believe."

Read the rest here.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:52 AM

Holy shit, y'all, one of my favorite clubs in Elbow, Alabama is also called The Station. And they're also saying that Great White's guitarist is among the missing.

From CNN:

Video shot by CNN affiliate WPRI showed Great White performing as on-stage fireworks went off in the background. As the crowd cheered, fire engulfed the wall behind the stage and quickly spread. Initially, fans casually made their way toward the exit. Then panic broke out, according to videographer Brian Butler, who was taping the rock concert for a story on nightclub safety.

"It was that fast. As soon as the pyrotechnics stopped, the flame had started on the egg-crate [foam] backing behind the stage and it just went up the ceiling and people stood and watched it," Butler said.

The video showed piles of people lying on top of each other, trying to push their way out of the club.

"Some people were already trying to leave and others were just sitting there going 'Yeah that's great!' and I remember that statement because I was like, 'This is not great, this is time to leave,'" the videographer said.

Whoa, whoa, whoa--back that up a minute. "According to videographer Brian Butler, who was taping the rock concert for a story on nightclub safety"?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:48 AM

Thursday, February 20, 2003  

Yay! Three consecutive updates! (Sigh.) Of course, now that I'm trying to make myself update more regularly, I'm having a hell of a time finding enough stuff for the Fun & Games section. Anyhoo, the news is up, and there's several Harry Potter items (WB has finally confirmed the frickin' cast, shooting has started, and set pics are up); Genndy Tartakovsky and George Lucas have teamed up for a Clone Wars cartoon; Terry Gilliam's finally going to get to make another movie; Lemony Snicket has a new director; and it's official, Hugh Jackman is now the busy-bee male counterpart to Nicole Kidman. Enjoy.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:31 PM

GAHHHHHHH. Every now and then, I get a rip on to find more affiliate sites (you know, fansites that get little graphic tags next to news items on the news page), and I'm looking for some more now. What's frustrating me is that I've been looking for a Renée Zellweger site and I cannot find one that has a news page that has updated since the Clinton administration. Seriously, none of them are covering Chicago at all. This is no good.

In terms of other affiliates, I'm just now starting to look into fansites for the following people/movies, so if you know a good one that would like some free advertising (seriously, kids), I'm in the market for Jennifer Garner, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Ewan McGregor, and Jude Law at the very least. What's my criteria? Mainly, that these people work a lot, or at least on extremely high-profile projects, and therefore their tags would get a lot of exercise, basically. (Oh, and X-Men. I desperately need an X-Men affiliate.) What do I want in a fansite? Frequent updates and a professional demeanor. Doesn't have to be the fanciest site out there, you know? So hit the contact link on the right sidebar and give me a yell if you can recommend anyone. PARTICULARLY A ZELLWEGER FANSITE, because it's just ridiculous that we don't have one. Don't make me start one myself, people.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:37 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the best Stupid Question ever asked. I don't know why, but it just totally cracked me up: "There are remakes and there are sequels, but is the upcoming Ocean's 11 sequel the first sequel to a remake?" Excellent question, SR!

I'm going to mull over an answer for a while--mostly because there's more than a hundred years of movies to consider--because there are sequels and there are sequels, you know? Like, the first thing off the top of my head is how beloved characters get remakes every generation or so--Dracula, Zorro, etc.--but are they pure remakes in the way that Ocean's Eleven was, or simply characters that are routinely revisited? Because I know Mask of Zorro 2 has been in development for a long time, and really, I actually reviewed Brides of Dracula, which, if you consider The Horror of Dracula to be a remake of the Lugosi Dracula, then you've got an answer right there. On a more contemporary level, you've got a planned sequel to last year's The Ring, a remake of the Japanese Ringu. (In fact, five bucks says we find an answer to this question in the horror genre, famous for both 1) remakes and 2) sequels.) And is it considered a "remake" if the original was a TV show? Because you've got Charlie's Angels 2 and Scooby Doo 2 coming up as well. If you really want to twist your brain around, think about this: Red Dragon is certainly the only remake that is also a prequel... I think.

Got any ideas, guys?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:23 AM

Wednesday, February 19, 2003  

Seriously, folks, I didn't think I was gonna make it tonight, but I managed to put up the news before I passed out.

Also: We have a new affiliate, Kate Beckinsale Web! And since KB is, in fact, in Van Helsing, I will add that I've put up a higher-res version of the new promotional-art desktop. No pictures of KB as love interest "Anna" yet, so if anyone lays hands on an image, I'd appreciate one...

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:33 PM

Bono of U2 has been placed on the short list of possible winners of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. The social activist's name joins those of another 150 people and organizations on the list for the honor. Others recognized include Pope John Paul, Illinois Governor George Ryan, and French President Jacques Chirac.

Bono has long used his rock-celebrity status to forward philanthropic and political agendas, including the conflict in Northern Ireland and the AIDS epidemic in Africa. On February 1, the singer discussed international aid for developing nations at the World Economic Forum in New York.

I'm trying to decide if this is really, really cool ("He really is making a difference") or really, really lame ("Rock star ego trip"). Jury's still out on this one, folks.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 12:37 PM


A woman's filed suit against the Sci-Fi Channel for something that happened on a show called Scare Tactics that I saw a commercial for over the weekend--I don't think the show has debuted yet, but it looked simultaneously dumb, cruel, and freakish. In the commercial--and this well may be the episode to which the suit refers to--you see people in a shaking car, something is--happening outside the car, and the people inside are screaming. It's sort of a candid-camera show--that is, whatever they're screaming about, they think it's really happening. That said, dig this:

The plaintiff was told she'd won an all-expenses-paid trip to a California resort; while being driven there the car "stalled" and the woman watched as an "alien" apparently killed a member of her party.

What the crap? What is WRONG with you people?

ETA: Read more about it at the LA Times. Is it wrong of me to kinda want to see the show now?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:40 AM

Tuesday, February 18, 2003  


As a bonus for the update being later than I promised (but really! Otherwise, the same time as usual!), here's an excerpt from "Havana January"--a true account of a week I spent in Cuba two years ago--that my classmates actually approved:

Folks, I have seen purgatory, and it is, in fact, a brokedown Bahamian airport. We must have spent about seven or eight hours there, bare minimum. In that time, I was whipped at hearts by the head of the Spanish department not once but five times. I slept upright in an extremely uncomfortable chair (I told you I could sleep on a dime) until I got a full-body crick. I read the first three hundred pages of Hearts in Atlantis. My fingernails grew an inch. Galapagos turtles were born, grew up, and died. Stars formed, went nuclear, and burnt out, and I was still. At. The airport.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:33 PM

Delayed again... sigh. However, my creative nonfiction workshop went well--got some very constructive criticism, and after I restructure the piece, look for "Havana January" to show up on Maximum Honey sometime soon. And yes, the news is up. Finally.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:23 PM

You know what? Nothing pisses me off quite as much as the media telling me what to do, feel, or think. I'm even looking forward to the two Matrix sequels, but it pisses me the hell off that magazines and websites keep calling this "The Year of the Matrix." Well, maybe it is, but--but--why don't you shut up and wait for the first one to come out, okay, and not run it into the ground, okay? Gahhh.

That said, these toys rock.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:52 AM

I'm trying to get the site back on an early afternoon rather than late night schedule, because I'm generally too damn tired after night classes to update, which is why the updates have been so sporadic now that the semester's started up again. (Why was I updating at night in the first place? Because I was waiting on stupid people to stupid update their stupid sites.) But I've basically written up most of the news, and with luck I'll be able to get it up this afternoon between classes (I have a Renaissance drama exam at 2 pm, wish me luck).

Again, if you're interested in helping me collect news (which is not the least bit glamorous, by the way, so don't get too excited), let me know.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:44 AM

If I had to name a Radio Station of Digest, it would be this one. I'd been glued to my MP3s and the last Garbage CD for a few weeks now, but I go back and load this one up, and what song are they playing? Siouxsie and the Banshees' "Kiss Them For Me," which was probably my most favoritest song back in 199..1990? 1991? All I know is, when I got my first five CDs one Christmas, that Siouxsie album was one of them. Good times.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:35 AM

Monday, February 17, 2003  

No Monday update--I totally forgot it was Presidents' Day (I don't have class on Mondays or Fridays, so I barely notice minor get-a-day-off holidays), and hardly anyone updated anything today. I've socked away today's news, such as it was, to add to tomorrow's update.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:50 PM

Well, it took me damn long enough, but then again, I've been a busy bee. An excerpt:

It’s therefore the height of hilarity when [Christopher] Lee finally gets attacked by “the hound of hell” and “defends” himself by falling over backwards and folding his arms Dracula-dramatically over his face, a move that’s about as effective as schoolchildren duck-and-covering during a nuclear blast.

Read the rest here.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:09 PM

Oh my God. That was the trashiest, cheesiest, most manipulative show ever--and I cannot believe Fox pulled it off. Joe Dunderhead chose the right girl, the right girl made the noble decision, and their mutual virtue was rewarded with a crisp million-dollar check. Plus, Fox squeezed in the words "fairy[-]tale," either as noun or adjective, into the show a mimimum of 3,756 times. Long live Snow White and the Prince of Heavy Construction!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:06 PM

After a--wow, it was four months?--hiatus, I've finally reviewed another movie for MYMHM:

Ah, another installment of Stuck at Home on Friday Night Watching TCM. Tonight we have the Best Picture of 1958, Gigi, which also took home a truckload of awards, but no Oscars for acting—which is sort of unfortunate, because I think the acting is probably the best thing about it. I mean, no offense, but the Lerner & Loewe songs drive me up the wall, mostly because they all sound vaguely alike and go on for centuries. Now, director Vicente Minelli’s a good man, and I love his work (Meet Me in St. Louis! An American in Paris! Yes, even Brigadoon! ), but seriously—Leslie Caron and Louis Jourdan spend most of their songs stomping around Paris complaining about love. Talk-singing, at that.

Read the rest here.

I'm hoping to catch The Hound of the Baskervilles this afternoon--you know, Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing?--so, barring ANOTHER DAMN POWER OUTAGE, look for a MYMHM review of that later tonight.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:11 AM

Ooooo, more superrrrrrr gigante pics from The Two Towers. (Shift +F) search "NEW Amazing High Rez TTT Images!" over at

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:14 AM

Sunday, February 16, 2003  

Another preview page up, this time for Van Helsing, since I've got that new promo art on my mind. Also made up a desktop for it, but the quality ain't so hot, given what I had to work with. My favorite revelation from putting the page together: that Lynn Redgrave played a Dr. Van Helsing in a TV movie called Disco Beaver from Outer Space. Wow. Just... wow.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:28 PM

Just put up a brand-new preview page for Troy, which appears to have an excellent David Benioff (25th Hour) script and a truckload of hot guys in the cast: another entry on my list of "Equal Ogling Rights" flicks.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:47 PM

For those of you who dig old-school weaponry (LOTR fangirls, I'm looking at you), the History Channel's "Conquest" may be the TV show for you. I'm sitting here watching it on my stepfather's recommendation (I seem to be on a Renaissance Drama roll right now in grad school) and it's hilarious, cutting between a duel in "1750" (or, you know, 2003 with some really ghetto powdered wigs) and a punchy reenactment of a French/Renaissance trial-by-arms ("And in this corner! La Rochefoucaultmontfort!"). Low budget. Bad acting. Cheap costumes. It's all good. And judging by that preview of the next episode, wherein the host/fight master was chasing some poor reenactor around with a medieval axe ("Once I get this started, there's no stopping it, now!"), I'm thinking I might make this a habit.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:23 PM

Tonight's update is brought to you by Alabama Power. Motto: "Fucking you over for no apparent reason since six o'clock this evening."

ETA: All right, it's up. Finally.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:58 PM

A little something early for you while I finish the Digest update: It ain't your mama's Dracula. Then again, I'm not sure it's mine, either. Also: Is Hugh Jackman even underneath all that scarf?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 3:30 PM

Ohhhh, my Lord, catch this: It's one thing for Chicago's mayor Richard Daley to complain that Chicago was not, you know, actually filmed in Chicago. That seems like a reasonable complaint. Complaining that film productions are going "overseas" to Canada is a little silly, yes. But then Robert Duvall cuts in with this gem:

"I prefer not to work in Canada. I prefer to work in my own country," Duvall said. "There are better actors down here. That's why they have to import so many actors for their Canadian productions."

In other news, Sarah Polley just went looking for her brass knuckles.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 2:06 PM

You know how every year Entertainment Weekly puts out a beautiful, glossy Oscar collector's issue separate from the actual magazine? It's thicker than the usual issue and more strongly bound and has beautiful portrait photographs of each nominee? Yeah. They just crammed most of that into a normal "double issue" this year. As a paying subscriber, I feel cheated.

Also: Why is there an in-depth Oscar article on Woody Allen this year, of all years?

Also redux: Was everyone under a rock last year? Asleep? Because Chicago is NOT the reason we're going to be seeing shitloads of musicals. Moulin Rouge, wackiness and all, got there first and paved the way. Seriously--see what Greg Dean Schmitz said about the Chicago-Moulin Rouge connection nearly two years ago.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:45 AM

Visit beautiful Empyrea, where the economy is fair and the civil rights are superb!

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:26 AM

Saturday, February 15, 2003  

Kids, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to sound the death toll of AMC as a respectable old-movies channel. Tonight, at 7 p.m.:

Chain Reaction (1996): A student (Keanu Reeves) is framed for the murder of his mentor, a scientist whose formula for a new energy source has been stolen.


posted by Cleolinda Jones | 4:52 PM

Apparently may go out of business at the end of the month. Monthly rent for Salon's San Fran offices: $200,000. Total monthly expenses of $11.99. I'm just sayin'.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:10 AM

For those of you in a retro frame of mind after dueling Julianne Moore '50s housewife flicks: The Gallery of Unfortunate Food. Personal favorite: Ten P.M. Cookery ("This one goesh to Betty, whosh alwaysh shaying how much she loves fruit. She oughta, she’s married t’one. Here y’ go, Bets. Bottomsh up").

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 10:16 AM

Yay! A Hobbit's Tale is back up! That gives me the warm fuzzies. Also: Is War of the Ring just slowly becoming the hub for all LOTR fansites in existence? Because that would be fine with me.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 9:13 AM

This is so sad, but--this is, like, the best song I've heard all week. Shoot me; I'm easily amused.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:40 AM

No, seriously, you guys, the Digest really will be updated this weekend. I hope. Just had three papers and an exam this week, so I'm a bit tired. You know, we are putting out a help-wanted call for anyone who'd like to help with the DVD, Fun & Games, Trailer Park, Websitings, or Affiliates sections. Salary: The warm feeling of having helped your fellow movie buff. Stop laughing.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:35 AM